There is a Time for Every Season Under Heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1

As the years have gathered my days, I've grown. I have come to a point in my life where I truly enjoy God! I let Him love me and I love Him back! I let Him comfort me and I then go and comfort others. I don't blame God any more but, I see Him in everything! The journey IS life, we will never arrive as long as we walk on this earth so I've learned to see each day, each moment as a chapter in my life's journal whether it be a great day or a dark season, God is in it with me.

I'm also aware that the enemy is always prowling about with one mission in mind, to rob me of my joy and to get me to doubt God. There are times when I lend ear to the whispered lies and I become ensnared. Not for the long lengths of time as when I was younger and thought God was responsible for pain and suffering. I've grown in the grace and knowledge of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and I find myself falling much less and for shorter periods of time. That's because I read God's Word each day and I have a personal relationship with Him!

I have struggled with worthlessness because of the things that happened to me in my life. Growing and healing is a process and He is teaching me about many things that I look forward to sharing! This blog is a place for my thoughts to find their voice! I hope you enjoy visiting here just as if you were going to a friends house.

Jesusdeevah is a name I chose because it reminds me that I am set apart, special, precious and treasured by my Father in Heaven! So much that He sent His only beloved Son, Jesus, to suffer and die for me! Then, on the third day He rose from the grave and conquered sin and death so that I could be with Him forever! The lie is that I'm worthless, the truth is that I am worth dying for!

John 3:16,17... For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son so that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life! God did not send His Son into the world to condemn it but to save it!

*If any of these posts contain knowledge and wisdom that you have already gleaned then please consider sharing them by clicking on the M icon at the bottom of the post and emailing it to someone that may be struggling or hungry for this kind of message. Someone told me once, "It's not always what you're going to get from someone but sometimes it's about what someone may get from you!" Sharing is caring :)

These are my thoughts and stories....Please remember that a Blog goes backwards. The history builds up to the present posts. Check out the archives for background.

Folllow me on Instagram @Jesusdeevah for truth and inspiration or @ugobun to follow my art.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Inner Darkness

This is a psalm that I wrote during one of the darkest times in my life. I didn't think I could post it because it's so personal but I know someone out there needs to know they're not alone.

Inner Darkness
By Dee Armes-Hartmann
         
          I awoke yet again to my soul silently screaming, blinded to all that is holy or beautiful. My thoughts churning despair and my heart swelled to sinking. Pain is my prominent feeling accompanied by my sick stomach and the screeching in my ears. My skin burns and blisters till the insanity takes me to delirium and pain throbs from my tips to my temples. Fearful fatigue threatens my consciousness and abilities. My joints are like furnaces burning till I succumb to boisterous whining and writhing. Tears burn my eyes and cheeks as they literally feel like seeping acid and all the while my muscles and tendons endure the heartless pressing in and pulling out of red hot rods.
          God says he is bound to me. That he will never leave me or forsake me. He tells me to rejoice in the privilege to share in his sufferings. I believe everything he says with absolute conviction. But I hate my journey. I hate it. I feel like a victim of torture begging for it to stop but it doesn’t. Yet with each wave of pain I still hope and believe that my deliverer will come. I only cling to that hope because there is no other alternative. I can’t end my own suffering because I cannot destroy what God has fearfully and wonderfully made. The shame of that would be worse than the torment itself. My screams for help now echo in my vacant soul. Yet it is only those echoes that keep me alive. They have become the voice of my Christ on the cross calling to encourage me to suffer on to the hope and crown that lie ahead. He is the only one that knows my pain and sorrow. May my curses turn to praise is my prayer.         9/28/10

This pain passed and my days became brighter as I drew nearer to God. Don't give in to the despair but calm yourself and rest in God's arms so He can heal your pain.


If you haven't invited Jesus into your heart and you would like to do it now, then just recite this prayer...Jesus, Thank you for dying for me on the cross. I know that my soul is eternal and it will go somewhere when I die so I invite you to come and live in me so that I can be with you forever. I can't save my soul by good works but, through your precious blood I can be covered by your grace. I want to go through this life with You and not alone. Come into my heart. Amen 





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