Writing From My Shell

I awoke this morning to the monotony of what my life has become. My spirit panting for laughter and fullness, my body weak and sore, my mind numb and empty, my emotions blank and my soul quietly reminiscing about how it used to play. Why bother getting up? I feel nothing and my hope has hidden from me. Outside the sun is shinning and I feel angry at it! Jealous because it shines and I feel so dark. I know that if I stay in this bed that nothing will change though. So, I invest my energy in opening the shutters and straightening things up so my house doesn't reflect my mood. I dilly dally at the sink and let the hot water steam my face while I think of nothing. I remember a friend telling me once that if I wanted to change the paradigm of my life then I should answer my own question of "Why bother?". Why should I bother to get up, open the shutters, write from my heart, paint a painting, do the dishes...?

To stop trying is to die and to die is to give up hope. Hope IS life. Choosing to hope is the first decision I must make each day!!! Just start with that, then get up and walk to the kitchen and do the little things that should be done. After that, work my way into the living room and read my devotional and my bible and after that it seems as though momentum takes over and I'm on the road instead of in the ditch! I have to also purposefully put meaning into a drawing or painting that I do, so instead of saying, "Why bother?", I must say, "Because I can make this into a card and send it to someone! That's why! I must look at the dishes that need to be washed and say, "My husband loves when he comes home to dinner and he absolutely loves to see me joyful! That's why I'm going to wash you!"

It all sounds so childish and narcissistic to be so self absorbed but God has me in a small corner right now and when you really love Him and know with all your heart how much He loves you. then, you know that it is not a place of punishment but a time of learning. God has a plan. He had a plan for Abraham, Joseph, Moses, Hosea, Peter, Paul and even His own Son Jesus. God has a plan for me and I'm not going to let depression or anger  (which is from the lying enemy) to undermine what God is doing! Everyday is a choice for me to rise or fall, to trust or doubt, to have hope or to lie down and die. It's not the big storms of life but the monotony of stillness that wears on me. Like a grain of sand trapped and held captive in a shell, being tossed, rolled and ground in the ocean's salty tears until finally the sharp blade of the Great Fisherman pries open the shell of darkness and reveals the precious pearl inside! He bends over and whispers to His creation, "My precious one....The pearl is the only precious stone that lives, suffers and dies only to arise from the darkness full of glory! The door to heaven is a pearl, which represents Me. I am the Way, the truth and the life. I asked you to share in my sufferings and you did. Go now, be there for someone like I was there with you. Listen to their heart, hold them with your arms for me and share My love and truth with them".

2 Corinthians 1:3-5...Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in ALL our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

This is why we bother....because no matter how dark our own circumstances are, there is always someone else who needs to hear the story of the pearl.