The Role of a Lifetime...Dedicated to Ruby

~Matisse's Blue Nude~
If I had to use a picture to
explain how I've been feeling,
this would be it.
Empty, painful and blue.
~Even pain can be expressed
through beauty.~

I've been down and sick for over a month now and I don't seem to be getting better. As I write this my head is all foggy and I can't concentrate but God has led me to write today so I'm trusting Him that this will make sense.

In my own small world I believed that it was just me who was slowly deteriorating and all hope of feeling better was abandoned as each day I awoke and felt worse. The doctor put me on prednisone and antibiotics but my symptoms actually got worse and the side effect of the steroid robbed me of sleep to the point where I became so irritable that I couldn't think straight. Inside my head  the ringing and sharp pains felt as though poison was being injected in and then dripping down behind my eyes, throat and right through me. All my muscles ached with endless pain and spasms that locked up any flow of healing. Needless to say, I have been miserable!

This morning my friend Tammy called to confirm an appointment that I had to cancel again. She told me that so many people are sick right now and they are all complaining that they can't get rid of this respiratory condition. I wasn't happy that people were sick but I felt a sense of relief that I wasn't alone with this. She then went on to describe how her husband suffers with horrible allergies and has for all his life. As she went on describing his suffering and how his allergies have dominated his entire life, I felt empathy because that's how my life has been. I've been alone in this house with no car and feeling horrible for so long that I forgot how to widen the lens of my heart. Every day, every one deals with some type of pain, sorrow, challenge or fear and we need to share those weaknesses so that Christ can be seen. To quote Plato, "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." We may feel like we are all alone with our infirmities but they are in every life, seen or hidden, and they are there to be played out on the stage of our life, for God's glory and eternal purpose!


What we see as random, meaningless or uncalled for, God sees as human stories that can transform or comfort another life. What we consider earthly loss, God sees as eternal gain because He will use our stories to reach beyond our comprehension into lives that reach far beyond our control. God is in the business of working in the BEYOND and by beyond I mean, where we have no control except to trust His love for us. It is there we rarely get to see, but must, through faith believe in His powerful work and the meaning within it! Our life is the stage upon which the Almighty yet humble God of the Universe works! Everyone has been cast perfectly and every step and movement is known before it's made, for God formed us in our mother's womb (psalm 139) and our days are ordained. The only thing God cannot control is our free will and our attitude because He wants us to "choose Him" and except that all He does is done with purpose and love. There is so much in this world that I don't see God in but I have come to trust Him and that His love endures forever. He has an eternal gift that He will give to us after we have come through this life without losing our faith. If He could hang on a cross for me, I then can trust Him with everything.

All this time as I've been sick, I have just laid in bed watching movie after movie mostly because the noise helps with the screeching in my ears. It wasn't until last night that I realized something and so much became clear to me. Our lives are just like Hallmark movies and we are the movie stars in them! It is no mistake what each of us is going through. God has chosen each one of us specifically to play the role we are living and no one else can fill that place. Every movie has a beginning, middle and end, and it contains a plot, a problem and a meaning. Life is not perfect nor will it ever be and any mind-set of ours that believes in that fairy tale needs to be changed. Our weaknesses, flaws, struggles and trials are a part of our life, not secrets to be hidden because of some false shame. Movies are made to be seen so that they can reach into the viewer and move them in the deepest recesses of their being, opening their eyes to new revelations.

This analogy is much easier to imagine if you've been watching movies with meaning. I've come to love the Hallmark Channel because of the human interaction and content in the scripts. If families watched these together it would only improve the dynamics between each other and offer a much broader view point to all involved, making them more able to see things from other people's perspectives.  They are stories told in the light of truth, involving God, revealing humanness and in the end showing how the mighty hand of God works all things together for good for those who love Him (Romans 8:28). Even through pain and loss you can see the story unfold and witness God's grace in all the lives participating. It's not Polly-Anna, it's real life stories about people and how God got them through the wreckage of their situations without them being destroyed by it.

We watch others and their tribulations from an audience view but when it's our life we tend to see it from inside the picture. By doing this we not only see the movie but we feel it personally and that changes everything! When personal emotions are triggered they usually aren't isolated but they give rise to all the buried emotions of the past. For instance, if a mother was preparing to send her daughter off to college, it may prompt past fears of abandonment when her father left the family when she was a little girl. God is never just dealing with one thing! If we could learn through practice to see our life from a biblical perspective then everything would change for the better. We would start to see all of life's happenings from  an eternal view rather than a worldly view...we could see our life as a personal script written by the Holy hand of God. Hallmark movies don't always have happy endings but they do always end with deep meaning and profound revelation as to how our loving Father is intimately involved in our joy and our pain.

If we go through life expecting happy perfection rather than profound, meaningful journeys then we will be disappointed. Our purpose here is to grow from grace, not to get everything we want and live the perfect story book life. Suffering is a part of life and without it we would have no concept of joy. The painting of our life story would not have depth or tone and it is in those recesses where hearts are moved and touched. We have all been given the perfect role, and that is our life. Are we going to be spoiled, argumentative actors who only see how uncomfortable and miserable the scenes are making us and never realize the big picture OR a humble participant in an ensemble of privileged persons who have been blessed with the opportunity to bring one of God's stories to life? You may have been chosen to perform in your life story before a massive audience with much influence, whereas, others may feel as if God is the only one watching, yet, they live the play that has been written for them, knowing that they will never know how or who their story touched. Whether we see meaning in our suffering or not...our circumstances are pregnant with God's fruit and it will blossom and ripen with absolute promise and meaning!

Your life  IS a Hallmark Movie and no matter what the storm we must trust the heart of the Writer that the story is written with purpose and deep love. Our lives have a beginning, a middle and an end...that's a fact no matter how many or how few acts your play has. How we came to be...what happens during our life, how it ends and at what age, are all a part of the story and plot which includes problems, joys and ultimately deep purpose and meaning that will bring change to the hearts that God has chosen.  All of life is not random nor is it meaningless, your precious life has been written to perfection and it is God's desire that we would take the script, fully knowing that it may be overwhelming to play, yet choose it because we know that He will ultimately work all things together for good for those who love Him (Romans 8:28).

In this life, our desires should not be things that moth and rust destroy but our treasures should be in heaven (Matthew 6:19). My mom died when I was thirteen and I blamed God for that excruciating pain most of my life, but no more. I see it now, as with the rest of my life as the script God wrote for me and only me, I lovingly and peacefully accept it because I trust Him now more than my feelings or instincts. That trust did not come easily but through tough times of solitude, pain and even feelings of abandonment. I had a choice to make though, was I going to doubt and resent God or trust and believe Him. Whatever it is that you have lost or are losing now, God's amazing grace has found it and He is keeping it for you. One day soon we will all be together and we will forget the pain of life just as a mother forgets child birth, and we will all be rewarded for our believing Him. He will wipe away every tear, wash away every fear, then turn our faces toward the stage of an eternal play of light, joy and life that will never end. Hold steady dear ones, for our redemption draws near (Luke 21:28).

Scriptures about Christ's return: Luke Chapter 21, 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 and 5:1-11, Isaiah chapters 40, 41..., For a powerful read about God and His power beyond ours... read Job chapters 38-42, Psalm 103 will tell you about His compassion and love for us. 

Water into Water

A Poem by Dee Hartmann

Words dispelled like water being poured into water, never to be gathered together again. Thoughts that fade into space and leave no image behind of their influence or meaning. Grace to write

The lost or interrupted brush stroke that never will be. The art made from fear of humiliation rather than the power of the truth and conviction of the heart. Never to be recaptured. Grace to paint.

A dream conceived in ones heart, filled with imagination and expectation. Yet life's road leads elsewhere, our relinquishment needs peace. Grace to carry on.

The uprooted garden spills its seeds and propagates in the next season...what was, is gone, and what will be, will come. The fruits of the past have surrendered to the earth. Grace to sow.

The life that never saw light, gone before our love could fall down upon them. Gone from our embrace, but cradled now in the everlasting arms. Grace to love on.

Water into water...We know of the things that have been poured out, seeing them as separate is no more...they are a part of everything now. We live the prayers of loss and gain, God is in and of, and we shall rest in that. Grace to hope.

No Excuses

Romans 1:19,20...what is known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities...His eternal power and divine nature....have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.
I adore this bible verse because I can relate to it so much! I see God all around me..I find myself amazed at so many of His creations! Look how fruit comes in it's own container, and how inside that container or skin, like the orange, are hundreds of smaller containers (pulp), holding tiny little squirts of juice that all pop in your mouth as you chew them! I gaze in wonder at the produce department and how every single fruit and veggie are different and interesting with all their textures, colors and flavors. When my son was young we used to ask the produce manager to help us pick out something new and different that we hadn't tried yet. The experience was intriguing, educational, fun and it opened our eyes to God's attention to detail and His limitless creativity.

Another wonder of life is the process of photosynthesis that occurs in the living plants! God uses light and the plants chlorophyll to convert carbon dioxide and water into carbohydrates and oxygen for our survival! It's like a heavenly power-plant of natural energy and it's end results are beyond our wildest imaginations, not just on earth but also below the waters of the sea. I'm dazzled by varieties of grapes in a bowl on my counter, watching a bee fly when science says it's impossible or a hummingbird hover before a hibiscus. I look with bewilderment and awe at the solar system and our inability to see as far as God has created. I'm shocked with delight at the stripes on a zebra and the spots on a leopard and all the animals of Africa, The sea creatures, the flora in the Amazon, the exotic birds and especially the marvel of conception and a new born baby.

This wonder can go on and on and it should. The waves know where to stop, the sun gives warmth and light, the moon commands the tide, the varieties of flowers, animals, plants, insects, and the complexities of the human body and mind! No man has figured out how to make a living cell from nothing nor has he an answer for our creation. It's all spectacular and God made it all so that there would be evidence of Him everywhere we look. Yet, some say there is no God. How is that possible? While some people choose to open their hearts to all the wonder, others have hard hearts and refuse to see a God that loves them. Some think that their brains can figure this all out but they forget that God made their brain. Others choose to worship the created rather than the Creator. Then there are those who just don't take the time to inquire because they are so focused on staying busy, and some spend all their time blaming someone else for their ills or misfortunes and miss out on the glory that's right before them. And sadly, there are those who laugh at the thought of a Living God that loves and cares for them and they mock Him just like the Roman guards and the angry crowd did when our Savior hung on the cross. There are innocents out there that are being taught things contrary to the fact that there is a creative, inspirational, funny, powerful and loving God that adores and cherishes them above all other things. They are being taught that they were made from sludge, with no apparent purpose, and they're on their own as far as life goes. Then, there are those who just ignore it all and live their lives so unaware.

All we can do is pray for the stubborn and disconnected, and let them see God's beauty in us, then go and help the lost to see the truth and the glorious magnificence of God that is in them and around them.

We are worthy of God's love through His son Jesus Christ. Because He gave His life for us, we can have all the riches of God by just asking Him to forgive us, then accepting His gift of pardon. Ask Him now to come into your heart and then abide with Him. He will never leave you and you will finally know that you have an earthly and eternal purpose that goes beyond yourself. One of the best perks is that you will begin to see Him in everything! Your sense of amazement will begin to flow like living water bubbling up inside you. Your heart and eyes will be opened to a new ideal and truth that will begin to transform you and then reach out and transform others through you!

God is real and His word tells us that there is no excuse for people to say that He doesn't exist. When Christ rode the colt into Jerusalem and the crowds were exalting Him and joyfully praising God with loud voices saying, "Blessed is the King who comes in the name of the Lord, peace in heaven and glory in the highest!" The Pharisees told Jesus to make the people stop worshiping Him and He replied, "I tell you...If they keep quiet, the stones will cry out."

If the stones can worship Him...shouldn't we find it in ourselves to believe in Him and praise Him for all that He has given us?

1 Chronicles 16:33-36  Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad; let them say among the nations, "The Lord reigns!" Let the sea resound, and all that is in it; let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them! Then the trees of the forest will sing, they will sing for joy before the Lord, for He comes to judge the earth. Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever. Cry out, "Save us O God our Savior; gather us and deliver us from the nations, that we may give thanks to your holy name, that we may glory in your praise." Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, from everlasting to everlasting. Then all the people said, "Amen" and "Praise the Lord."

....since what may be known about God is plain to them, since God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.  Romans 1:19,20


*A wonderful book to read is, "More Than Meets the Eye", by Richard A. Swenson, M.D.,  Fascinating glimpses of God's power and design.

Easing Off

Life is scary. Sure, there are times when joy and freedom take over our lives but deep down we try to muffle our inner voice that says, "It can't stay this good, a trial must be right around the corner, when is the other shoe going to drop!" Inner fear, even not admitted, is always there reminding us that life is not fair and at any moment we can be thrown a curve ball. Unexpected illness, trauma for a loved one, accidents, loss.... How do we live life without the fear of the ensuing gauntlet ahead? God knows what lies ahead, He is fully aware and prepared for what is around the corner. We can decorate our path any way we choose but what lies beyond us is out of our control and that is what scares us. Only trusting our Heavenly Father will give us peace, and that peace is only found in stillness.


Apart from God's Word and resting in His presence, the only option people have is distraction, the busying of the mind and body. Our instinct is to make an alternate plan or divert from the frightening or unknown plan that seems to be unfolding before us. But God calls us to first "be still" and wait (Psalm 37:7). WAIT! Is He crazy? And He calls us to "fear not" (Isaiah 41:13) and "have peace" (Romans 5:1). "What??? God, are you serious? This doesn't sound like a very good plan to me (as I'm sure Moses thought as he stood between his approaching enemies on iron chariots and the raging Red Sea), but God usually has to take us to a point where ALL OPTIONS ARE GONE before we stop saying, "Listen Lord, let me get us out of this, then You can take over after that, okay? If I have to sit still through this, I'll go insane!" That's the first thought I think when times get frightening. My mind immediately begins to think of all the options, then I test each one to see if it's a possibility. Sure, I pray and do all the right Christian things but under the calm appearance of the floating duck...my feet are furiously paddling away! It's as if I'm saying to God, "I know You are in control (Roman 8:6 ) and that everything will work out for my good and to your glory (Romans 8:28) BUT, let me offer just a few suggestions that I think will work out better..." I then begin the busyness of mistrust.

It's only human nature and it's alright to react that way. God knows us so well and He will just calmly wait for us to wear ourselves out and finally ask Him to take over. I'm so grateful that I know the Word of God! I admit, my first reactions are usually human responses, before I rest and finally trust God and His plan, but without the knowledge and wisdom of His Holy Word I wouldn't have a better alternative and that scares me more than the fiery trials. Look at the story about the Walls of Jericho (Book of Joshua), God calls upon His people to walk around their enemies tall, protective city walls and sing praises, play music and dance. What??? Seriously, would any of us now a days even consider doing that in front of our peers and enemies? Isn't looking and acting cool in front of our peers what matters most? And, I think the main objective as we stand before our enemies is to look fierce and intimidating, right? But in this bible story God's faithful servants did what He asked them to do and the Walls of Jericho tumbled outward. He gave them victory and all God asked from them was obedience.

The story of Gideon (Book of Judges) is one of my favorites! God finds Gideon in a pit, secretly doing his work in fear, so as to not be exposed to his enemies. The Angel of God says to frightened Gideon, "The Lord is will you, mighty warrior". Mighty warrior? Then, the first thing Gideon does is question the angel, asking him, "If the Lord is with us then why has all this happened to us? "Where are all His wonders that our father's told us about when they said, "Did not the Lord bring us up out of Egypt?" "But now the Lord has abandoned us and put us into the hand of our enemy." I love Gideon's humanness! The Lord then turns to him and says, "Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of the hands of her enemy." "Am "I" not sending you?" "But Lord", Gideon asked, "How can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest.. and I am the least in my family." The Lord answered, "I will be with you and you will strike down all the Midianites together."

Gideon went on to ask God for signs all along the way and God was faithful to Gideon, bringing success through His human but obedient servant (read Judges, chapters 6,7,8. It'samazing!). The point of the story is Gideon's humanness, God doesn't look at us with disgust because we are vulnerable and weak. But, He does not have any desire to leave us that way either! God searches for obedient souls not self-sufficient ones. He looks for people that will do the job that God has planned for them, not people with their own plans. If I have learned anything, it's that God has invisible plans that we will have no idea about until we see all the truths in heaven revealed. And, every time I feel all righteous and ready, God allows circumstances in my life to bring me back to a humble state of heart and mind before He sends me out to do His work (James 4:6, God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble). Gideon had no plan, neither did Moses or anyone for that fact and who ever did, be it Balaam or Saul, God surely changed their plans to His because He knows what is best. God does not reveal the entire plan either, He unfolds it before us so as to build our faith. Romans 5:3b ....but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character, character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us.

Hope does not disappoint...I love that. Trials...suffering...perseverance...character...hope. How many areas of our lives do we need these traits? And, how many lessons do we need to go through to learn them in every area? That is God's plan for us while we are here on this earth....trials, suffering, perseverance, character and hope. And, in between that work God will give us times of joy and change our hearts of pride or cowardice to hearts that can be still and wait upon His direction. He will use us to His glory and He will use us in the lives of others. Life is meant to be lived one moment at a time because God knows that's all we can handle. So why do we want to grab it all and try to control it? Because we're afraid that God is not bigger than what we are going to have to deal with. BUT HE IS. God is never hard on us like we are on ourselves. His love for us is so far beyond what we could imagine, so we need to learn stillness, so that His love can transform us and our circumstances....one step at a time.

Jeremiah 29:11-14  For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then, you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart.

Romans 12:12 says, Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

God could get SO MUCH DONE if we just trusted Him completely!

For He has not turned away from the suffering of the one in pain and trouble. He has not hidden His face from him. But He has heard his cry for help. Psalm 22:24

Take courage (Acts 23:11)

God told the Apostle Paul in 2 Corinthians 12:9 ...My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness!
Such a beautiful blessing upon us, if only we could rest under it before we wear ourselves out first. Humans hate feeling weak, yet, that is when God uses them! He is the strength in our weakness!

Practice being still and waiting....becoming saturated in God's peace and confidence... and most importantly not moving ahead in our own plan but just learning to take one step at a time when we're told to. Getting ahead of God is not a good place to be.

"Come! Follow Me!", Jesus said.

Porcupine or Puppy?

Meditate on this:

It's not how much you do but with how much love you do it.  ~Mother Theresa~

Would Christ's work on the cross mean what He intended, if He did it without love?

Read 1 Corinthians, chapter 13, and check yourself to each meaning of love.

This post will mean nothing to those who don't do the lesson and it will mean everything to those who do.

Life is not a check-list....it's a story...What's yours? Are you a busy porcupine that doesn't have the time to find peace so you've become too prickly to be around or are you a puppy that makes the time to indulge, take it all in and then knows when to rest and be approachable?

Whatever you do, do it in the Spirit of love or it is as dust in the wind. D.H.

Lindsey Update

Lindsey's condition has not changed. She continues to suffer with liver and intestine problems on top of the aneurysm. Please continue prayers for her. God is in this and our prayers will not go unanswered. Anyone reading this...even if it's your first time on this site...please join us in praying for Lindsey.

Dopey or Nothing!

The most amazing thing happened the other night! The Lord revealed a deep truth to my heart regarding an area of my life where I've been struggling for years! I was depriving myself of many good things because my heart had taken a stance of stubbornness toward someone. I stood my ground and determined in my heart that if I couldn't have what I felt was fair and just, then I didn't want any of it. I blamed them for my suffering, but never acknowledged their brokenness and inner struggle. I saw it as a deliberate torture technique and my anger burned against them for their ability to watch me suffer so deeply emotionally. They weren't giving me what I needed so I punished them by not giving them what they needed, we all suffered. I cut off my nose to spite my face and stoked a fire in my heart that would come to almost destroy me.

In looking back, I see only two stubborn people who missed out on a lot of good things. One being an avoidant and the other being a pursuant made for a marathon of demanding and denying, that went on for years. The avoidant ignored the pain that they caused by not addressing their own issues and because of that, the pursuant suffered deeply. I (the pursuant), began an archaeological dig into their heart and became obsessed with why they couldn't find a reason for their behavior! If they couldn't do it, then I would relentlessly dig until I found a resolution. Many years later, exhausted from a fruitless search, I found no answer and I broke down. What are we to do when someone won't change and that refusal causes so much suffering? God calls us to surrender, just like His son Jesus did on the  cross, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." But can we trust God to avenge us or make it right or is taking matters into our own hands the only option? The first thing we need to know is that God's nature is to heal through love. So, the question would be, "Do we trust God, or is it vengeance we seek above all else? Could it be that we are so blind with anger that we would choose a life of contempt just to make the other person as miserable as we are?" It takes a lot of surrendering of pride to choose to love someone who is causing you deep distress. It takes a lot less energy to forgive and trust God with it. (Note: If anyone is suffering from abuse, I am not suggesting to remain in a dangerous situation. Go to a safe place where you can work on your inner healing process with God.)

When an injustice is committed against us we sometimes think that the other person knows exactly what they're doing, but in reality, if that person knew better then they would do better. Forgiving first sets "us" free, and then that act of Godly love can change even the coldest of hearts sometimes. Those who remain unrepentant will have to answer to God one day but our act of releasing them still sets us free! My unforgiving heart held me prisoner for years and I suffered tremendously. My choice to rebel and disobey God's command to forgive ate me alive from the inside out and now seeing it in retrospect, I just added insult to injury. I was injured so I insulted! I deliberately chose to resent someone because of my feelings of entitlement, yet, at the same time I refused to admit that I was consciously doing that. All the while, I heard an angry voice deep inside me screaming, "It's not fair!" Thank God that Jesus didn't act like me as He hung on the cross!

After years of seeking resolve but finding only dead ends, God did something miraculous the other night that blew me away! I had woken up from a dead sleep and got up to go pee...as I stumbled to the bathroom I was half asleep and half awake yet God's Spirit started a thought process in my mind. It all happened in a matter of a few minutes but the lesson He was revealing to my heart felt as if it was an hour! At first, my heart was saying to Him, "I can't go on like this anymore, all hope is gone and this will never change! I have crawled to the finish line and still no resolve!" I felt abandoned, robbed and completely discouraged, but then I started thinking about the grieving process (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and lastly, acceptance), and God spoke to my spirit and whispered, "It's time to stop fighting, time to release your stubborn grip and trust Me. You have worn yourself out trying it your way. You need to just love this person and let them love you the only way they know how." I wept and said, "I accept it...give me the love I need to do this Lord."

My heart felt a sense of relief and then the Holy Spirit took my mind back to a very old memory....I was a young girl, probably third grade and I was standing in the breezeway of my old elementary school waiting for my bus to come. My teacher was next to me and asked me, "Are you excited about being in the school play? (Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs). I replied, "Yes, but only if I can be Dopey. If I can't be Dopey then I don't want to be anything!" She responded immediately, "Well, then maybe you won't be anything." I felt embarrassed and I remember wanting her to feel as bad as me so I said, "Fine, I don't care." Well, here I was 46 years later and I was feeling the exact same feeling in my current dilemma! I felt God say to me in a loving yet facetious way, "I gave you exactly what you wanted, you got to be Dopey." Yes, I got to be Dopey alright!

My dear friend Rogina told me about this mental exercise years ago, where you ask yourself to think of the first memory that comes into your head, then name what you're feeling in that memory and it will tell you what you're feeling in your current plight. It's always accurate and revealing, yet this time I realized that God uses it as a very effective tool for us to acknowledge and change the broken and immature child inside! In a flash, a blink of an eye, God revealed the truth about my heart to me, He used a flashback to make me finally understand why this old habit of mine caused me nothing but pain and suffering. My stubborn heart robbed not only me but my loved one of so much goodness. Maybe they didn't know how to change, but I now did. In a matter of seconds, God flashed scenario after scenario of times in my life where stubbornness robbed me of joy! Sometimes we must lose a battle in order to win the war. God was clear...surrender this to Me....If you trust Me with this act of obedience, I will give you a peace beyond anything that you could ever imagine (Phillipians 4:7). I went back to sleep and awoke the next morning with this epiphany fresh in my mind, heart and soul!

That morning I surrendered my deepest struggle to God and began to release all my resentment, bitterness, anger, fury, helplessness...to Him and He started flowing His love and healing through me. I had opened up the release valve finally, and let my angst start pumping out, while at the same time, I attached myself tightly to God and let Him fill me with the newness and goodness that comes with forgiveness! I'm done despising and resenting....I'm free and I have handed my situation over to God finally! I have come to the complete revelation that my unforgiveness poisoned everything, but God's love will purify it and that's what I truly desired. I let go and I now trust God with all of it. I will enjoy what love I do get and be grateful for it, I don't want to carry all that contempt anymore. I don't know what the outcome will be but I know that God works all things together for good, so that sounds a lot better than what I was doing. They say unforgiveness is like taking poison then waiting for the other person to die. I can attest that that is exactly what unforgiveness is like and I am so grateful that God rescued me. Why did it take so long? The answer is simple....it's because I was stubborn, I trusted my anger over God's love and I was determined that... if I couldn't be Dopey then I didn't want to be anything.... and I got exactly what I demanded.

I believe now that I have ripped up the roots of discontentment and have planted a tree of love that God will honor my act of surrender and obedience. He will bring a river of healing, so that where there was once bitterness there will now be new growth. Love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8). I threw out the baby with the bath water and caused a painful situation to be even more painful. When we try to find all the love we need in others rather than from God, we are just setting ourselves up for a long fall. God is the source of all love, God "is" love. Psalm 73:23 reads, "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." I made a mess of a mess when I clung to my pride, I felt unjustly treated but God knows a better way, a way that will not destroy us like ours will. We can never change another person unless they want to change and isn't that what we really want, is for them to "choose" us! To choose to change because we are worth it! That's exactly what God wants from each of us, to want to change and repent of our old ways so we can be called children of the Most High. He would know that we loved Him of our own free will. Change starts in our own hearts and all the contemptuous behavior in the world will not get someone to change for you....only love will.

Matthew 6:14,15  For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But, if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (This sure makes you look at forgiveness differently, doesn't it!?)

Forgive your enemies in your heart and hold no malice toward them. Then, you can draw strong boundaries without carrying hate in your heart. You can live a life free of bitterness and anger yet still self-protect and be obedient to God. 

Deuteronomy32:35  Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord.

 Luke 6:37  Forgive and you will be forgiven...

Luke 23:34  Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.

Colossians 3:13  Forgive as the Lord forgives you.

Never use sin as an excuse to sin....hating someone because they hurt you, is like hurting yourself for them.

Do everything in love.  1 Corinthians 16:14

Suggested reading: How to Forgive... When You Don't Feel Like It, by June Hunt, A Step Farther and Higher, by Gail MacDonald, Boundaries, by Cloud and Townsend.

Hey... got five minutes?

Psalm 19:14 O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.
Psalm 46:10 Be still and know...that I AM God.

We don't "feel" God, we "know" God. Psalm 46:10 says, "Be still and "know" that I am God...", it doesn't say, "Test the winds today to see which way they blow and see if you feel God in your life." And, how do we get to know someone....we spend time with them. How well could we possibly say we know someone if we rarely spend quality time with them? That person would be merely an aquaintance, not a friend. No one has bared their soul to you more than Jesus! The bible tells everything about Him..from how He was there before the earth was established to His humiliating public death on the cross, then resurrection from the grave to His promise of returning for us to deliver us from a world that is going to self destruct. He has revealed every aspect of Himself to you because He wants a relationship with you. Will you stop your hurried life to sit and be still with the One who loves you?

Staying busy is way easier than being still. Why is that so true when it comes to spending time with Jesus? What are we so afraid of? Some will say that they spend much time before Christ in prayer, and that's good...but, we also need the time of stillness with Him. Have you ever had such a good friend in someone  that you didn't have to constantly entertain them but you could just "be there" with them...no words, no busyness, just quiet time in the company of a special friend. The first picture of that, that comes to my mind are the fishermen I see when we go up to the mountains! They are either alone or with a friend but they are silent for the most part and they practice a patience and stillness that is rarely seen! I just sit in wonder at the peace they are enjoying. They know how to be still and wait AND they love to sit around with their friends afterwards and tell stories! Fisherman are a unique breed and maybe that's why Jesus chose them as His closest friends!

It's so contrary to our nature to sit in stillness. Many will spend a lot of money to go to a spa or on a vacation so that they can try to be still. Some wish they had the time or money to do that but they will consider the time alone in their car or at the dentist as a quiet time of almost stillness for them. I think most of us can relate to certain moments that bring that sense of peace, such as a moment in the sun, where it's warmth seems to be like a blanket over you and your mind calms down to a point where you whisper your thanks to God. You may lay there for awhile and just let your thoughts drift to God, then His quiet still voice may speak back to you! A serene time of ebb and flow with your closest friend and Savior! How wonderful and sacred are those times. Yet when we return back to our busy lives we seem to loose that slice of life. These sacred moments seem to not have a place in our busy lives and we start to practice the ritual of only having them when we get away rather than incorporate them into our daily grind as we should. It's not about running ourselves ragged then dragging our lifeless bodies to some place of refuge! A matter of fact most people won't stop till they get sick and are forced to retreat! There is a solution...or compromise if you prefer...

Start by setting aside five minutes of holy time, holy means set apart as special, like we are called to be in this world. Set a timer and you will find very quickly that your time will be up before you're ready to stop! Open your bible before you with a pen in hand and read just a paragraph or parable while you underline certain words or sentences that speak to you, then close your eyes and just let God fill your mind. You don't need to think or have an inner monologue. I picture myself sitting lakeside with Jesus and the tiny waves are just tapping the shore with a rhythmic beat as the two of us just stare out at the serene view. As you practice this you will see yourself mature in this holy time and you will discover that it is not a scary thing nor a ritual that you should reserve for only mountain retreats! You will be digesting God's Word into your being and adopting heavenly thoughts to dwell in you richly! The longer you dwell in the garden, the more you'll smell like roses! That's why we're here...is to bring the sweet aroma of God to others. They will see His image in us because our time with Him will radiate from us! He will be glorified through our sacrifice of time and our obedience to His calling.

Some may say, "I serve God with my time that I give generously to others." That's a good thing, but we all have so much that we can give before we need to be filled again, and the same is said of filling our life with so much that we need to empty it out at times! We all need God to not only fill us but to empty us also. I know people that are about to burst because they take all of life's burdens in, but never sit with their Savior and empty themselves of all the stress and worry! I also know people that never read God's Word or sit with Jesus and there is no in-flow of fresh water into their lives, they are stagnant and they try to use their acts of service as brownie points with God! All Jesus wants is to spend time with you so you can leave being filled with His power and love and also be emptied of your stress, anger, worry, bitterness.... It's really simple and pure but our fears keep it complicated because that's exactly what the enemy wants! Satan's main objective is to get you to not spend time with God in that special way because he knows that if you do that, you will fall in love with your Savior and you won't be able to be deceived anymore!

Surrender and find peace.

The Lord is my Shepard, I will not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside the still waters...He restores my soul.

The Divine Now

Meditate on this....
We don't wait for God's answers, we live in them.

Holy Mishmash

The choicest and most beautiful gardens are the ones that grow in the rich compost of the scraps of life! The Master Gardener takes the organic material that is considered waste to us and he tends his compost pile, knowing precisely what is to be thrown away and what is to be kept! He carefully and skillfully separates pods from stalks, knowing that he will gather seeds from the pods but nothing from the worthless stalks. He keeps the petals of the flowers to scent his precious oils but the thorns bear him no use. And although the gardener has a keen eye for what is of value and what is not, he still knows the usefulness and blessing of what the final mulch will bring! Our blooms (wisdom) and our fruit (blessings from the Holy Spirit) grow with robust vigor because they take root in the rich compost that remains from our times of trials and tribulations!

We may see life's circumstances as senseless and cruel but that is not how the The Master Gardener sees it. In the book of Isaiah 29:16 it reads, How can what is made say to Him who made it, "Why did you make me this way?!" Does the red rose bawl at the yellow rose, "Why am I colored like blood, when you get to be the color of sunshine!" Will the dirt that houses the roots of the mighty oak shout, "Why do you get to see the sky when I am just tread upon!" All of nature knows their purpose and revels in their service unto the Master Gardener! Why then do we humans find so much fault in the One who knows all things? Our cries should be, "What?" not "Why?" We should cry out to God, "What do you want to do with this Lord?" not, "Why did you do this to me?!" Sure, the grieving process will take us through those steps but we should always desire to rise from our darkness with a heart that seeks the light!

God sees the entire picture, yet we, with our limited view think we know better than Him! God knows when a life will grow like the mighty oak while yet another falls to become compost for other new life! When a tree is chopped down does it complain that it is not used in the Holy Temple of God or should it find honor that it was chosen for our Lord to hang upon! God allows circumstances to decompose us to a point where we see no use for our life but our Heavenly Father knows where and how to use that compost to further His kingdom! It has been through decomposition of my life that I've seen God's indomitable hand bring about new saplings of believers.  He uses my brokenness to reveal His deep love to others through my lamentations and praise! It is beyond our limits, where God shows His limitless power!

It is in the garden of our life that God toils each day, pulling the weeds of resentment, bitterness, anger...then turning and using those same things to create a mixture to plant us in, so we can grow! He tills the soil of our hearts with the plow of suffering and sacrifice and mixes in the the things that we see as waste but He sees as nutrients for blessings to grow, a Holy mishmash! The Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22,23) is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness and self-control. How are we to grow strong roots that can never be eradicated if we will never allow the Master Gardener to prune us deeply. If we make the choice to refuse the wisdom and skill of God then we will live lives destined to be unfruitful! If we want to produce fruit we must also be willing to sacrifice our comfort and sometimes the outer appearance of beauty or perfection in our lives! There is a story of a man who chose wisely and his name was Joseph...

Joseph, whose story is written in the book of Genesis, was a young man who was pruned so deeply but still chose to see God's hand in it. He was a child of privilege who was sold into slavery by his own brothers, falsely accused by his master's wife, forgotten by a confidante, and thought to be dead by his beloved father. Yet, in every circumstance of his life he served others as if he were serving God himself! He took the deep blows to the soil of his life, he trusted as the hand of his God pruned him to a stump and through it all he remained faithful and obedient to a God that appeared to be unfair and cruel! Joseph never doubted the love of his Heavenly Father or the purpose that He would bring to fruition in his life! After, years of making the best of horrible situations, God's work was done in Joseph's heart and he was a sharp and ready tool for God to use in the most profound way!

Joseph was finally remembered by his confidant when the Pharaoh of Egypt needed a dream interpreted. He said to Pharaoh that he could not interpret the dream but his God could and as he revealed that a great famine was coming, Pharaoh appointed Joseph second only to him to run Egypt! He prepared the kingdom for the famine and when it hit, Joseph's brothers had to come to where Joseph ruled to get food (read Genesis 37-50). In the end, Joseph says something to his brothers that we should brand in our hearts! Joseph doesn't look at his life as a waste but as a mighty oak that rose from it and he says to them, "What Satan intended for evil, God worked out for good!" Wow! What faith to come through all that and give glory to God rather than take revenge and let bitterness rule his heart! I struggle every day with a complaining heart...my immature inner voice demands for my life to be in constant bloom and when the sharp sheers of my Master want to prune me back I cry out in revolt, "Whyyyyy???"

Have you ever seen a flower grow through a crack in a sidewalk? Or a tree burst through the side of a rocky cliff? God's power and love can bring blossoms from where you thought only thorns were! The things that God is doing can sometimes only be seen through His heavenly microscope. ALL things are working together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). It was thorns that tore the flesh of our Savior and old rusty spikes that pierced His hands and feet, but through that spilt blood we have salvation! And it was the splintered plank that served no other purpose that they used to hang our Lord on! What we see as waste, God sees as holy sacrifice! There is not one sorrow, one tear, one broken heart that God will not use to His higher purpose if we just let Him! Children of God, we must come to see, as our brother Joseph did, that our Heavenly Father will one day take us to a higher place and we will share in all His riches...never having to sacrifice again or wallow in the compost of this world. He will come for us when our work is completed here on this earthly sod and take us to our new home where sorrow and weeping do not exist! We will share in His eternal bounty and bask in His endless love!

May we learn one thing dear Lord, and that is to say, "This hurts Jesus, yet I know, that you know how I feel...I will trust you till the end." Amen

Isaiah 53:3  He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.

John 11:35  Jesus wept.

1 Peter 4:12,13  Do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice, that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed!

Suggested reading: Chapter 11 in the Gospel of John, Chapter 53 in the book of Isaiah, There's Hope for the Hurting by Richard Lee, The four Gospels.

Why Pray?

2 Chronicles 20:20 Have faith in the Lord your God.

I have spent this day in prayer for Lindsey (see next post down for details), I put on praise music and worshiped God, I thought, reflected, sought the scriptures and soon the Holy Spirit began to form a path in my thoughts that led me to a truth that I had forgotten about. I knew that there was scripture that said we could ask God to change His mind about something, but it just didn't seem right to do such a thing so I prayed and sought for truth regarding this and God led me to it! In the book of Genesis, the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah were evil beyond repair so God said that His wrath would come down on the cities and destroy them and their inhabitants. Abram, a man of God, pleaded with God that if he could find righteous people in the city then would God spare them? Abram said to God, "Surely You will not destroy the righteous along with the wicked?" God heard Abram's request and changed the course of action to deliver his nephew Lot and his family from Sodom for they were the only righteous left. God listened to Abram His servant and honored his request. (Read Genesis 18:16-33).

Moses pleaded with God several times to save the Israelites from destruction because of their turning to false idols over and over again and their constant complaining and lack of faith in God. (Read Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy.) Moses pleaded on behalf of God's people for God to restrain His hand from destroying them even though the people themselves did not pray for forgiveness! God listened to His servant Moses and honored His requests.

God wants us to intercede with prayer! He wants us to be unrelenting in our requests for His kindness and deliverance! God wants our faith to be a verb, an action, not a sleeping giant! As I kept praying for God to reveal the one biblical truth that I knew was there but couldn't remember, He opened my eyes to it! In the book of Luke, chapter 18:1-8, is the story of the Persistent Widow, who went back and back and back to an indifferent and ungodly Judge for justice until he finally relented to her request just to get her to go away! After the parable Jesus then speaks, "Listen to the answer of the unjust Judge, and will not God bring about justice for His chosen one's who cry out to Him day and night? Will He keep putting them off? I tell you, He will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will He find faith on the earth?" God wants a hungry determined prayer filled with faith and confidence! He wants us to want it answered so bad that we will not relent in our asking, seeking and knocking! He wants us to want it as bad as He wants to give it!

I sat before God today and asked Him to change His mind about taking Lindsey home to Him. I asked Him to change the course that she is on, with her little body twisted and dying and to re-chart a new course of complete healing and a long life here on earth so she can tell others about His goodness and power! Yes, I asked God to change His plans for Lindsey and at first it didn't feel right but the Word of God tells me to go to Him boldly and that it is alright to ask Him to change His course, so I did. God wants us to have that kind of faith! He searches the earth for a righteous and faithful person! Be that person! Stop practising an impotent faith that says to your heart that you should just settle for whatever happens! That is NOT what God wants! He wants faith, undoubted, unshakable faith, a faith that is so determined and sure that "no weapon formed against it would prosper" (Isaiah 54:17)! If God searches the whole earth will He see our faith? I cowered for years squeaking out weak, ineffective prayers because I just supposed that God was going to do what He wanted anyway! Lindsey's fight for her very life has caused me to search for God's truth regarding prayer. We are to intercede for each other (1 Timothy 2:1), then the Holy Spirit takes our requests and interprets them to God (Romans 8:26-27), Jesus then intercedes for us to the Father (Romans 8:34b & Hebrews 7:25b) and as it reads in Romans 8:27,28...He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.

Give me more faith in You Lord, for I've used up what I had, I only poured out bits at a time, so what little I had would not run out. Forgive me for doubting You and thinking that Your power had limits. Forgive me for entertaining and believing thoughts that You didn't care what I thought or wanted. Search my heart and know me, test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting (Psalm 139:23,24). Fill me to overflowing and let it spill all over the place, make me a vessel that lets it flow through and not one that holds it back, believing that it must be rationed. Pour through me into other lives, the bountiful storehouses of your faith and never let my heart run dry again! Yes Lord, I know that it's through trials that my faith increases and I trust You however You choose to provide that faith to me! You say throughout the Gospels that it was a person's faith that healed them, saved them, fed them, delivered them....It was their faith "in You" not the faith in themselves to produce it on their own.  GIVE ME THAT FAITH!

You also say that we should have the faith of a child, Our faith is never about how much we can muster up, it's always about how much we believe that YOU are able! That's what makes it child-like because it's not about believing in ourselves but trusting in someone bigger! A child's prayer is one of total surrender, complete belief and unreserved trust. They call upon God with full assurance that He will always take care of the next step! GIVE ME THAT FAITH LORD! Don't let my heart be the one that sits on the sideline and wishes for the best or thinks that my prayers don't really mean anything because You've already determined the outcome. Let me see with clear eyes that You are waiting to see me stand up and stand firm, calling out to You with unbridled faith to hear my pleas! I know that there will be times Lord when Your sovereign will must be done, but don't ever let that reduce the fervency of my prayers. Whether You intercede with healing and deliverance or "Your" perfect will is done, I will still praise Your name and see You "in it"! Thank you for using Lindsey's circumstance to reveal this powerful truth to me and to so many others! Blessed be Your name! Hear our prayers Oh Lord, and be merciful. Amen

I was talking with God yesterday and He spoke something very wise to my heart ...."What you look for in a circumstance is exactly what you will find! You can look for the good or you can look for the bad and you will find exactly what you looked for! Even in times of despair you can see God's goodness if you just look hard enough. And the same can be true that there are people that can find bad, even in the most wonderful of circumstances! God's presence is always there, if you search for Him with all your heart.

Matthew 9:22 "Take heart daughter," Jesus said, "Your faith has healed you."

Matthew 9:29 "According to your faith, will it be done unto you"...and their sight was restored.

Matthew 14:29 "Come" said Jesus, so Peter got out of the boat and began to walk upon the water, BUT, when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, "Lord save me!". Immediately Jesus reached out His hand and caught him. "You of little faith," He said, "Why did you doubt?"

*I am not a bible scholar or claim to have the answers to heavenly things but I am a Daughter of the King and I do find my truths from His Word. Don't take what I say as your true north but seek only the wisdom of the King, from His Word to your heart. My agenda is for glory to always be given to God and I seek none for myself. All that you need, you will find "in Him."

Worship

Isaiah 53:5  By His wounds we are healed.
Isaiah 19:22 He will respond to their pleas
and heal them.

From the mountain of the Lord..it will be provided. Genesis 22:14

One of my dear friends, Lesley, that I've  known for many years is suffering right now as her and her family are waiting in the hospital to see if her niece Lindsey is going to live. Lindsey is 28 years old, I know this because her mom gave birth to her when I gave birth to my son. Our children would play together before they could even walk. Then tragedy struck when Lindsey's mom, Diane, got cancer and died at a very young age. My friend Lesley was obviously devastated as was her mom and dad who took in little Lindsey and raised her as their own.

Well, Lindsey is fighting for her life right now in a hospital in upstate N.Y.! She has an aneurysm that seems insurmountable but then today they found even further complications with her liver and intestines. The doctors are not giving a hopeful outlook and the family is overwhelmed with grief! As I wrote yesterday though, there is an army of prayer warriors that are praying right now for a miracle of complete healing! We are standing together in spirit, harboring no doubts in our minds that God will heal Lindsey completely and through that healing will come praise and glory to His name!

Anyone reading this, in any country, anywhere...lift up your praise to God with full assurance and in one accord, glorifying Him for complete healing for Lindsey! Let's pray believing that the doctors, nurses, family will all see the glory of God's power and love! Then, as we all hear of the miracle we will spread the good news that God is with us to everyone! This miracle is about God being glorified so lift up your praises, sing your favorite praise songs, smile at heaven and offer up thanks, dance with your arms up or just sit in awesome wonder with praise in your mind, then go and tell about the greatness of your God! Call, email, text...every faithful prayer warrior you know and ask them to offer up their thanks to God for healing Lindsey! Let us all pray believing and God will be faithful! (Read the scriptures that I listed at the bottom of yesterdays post!)

Thank you Father for your goodness and healing! I sing praises to your name for you take what is crooked and make it straight! I enter into your gates with thanksgiving and into your courts with praise! You are worthy to be praised and my whole being looks to you for light, in the darkness of this world. You bring light and healing through your presence and although you have taught me to sing in the darkness....I love when your light bursts through and we, your children can witness what you truly are...A loving God that desires only goodness and mercy for His children! This world is not our eternal home...our eternity is with you in heaven, where there is no sickness, no suffering and no more tears! Spill that hope into this situation with our sister Lindsey and her family, bring a blessed assurance of complete healing! You are a gracious and giving Father who longs for us to believe in you and the gift of your son Jesus! We believe! We acknowledge your love and power! You are the only true God...the only God that loves...loves us so much that your only son died for us so that you could have fellowship with us for eternity! Your love, power and grace are real and we stand in awe of Lindsey's healing! Thank you Lord...thank you...praise your name above all names....worthy oh Lord to be praised...Hosanna in the highest....pure love is your name....you are good and your love endures forever....blessed Savior....Mighty King...Prince of Peace.....Healer of body, mind and soul....I believe, I believe, I believe in your gift of healing.......We all believe in one accord....Complete healing for Lindsey.....praising you for your love...praising you for your compassion....thank you for complete healing... praise your name above all names......We claim your healing power for Lindsey in Jesus name.....Hallelujah.....Your love endures and heals...praise you Lord....(Continue with praise).....

Prayerfully Surrounded

I sat here this morning praying to God about what He wanted me to write about today. I read His word and sought His wisdom but nothing was stirring inside of me till I received a text from a dear friend and she requested prayer for her niece who was in surgery and fighting for her life. I immediately sent out a text on my text ministry asking everyone who read it to pray for her and within seconds I began getting texts back saying things like, "I'm on my knees praying, I will pray, I will pray all day..." I am blown away at the compassions and commitments that are still coming in!

We are not alone as children of God. We are surrounded by faithful and loving brother's and sister's that will stop what they are doing to go boldly before God's throne and offer up their prayers of deliverance and comfort for their Christian siblings! How beautiful is this...that as children of The Almighty Loving King we stand in the shoes of our suffering comrades, feel their pain and puzzlement of life's drama and adopt it as our own as we fall on our knees to pray for our afflicted family members! I am so proud right now of being a part of this eternal family that stands arm to arm in the gap when a weary fellow soldier is down.

I can't help but to meditate on the prayers that are rising like incense up to the heavenly ears of our Creator and Lover of our Souls. I see them touch His heart as He then turns them into spiritual rain that falls back down onto the hurting lives of the one's prayed for. I can see the angels rushing to all involved with spiritual blessings of comfort, insight and hope that will remain with them as helpers and care-givers until their hearts, minds and souls are at rest and all is well again.

Everything spoken in God's word about prayer requires three things, first we must be right with God, confessing our sins before Him so we can approach His throne with no hindrances. Second, we must pray in accordance with His will, and third, we are required to come boldly before him "believing in faith". One of the first questions that we ask is, How do we know the will of God? How do we know if we should pray for life if it's God's will for someone to die? And, How can we pray believing if we don't know what God's plan is? The answer is...we don't need to know God's plan to pray boldly. Just as Christ prayed in the garden of Gethsemane for His Father to remove the cup of sacrifice of having to die on the cross, He ended His prayer with, "Yet, your will Father, not mine." We have to be ready to accept God's will but at the same time know that the prayer from the heart of someone right with God has much power (James 5:16). We can confidently go to God in prayer and lay our desires out before Him claiming them in faith but at the same time acknowledge God's sovereignty. He has an ultimate plan and we must mature to a point where we trust Him with any outcome because His love knows the entire story and it always ends with working out for our good. How can a soul's story not be accepted when we know it is written on eternal parchment in the blood of our Savior!

I know it sounds contradictory that we could pray with full assurance and faith, believing in our request, but God can choose to work it out another way but it isn't.  Even our Father in Heaven knows loss and grieving because He had to sacrifice His only son at the alter so that our sins could be washed away by His spilt blood. Spending some time in prayer and meditation...sitting at the foot of the cross will always put our doubts at rest. I have to sit there often because I miss my mom so much but I have had to come to see God's sovereign hand in her death and trust Him that it was no mistake, no punishment or random accident. It says in the book of Job that, The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away...blessed be the name of the Lord. When we can be so sure of His great love for us that we can say that with full confidence, it's then that we have received the greatest blessing, the blessing of peace. I spent many years blaming God for taking my mom, thinking He was mean and heartless but I don't feel that way anymore. I know that He is in control and that He knows what's best. Many of the things that I take for granted are actually acts of mercy and grace that God bestows upon me moment by moment. If we focus only on our loss we will never see what we gain! We must come to see Him, not only in the areas where we get our way but in our times of surrendering to His will also.

Our prayers are never ignored by God. I have seen the blind see, doors that were shut pushed wide open, the impossible become possible and provisions where there were none....God has given to me and taken from me...but blessed be His name. I never want to go back to that immaturity of blaming Him for losses, but I desire to continue down the path of trusting Him wherever He takes me. I can't answer all the questions about how God works but I can promise that if you stick with Him, He will bring you to His eternal throne one day and show you why everything happened the way it did. And, at that moment YOU WILL SEE that it was ALL for your best and that He never left your side for even a moment through it all. There are scriptures upon scriptures where He promises to give us what we ask for (see below) but none of us are promised lives without loss and suffering. How it is all balanced in the heavenly realms, I don't know, but I do know that I've come to trust fully the man of sorrows (Jesus) and if He can sacrifice His life for me then I can come to find peace in the sacrifices He asks of me.

Matthew 7:7-8, Matthew 21:22, 1 John 5:14-15, Jeremiah 29:12, Isaiah 65:24, Job 22:27, John 15:7, John 14:13, Matthew 6:6, Psalm 50:15, Proverbs 15:29, Psalm 91:15, Psalm 65:2, Matthew 7:11, Psalm 34:17, Psalm 145:18-19, Matthew 6:8, 1 John 3:22, Jeremiah 33:3, Mark 11:24.

Isaiah 58:9  Then you will call, and the Lord will answer. You will cry and He will say, "Here I am."

Rise up

From the darkness of the earth a flower blooms! 

1 Thessalonians 4:14  We believe that Jesus died and rose again...

What a tremendous comfort to know that we will rise as Christ did, all because He conquered death on the cross! Without the physical resurrection of Jesus, we would have no hope. That's what our baptism represents is the dying to sin and rising up to new life! The promise of the Christ, his birth, life and death are all part of the story of our salvation and redemption but it was in His rising from the grave on the third day that fulfilled His promise that we could live with God for eternity! He bore our sins on the cross but through His resurrection He overpowered death and bought for us, through His spilt blood, the eternal gift of being loved forever!

Can we rise without Him? Can we conquer our sin apart from Him? We rise only because of Him! Our sin has stained us, weighed us down and separated us from our Father's love. Who then can wash us and remove the heavy burden of our sinful nature? Only Jesus can (Ezekiel 16:1-14), because He took all that buried us and brought us up to the light of salvation! His resurrection took us from the grave to eternal life! Apart from that lavish gift, we must learn to see that same scenario played out in our everyday circumstances! How many times have we been saved, delivered, unearthed, brought above a situation in our life that warrants glory to God? It's not just the deliverance that we can see but also all the things that God protects us from that we aren't even aware of! His grace (giving us what we don't deserve) covers us and His mercies (not giving us what we deserve) endure forever!

Every time we change our thought patterns to see God's loving hand working in our life rather than blaming Him, is a time that we acknowledge His resurrection! Every time that we see Him as our deliverer from a situation that threatens to destroy us, we acknowledge His resurrection! Every time we humble ourselves to others and love them, we acknowledge His resurrection! Rising above our selfishness and seeing His love instead, is the reflection of His resurrection! Every time we change our behavior to be more Christ-like, it's a reflection of His resurrection! His power and love that rises higher than our circumstances is a depiction of His rising from the grave of powerlessness to the life of power! When you rise for the day, when you rise to defend someone, when you rise to reach out and serve, when you rise to include someone.....you are acknowledging that God has a purpose for you through His resurrection and that glorifies Him just as that Sunday morning when He emerged from the tomb!

All of life is a mirror of His rising! The tree falls in the forest and it's decomposition (death), makes for fertile soil so the saplings can rise, the sun crests the eastern horizon each and every day bringing us hope, the seed dies before it can give life, and as the child emerges into life from the dark womb...it's all a mirror of His rising! I thank my Heavenly Father for showing Himself in all of nature and life so I can see His Son's sacrificial offering of Himself rise into omnipotence! His resurrection is in everything if you just open not only your physical eyes but ask Him to open your spiritual eyes also! May we all begin to see the resurrection in every aspect of our lives, from the regeneration of cells to the burning energy of the sun, His image rises from all of it! 

Transformation

Every angle, every change of light... changes every view.

I was going over my last post and making corrections and re-writes when I began contemplating how interesting it is how we see the same situation, but from many different views as time elapses! As I'm engrossed in the first emotional draft, I just type as fast as I can to get the raw emotions onto the page. After that initial absolute outpouring, I then look at the draft in a physical form as I make corrections in grammar, punctuation and spelling. After several other perusals, I attempt to edit the story in it's purest form, making sure that absent all audible inflection, the story can be read by the reader with clear interpretation. It's then posted to the blog because I'm so exhausted and my eyes cannot read another word! Yet, I will go to the post later that evening, because it's like looking in the mirror...after you walk away you can't recall with full assurance that what you saw was o.k.! So, like returning to the scene of the crime to collect more details and to view it in a new light, I'll make a few further edits before going to bed, resting with the thought that I did the best that I could.

Upon awakening the next morning, I'll have my morning cup of coffee, do a few things then turn on my computer. Before I start writing for the day, I'll again re-read the previous days post and still find several corrections and revisions that I feel need to be made! How is it that the same issue can be seen so differently as the light simply changes on it with time!? How can we see such blatant changes that need to be made when just hours before there wasn't even an inkling of them!? Then, the analogy emerged from the perplexities, and I saw God's teaching hand pointing to a new revelation!

Are we humans in constant flux? Is God's hand constantly forming us as it says in the book of *Isaiah, and Jeremiah, where the writers draw the metaphor of a Potter and the clay in which He forms? I believe so! Everything in God's Word points to the Creator's loving hands working with precision in the lives of His beloved! God writes us, reads us, re-reads us, edits us, as much as we will allow Him because of our free will, and He will never stop refining us until He sees His image in us. Just as the metallurgist knows the value of his refining fire when he subjects the metals to the heat, he knows just how long they can remain in the fire. And, with careful attentiveness he removes it at just the perfect time so as to skim off the dross and repeat this process until he can see his reflection in the pure metal!

We are God's clay urn... to house His Spirit, His novel...written on our life for men to read and His golden crown that endured many fires to reveal His purity in our lives! God will not leave us to our own demise just as we would not do that to our own children. He will shape us, refine us and make us living tablets that tell of His glory and love! Our life is not written once, read once, and then put on a shelf! We are a work in progress that our Lord never tires of...His hands love to be stained with the ink of writing our life story, He joys in the dirt under His nails from forming our mass of clay and He never grows weary from leaning over the refining fire and removing our corrupt particles. We are His precious ones... worth more than gold, treasured more than things and precious in His sight! He sacrificed His life for us and wrote the story of his extravagant love in His own blood! No matter what time, day or angle you look at that truth through...that is one thing that will never change!


Isaiah 29:15,16  Woe to those who go to great depths to hide their plans from the Lord, who do their work in darkness and think, "Who sees us? Who will know?" You turn things upside down, as if the Potter were thought to be like the clay! Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, "He did not make me"? Can the pot say of the potter, "He knows nothing"?

Isaiah 45:5,6  I am the Lord, there is no other; Apart from Me there is no God. I will strengthen you, though you have not acknowledged me, so that from the rising of the sun to the place of it's setting, men may know that there is none besides Me. I am the Lord and there is no other.

Isaiah 64:8  Yet, O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand!

Jeremiah 18:6b  Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, says the Lord.

Phillipians 1:6  Be confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it until the day of Jesus Christ!

Blind Sided

Edvard Munch's, The Scream.

In all of my past posts I've shared the wisdom that God has shared with me about how to handle certain situations when they present themselves. Hearing those commentaries only makes them theory but taking that wisdom and using it makes it application! I learned a lot these past few days about exactly that and God made it crystal clear to me that just knowing something does nothing to prepare you or sustain you when a storm is coming! Yet, applying wisdom and knowledge is like having "the key" to the root cellar and the tool shed and all of the provisions you will need to sustain yourself are at your disposal!

A small storm hit my life about four days ago and with all the knowledge I have about surviving difficult times...I curled up in a ball and just cried! It blind sided me and felt like a board hit me behind the knees, I just went down like a sky diver without a shoot! We have a weather situation here in Southern California called the Santa Ana winds and when they come they bring various side effects with them! I've heard these winds talked about in other countries and when their word for them is translated, it means devil winds. One of the horrible effects of the winds is that you get symptoms before they actual start blowing. It feels as though you are slowly being sucked dry of all moisture in your brain and body and it causes a physical reaction of fear. What happens is the ions in the air change their charge from negative to positive (negative ions make you feel great whereas positive ions cause the opposite) and a sixth sense manifests itself with a myriad of side effects from feeling disoriented to a heightened sense of aggravation and even extreme anxiety. Statistics show that crime rates rise and domestic disturbances are more common during this time.

I came home Saturday after being out half the day and my body was feeling out of sorts. My mind kept sending me warnings to get home because I was feeling worse by the second. By the time I arrived back home I had only one objective and that was get in bed! My entire body was seizing up in pain and it was happening so fast that my mind couldn't comprehend it fast enough. I curled up in a ball as my body felt as if it was loosing all control and I remained that way for three days! Everything that I talk about in my blog posts about surviving was out the window and I felt like I was holding on for dear life as my mind and body spiraled out of control! I felt gripped by fear and any survival techniques were just a faint memory as I struggled to just keep my head above water. It was if I was drowning but there was no water.

Not everyone gets affected this way but many people do. The winds can cause symptoms as small as a headache to severe allergies to a strong physical and neurological reaction! I am severely affected by this wind condition, from extreme pain to being so tired that I don't even remember days at a time! Being home with no car and feeling isolated and alone didn't help my circumstances, since the simple fact of knowing you are not alone with a scary scenario can be a great comfort. All my fears rose their ugly heads and I felt overwhelmed and terrified, I was too weak to take any of them on. I felt so disconnected that even my normal line of communication to God was down! Everything that I knew as normal was gone and I felt exposed and vulnerable.

I know I sound hyper-sensitive and dramatic but this is how I felt and this is what I write about. To take all that I've said so far is to merely say that I had an extreme reaction to a situation and it caused anxiety on top of it. It's really that simple, but anyone who knows physical maladies or anxiety can attest to the fact that those topics can be written about in great length and depth. I always get a mental picture of Munch's painting entitled, The Scream, where Edvard Munch, the Norwegian artist from the turn of the century, painted from memory a scene where he later describes...."I was out walking with two friends, the sun began to set, suddenly the sky turned blood-red, I paused, feeling exhausted, and leaned on a fence, there was blood and tongues of fire above the blue-black fjord of the city, my friends walked on, and there I still stood, trembling with fear, and I sensed an endless scream passing through Nature." Anxiety brought on by fear, whether conscious or unconscious, is very common and has been since the beginning of time. Another quote, this  from the philosopher Soren Kierkegaard (early 1800's)...."My soul is so heavy that no thought can uplift it anymore, nor any wingbeat bear it aloft into the ether. If anything moves at all, it merely grazes the ground, like a bird flying low before a storm. Oppressiveness and anxiety are brooding over my inner being, sensing an earthquake to come."

Munch and Kierkegaard both experienced severe anxiety, while Munch expressed his fear through his painting, Kierkegaard chose the written word, which was his venue of expression. Albeit, I'm grateful to those who had the courage to document this all to common malady. It takes honesty and exposure to ones own soul to lay out before your fellow man your greatest fears, and yet by doing it you bring humanness to yourself and freedom to others through transparency. Being blind sided is a reminder of our weaknesses and vulnerabilities and in retrospect can be used as a real tool for comforting others. I learned from this recent experience that there are circumstances that can peel us to our emotional nakedness and trigger a domino effect of cascading fears that can threaten to bury us alive! Feeling out of sorts will always be leerking around the corner, but don't keep these times of vulnerability too secret because there are people out there that need to know that you aren't invincible and that you can be a safe place for them to fall when they're frightened.

There is no such thing as normal, only nice moments and times, mixed in with challenging events. Did the devil winds blow me away? No, I'm still here, God got me through and there will be more ups and downs to come. One great comfort that I thank God for was a phone call from a friend today, she called to catch me up on what a horrible four days she just had! As she described all the same things that I just did, it brought me great comfort and a settled feeling that I wasn't alone. I was so grateful that she opened up and shared her deepest anxieties and fears with me! We both agreed with each other and made the other one feel "not crazy" by being honest with our feelings and fears. Right now the winds are ripping through our neighborhood, tearing down trees, knocking over trash cans and blowing them down the street...I even saw a patio umbrella go by...but I'm still standing...simply because God still wants me here. Maybe I was unable to save myself, but isn't that the point.....to finally come to a point in your life where you realize that there is Someone (God) that is bigger than you! God is never out of control and He has to remind us of that every so often! So, as long as He keeps getting me through, I'll keep writing, and maybe someday one hundred years from now, someone will read this blog post and think to themselves as I did with Munch..."Wow! They had anxiety way back then too!? I don't feel so alone anymore."

Psalm 91:4-6  He will cover you with His wings. And under His wings you will be safe. He is faithful like a safe-covering and a strong wall. You will not be afraid of trouble at night, or of the arrow that flies by day. You will not be afraid of the sickness that walks by darkness, or of the trouble that destroys by noon.

Psalm 27:1-3  The Lord is my light and the One who saves me. Whom should I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life. Of whom should I be afraid? Even if an army gathers against me, my heart will not be afraid. Even if war rises against me, I will be sure of You, oh Lord!

Even the slightest whisper of God's love in your heart can keep the enemy retreating.

Psalm 37:39  But the saving of those who are right with God is from the Lord. He is their strength in times of trouble.

Nahum 1:7 The Lord is good, a safe place in times of trouble. And He knows those who come to Him to be safe.

Psalm 73:26  My body and my heart may grow weak, but God is the strength of my heart and all I need forever!