Kat's theory is that those kind of people live in a pit filled with all their emotional garbage. They really don't want to change, so as others pass by their pit, they will try to get someone to join them. People who have good boundaries and loving hearts will sit next to the pit and listen a bit, offer prayer and then move on. People who do not have good boundaries will run over and jump in the pit with them and say, "Look, I can feel all "your" confusion and dismay, I'm here for you!" People with no boundaries attract people with no boundaries and the result is a big "pit party" filled with nothing but foolishness! It's just like when someone comes up to you and dumps all kinds of nonsense on you or blames you for all their problems! Kat says, "It's like they walk up to you, throw up on you, then walk away saying to themself, "Gosh, I feel so much better now!" and they go along their merry way and you are standing there with their vomit all over you! They only think about how they feel, not about how they make others feel!
Having boundaries is a healthy and wise choice. I've learned to spot an abusive or foolish person from miles away now! My antenna go up and everything in me sounds off an alarm, "Code red, code red!" By learning to have boundaries we can be much more effective for Christ and live a much more peaceful and wise life. The way I describe boundaries is like this...If you are living with no boundaries you are living in a round flexible ball, abusive or foolish people can ram into you and bruise you or knock the wind out of you, they can roll you around and get you discombobulated, and all their attempts to use you, confuse you, hurt you...are effective because you're vulnerable. A person with boundaries, lives in a Plexiglas cube. No one can bump, bruise or roll them around, they will try but they just run into a solid wall. After you develop boundaries, you will begin to see those old abusers start leaving you alone and they will go find a nice flexible ball around some person with no boundaries and they will begin to torment them instead!
There's another system I have designed to deal with people and I call it, The Gate System (rudimentary drawing at top). The gate system works like this...Your inner circle should be just yourself and Jesus, the next outer ring is whoever you trust the most (preferably people with good boundaries and ethics). As the circular fences go out, you can put whomever you feel safest with or unsafe with wherever you decide. You can even take someone from a closer circle and put them back a few till you feel you can trust them again, and of course those people that prove by their good lifestyle and trustworthiness that they are safe, you can move them into closer rings. Now, each ring is a round fence and you are in control of who gets to be in what circle because there is a gate in each fence and the latch is only on the inside! Therefore, if someone with no boundaries gets to you, it's because you let them in!
Living in the gate system is a wise way to live. You start your day with just you and God together in the inner circle, then, you have all day to go visit people in other rings or you can invite people to enter in closer by opening a gate up for them. This is not a system to shut you off from life, it's a system that keeps you protected so you can be your most effective in life! We all know people that cause pain to others because they know no boundaries! So, use wisdom to take control of protecting your mind, body, heart and soul from them.
The journey of life is comprised of many things and one of those things is interacting with others. Jesus interacted with thousands of people in his short three years of public ministry. Where better to look for insight than to him! Jesus crossed paths with lots of people that had no boundaries and he knew how to deal with each one. There were the self-righteous, the accusers, false witnesses, betrayers, haters, mockers, doubters and punishers. He also experienced the needy, the hungry (physically and spiritually) and the poor. People pulled at him, crowded in on him, screamed out to him, touched him and followed him everywhere! The latter embraced him and the former rejected and accused him. There were also hundreds upon hundreds that doubted him and joked about him. How did Jesus survive? Well, he stayed in constant communion with his Father in heaven, before, during and after all his encounters. He spent time with his Father before dawn, he was led by him all day and in the evening he always withdrew to go be with his Dad. Everything we need for our journey we will find "in Him". The problem is that most of the time we go running out ahead of him rather than walking beside him.
Everyday we should practice boundaries so our precious time can be spent wisely and not scattered like pearls before swine. We need to be good stewards of our time and resources, and by doing that we will be much more effective in everything, rather than worn out and resentful. Read the Boundaries book and take the wisdom that Kat and I and other traveler's have learned through experience by walking next to Jesus. Use all these resources, then be a beacon for those who are lost in their foolishness but "desire" wisdom. Remember, Jesus didn't go out looking for people with problems, His Father brought the appointed people at the precise time with the proper circumstances "to" him so that God would be glorified through it! Every encounter in life will bring with it a teachable moment where God will reveal a truth to whomever will embrace it. Remember the story of the blind man in John 9:2...As Jesus went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, "Teacher, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" Jesus said, "Neither this man or his parents sinned, but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life!" What we see as problems, God see's as opportunities!
Ask God every morning, what or who he wants to bring into your day, and then go with the flow like a leaf on a creek :) Make your list and begin your day, but if things don't go as planned don't freak out. Look for Him in the detours because that's where He does His best work! Try to see Him in everything! What we think is important and what He knows is important are two different things. There have been many days where God rearranged my plans and on the days that I didn't let it frustrate me, He did amazing things that I now write about and share! Don't think so small that you don't acknowledge that there "is" a bigger picture! If you think about it... have you ever heard a story, watched a movie or read a book that didn't focus on the detours? That's where life really happens! Don't have a break-down if your day doesn't go as planned, just take a deep breath and if you look for Him, you'll find Him right there in it with you :)
1 Corinthians 12:31b...And now I will show you the most excellent way!
No comments:
Post a Comment