I remember the day I sat broken and in desperate need of the Almighty and the wholeness He could give me.As I wept, the Holy Spirit raised my eyes and I saw you Lord! You were weeping with me. I realized in a moment of epiphany that because of your omnipresence that You were ALL MINE! You were with me at that moment and I did not have to share you or think that you were too busy with others. I felt complete worth and You knew my name!
Your heart opened over me and your great compassion poured down on me. A tear welled up in your eye and it fell upon me, anointing me with your love. Deep called unto deep (Psalm 42:7). In that moment I finally understood that I have ALL of you! You felt my pain and I didn’t have to cry out to you because you are always with me! You are my total and complete portion (Psalm 73:26). I am worth more than gold to You!
I recalled Mark 14:25 when Jesus said, “I tell you the truth, I will not drink again of the fruit of the vine (wine) until that day when I drink it anew in the kingdom of God”. Jesus is saying that he will not celebrate until our sufferings are over and we are safe with Him in heaven! He is suffering along with us until that day! If you think God is looking on from afar and seeing how much you can take, you're wrong. I used to live in a well of self-pity thinking God was punishing me or that He left me. Those thoughts are lies! God loves you and He will never leave you!(Hebrews 13:5). He weeps when you weep, (Romans 12:15). Nothing can separate you from the love of God, not death or life, angels or demons, the present or the future or any powers, neither height nor depth nor anything else in all creation! (Romans 8:37-39) In all that you go through, you are more than a conqueror through Him! God is not "out there" causing you pain, He is "in you" wanting to comfort you. Try to see Him in your pain. It took me years to stop blaming Him and finally realize He was not a tormentor but the Lover of my Soul!
Years ago I was in a situation that brought me to my knees with every feeling imaginable rushing through my head! I prayed and the Lord began to speak to my heart. I wrote down what He told me and I received a tremendous peace. I saved those words and again, years later, I was reading my bible and right there in Ecclesiastes 3:4 were those exact words! There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. A time to be born, a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build up, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them together, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. I had never read these words before but God spoke them to my heart when I needed them desperately! He was right there with me, and He is right there with you. It's o.k. to feel what you're feeling right now and there will come a time when your heart will be able to feel again. Never say never, just say, when....
We are His precious lambs and He knows us by name!
He loves you through it all.
The following post entitled, "Inner Darkness" is a psalm I wrote during one of my most desperate times. I didn't want to live anymore and this is what my heart poured out.
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