Yes He Is, "I am"!

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart! Psalm 37:4

If God can do this in the sky...think what He would
love to do in your heart! 

God is so good! I have this habit of setting a problem aside and just leaving it for God to take care of. I just put it out of my  mind till the Holy Spirit leads me to address it or I just leave it unattended till God takes care of it. I wasn't always like this but after years of having tantrums about things not working out the way I thought they should or when I thought they should have, I learned to just calm down and trust God. I've also lived by some words that my dad taught me, "It never hurts to ask." As the years have come and gone I can't tell you how many times I've used that saying! Whether it be having to return something or to acquire something, those words have brought me countless blessings! I just ask and then I give it to God to work it out. I can see God in my blessings and by trusting Him and waiting for Him, I haven't just received material blessings but also the blessings of patience, long-suffering, joy, peace....God doesn't just do one thing, He weaves together a story for each of our lives out of our circumstances! God is so good! Yes, He is!

We bought this solar panel and battery unit (you've probably seen it advertised on t.v.) and my husband just loved it! He messed around with it, doing all the testing times and recharging it in the sun, keeping a record of it's performance. One day he went to charge somethings and the readings on the battery were all weird. He called the company but they said that the battery was fried! It was only one month after the warranty expired! He was so upset that he just wouldn't deal with the issue because it was too unnerving. Months went by and he kept complaining about it every time he saw the commercials on t.v. so I told him to give me the paperwork and I would try to get it replaced. I called the company and it took a couple months but after speaking to a few people they agreed to replace both units! Then, I discovered that while it was on the garage floor, the dog chewed the cord! Oh, they'll never replace it now, I thought! Yet, I just kept praying to God and telling Him that I knew He could work it out, and if it was His will, I would love to have the problem resolved. God worked in the hearts of those people and even though the dog exacerbated the problem, God gave my husband and I one of the desires of our hearts that we trusted Him for! God is so good! Yes, He is!

Today I was sitting here blogging and my cell phone beeped with a message from a friend. She was my old neighbor and I had bought an air purifier from her 3-4 years ago. It was one of those ozone ones that cost about $800.! I used it all the time because of my allergies and it worked great! The air in our home was always clean and it smelled so fresh! About 2 years ago the unit started going on then off, then on again continuously and the sound kept us awake so we just turned it off. I would use it during the day sometimes then the bulb inside it that disinfected the air blew so I just turned it off and never used it again. Everyday I would look at this unit and say, "God, I never sent in the warranty and I don't think there's anything I can do, but I'm going to text her, because it doesn't hurt to ask, and tell her that the unit doesn't work anymore and leave it at that. If you want to move in her heart to replace it then do your thing and I'll wait." Well, today about 1 year later, she sent me a message and it read, "If you want to bring your broken unit to me, I'll give you a new one free, just let me know." I called her and I'm going to get my new unit this weekend! God gave me one of the desires of my heart that I trusted Him with! God is so good! Yes, He is!

Through the years God has come through in His timing not mine, and blessed me with unimaginable answers to simple and complicated prayers! If we just calm down and trust Him, leaving matters in His hands, He will work everything out for good! The issues of life always seem to be separate to us and they mount up to a point where they seem overwhelming. That isn't how God works, He doesn't see our situations as separate but as a whole! Somewhat like a quilt, or a car engine that when taken apart seems like just pieces of metal or rags but when put together they can be functional and beautiful! Any one who has rebuilt a car, made a quilt.....will know exactly what I mean! Don't think that God has forgotten you if you don't see just one of your problems fixed. He is putting together something grander and more intricate than you could ever imagine! God is so good! Yes, He is!

He used me in other peoples lives every time I had a problem, such as the time my tire went flat on my car years ago and I had the opportunity to share God with an inquisitive tow truck driver or the time we needed a painter and he started asking me about God and I got to share with him the gift of pardon through Jesus Christ, then just a week later he died unexpectedly. I also had a contractor come out to give me an estimate and he ended up staying and talking about God and the bible for 3 hours! He called me 2 weeks later and said that he, his wife and family gave their lives to God! Every detour, every problem is an opportunity for God to be glorified and for Him to reveal His love in our lives! I know that I've said this before but try to see all your situations happening in the palm of God's hand. We need to step back and KNOW THAT HE IS GOD! That's why I love the bible so much, there are countless examples of God's grace, love and blessings that come out of trials! The problem is that most people try to do their lives by themselves and we weren't meant to! We were meant to trust God, and that way we can enjoy life rather than spend it in frustration and worry. He is the great "I AM"! Ask Him what the answer to your problem is and He will tell you, "I am". God is good. Yes, He is!

Moses asked God, "Who shall I tell them sent me?" Tell them "I AM" sent you.

I am the Lord. I am with you always. I am the Son of man.

I am your shield, I am your great reward. I am God Almighty. I am, who I am.  I am God. I am with you. I am the bread of life. I am God’s Son. I am the light of the world. I am the gate for the sheep. I am the Good Shepard. I am the resurrection and the life. I am in the Father and the Father is in me. I am the true vine. I am the Alpha and Omega. I am the beginning and the end. I am the first and the last. I am alive forever and ever. I am the root and offspring of David. I am the bright morning star. I am the way the truth and the life. I am coming soon. I am Jesus. Who do you say I am? (Matthew 15:16)

Papa Ben

Me and my Dad

Proverbs 11-2b...With humility comes wisdom.

My dad was a firm believer in preventative maintenance and preparedness! He never waited till the last minute to do something but he was conscience every day of what he had to do to keep ahead of things, so he didn't have bigger problems in the future. He loved to say, "Why put off till tomorrow what you can do today!" We all hated that as kids because we had to do all this stuff that we would rather put off so we could go have fun instead. I remember my first car and my dad told me over and over again, "Take care of her and she'll take care of you and be sure to check the oil and have it changed every 3000 miles." Blah, blah, blah I thought, as I continued to put it off and then one day, boom! My block cracked and my car wouldn't run anymore! Unfortunately, I have several of those stories because I chose foolishness over wisdom for most of my youth. But, after so many screw ups, I chose to begin to be like my dad and so did my sisters and my brother. My dad's steady wisdom and consistent behavior made him a great role model for all of us growing up. It was seriously like having an adorable, funny, poetic, wise, man's man, tough-guy, modest yet charming, committed dad! You know the kind of guy that woman love because their own husbands are such knuckle heads! My dad was special  and I married a man just like him!

Mom and Dad

After my mom's stroke, when I was 5 years old, my sisters were 15 and 14 and my brother 12, we were raised solely by my dad. He never remarried or even dated, he just did what he had to do and was always there for us. He never hit us or spanked us but he would sit us down to tell us things like, "Don't ever destroy or damage someone else's property. It's okay to have fun but remember that people work hard all week and they don't need to be cleaning up after youthful pranks." or "I taught you right from wrong so now I expect you to make the right choices." And the one he did all the time that I truly believe shaped all of us kids to turn out to be God fearing, people respecting, good citizens was, "I'm disappointed by your choice." Arg, that one really made us think about what we did and it shaped how we did things in the future. He taught us to stay on top of things and not to let material or relational things fall apart, but to keep them maintained. He said to have balance in all aspects of our lives, ie: mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually so that one area wouldn't have to suffer because another area was slacking off.

The Old Farm House
as seen today.

My dad was born in 1909 on a small farm in upstate N.Y., he had 12 brother's and sister's, one of which died as a baby, Dorothy, (I'm named after her). My granny was just a itty-bitty thing from England and Pa was an architect from Canada, a tough guy who didn't have a problem pushing Ma around or intimidating the kids. I don't know all the details of my dad's life but there are bits and pieces that when put together form a picture. He told me a few stories about the cold winters on the farm and how him and all his brother's would run out to the barn in the early morning in their long-johns to get dressed among the cows! He said, the cow's breath and body heat made the barn warmer than the stove could make the house! He told me stories about how he used to box bare-fisted for money and how he thought he looked a little like James Cagney with his hat tipped to the side, a spiffy suit and his crooked smile. I know he was married to night club singer before he was married to my mom and that He was going to be a doctor until Pa got out of hand and my dad had to leave school to go get the situation under control and take care of Ma and the family.

My father's father...Pa

My dad's mother...Ma

My dad worked hard for us and he stayed at a moderate job his whole life because he was just that kind of guy who did the right thing. One time we flew him out to California for a visit and that's when I saw another side of him. Actually, not another side of him but the inside of him. We all went to the set of a movie that my brother in law was working on which starred Tony Curtis, Roscoe Lee Brown and that lady who played "Lovey" (Mr. Howell's wife) on Gilligan's Island. There was this scene where they had to open this safe but the safe wouldn't open! The director, producer and the actors were all in a tizzy about what to do, then my brother in law suggested that my dad could probably open it! The director came over and asked my dad if that was a possibility, so they wouldn't lose a day of production, and my dad replied, "Sure, I can open it and I can fix it so you'll only have to pretend to open it rather than actually unlock it." So the director took him over onto the set and my dad saved the day! Tony Curtis, all the other actors, the director and crew all came up to Ben (my dad) and were thanking him and making him feel like a hero! Later that day I was sitting out in the car, my dad was in the front seat and I was behind him, he was staring out the window and there were tears coming down his face. I said, "What's wrong?" and he simple said, "I didn't realize how much life was out here." I knew exactly what he meant, how his world after he had to go back to the farm, due to his father's irresponsibility, was so confined. He had to take care of his mother, brothers and sisters and then after my mom died he did the right thing and raised us kids. He never got to become a doctor or any other things that were probably in his heart. His life was defined by being a son and a dad.

My dad (Benjamin), Aunt Mary
and his sister Gladys on
Granny's porch, 1917

It wasn't until he turned 72 years old that my dad invited Jesus into his heart and I know that gave him new insights that were of great comfort to him. Sometimes we look at our own lives or the lives of others and wonder if somehow mistakes happened that weren't supposed to or choices were made that were wrong. It was through my father's life that I was able to see God's hand of grace involved in lives all around me, including my own!. Dad taught me that through detours, disappointments and broken lives, God turns us from self-seekers to people-healers. He taught me kindness, empathy and compassion by the way he acted, felt and served. After inviting Christ into his life he was no longer just a great guy but a Godly man who began to see that his life had purpose and meaning far beyond any regrets he had if any. He shared his faith, he felt deeply for others and he ended up with a life full of children, grand-children and God's love. He loved us and his tender heart did some things that made him so special, like when he put his arms around his three daughters in front of the Christmas tree one year, bowed his head and sang Silent Night to us. Mine and my sister's tears made a puddle in the center of our hug circle on the hard wood floor that reflected the trees lights and gave the moment a magical glow. His life could have taken a completely different turn back when he was a young man but that wasn't God's plan. My dad was chosen to not be a doctor or be married to a night club singer or to try to live his life as a tough guy, no, my dad was chosen to be my mother's husband and our father. He was humble, and dedicated to his responsibilities, and by doing that he was a man who was blessed throughout his life.

We left the studio and later that afternoon we headed for Gladstone's Restaurant. Before we went to have dinner we all went down to the beach and everyone was talking and mingling when I noticed my dad taking off his shoes and socks. With his toes in the sand he rolled up his pants and walked toward the water. A wave came up and rushed over his bare feet as he stood there watching the ebb and flow of this ocean that was stirring his senses and memories. I'm sure he was thinking too, about all that was out there in the world that he never got to see. His face turned toward the sunset as we all stood watching, he looked like a statue of a wise man who had committed himself to a specific course in life and followed it, yet he also looked like a young man, who saw dreams just over the horizon. I will never know what my father's thoughts were as he stood there on that California beach during the twilight hour, but I do know that until the day he died, he was committed not only to us, but to our children as well, who called him Papa Ben and loved him as much as we did.

*Ben coming out of our back forest.
*One of his wise quotes.
*A cute note he sent me :)

We finally went up the hill to go have dinner and decided to sit outside on the patio. That night my dad was in rare form, as if he saw something bigger than the small world that he had been living in. He was telling stories and jokes, making the waitress laugh and engaging those around us in conversation and chuckles. My dad's personality was not like that at all but we loved seeing this man who "had to do" life for such a long time, just enjoying himself and feeling relaxed. We also found out that the waitress wasn't serving him ice tea's but Long Island ice tea's!

GOD HAS A PLAN FOR OUR LIVES AND THAT PLAN IS SO AMAZING! IT TOOK A MAN LIKE MY FATHER, WHO FOUGHT AS A BARE-FISTED BOXER TO A GENTLE MAN WHO HELD HIS CHILDREN AND GRAND-CHILDREN IN THOSE SAME HANDS MANY YEARS LATER. AS MY DAD WOULD SAY, GOD CAN DO ANYTHING, IF YOU LET HIM.

Dad,
Much of who we are is because of you. We all turned out good because you were a good dad. We know how much you loved
Jesus, so we'll see you when we get there! Kiss mom for us. We miss you a lot!

Spiritual Etiquette

Is there such a thing as spiritual etiquette? My definition would be, "The absence of complaints and the presence of love." Is it possible to be like that? I don't think completely but it's certainly something we can all strive for. Being composed with a more mature spirit is a pleasing quality that hurting people like to be around. I'm a fixer and my first instinct when someone was hurting was to fix it. Not like a guy does, where he is usually trying to get you distracted from the problem because he is feeling so helpless. I would try to get people to go through the grieving process like a sprint or try to get them to learn through my own lessons from life. Until one day when I saw a pattern in life and everyone who tried those same tactics on me was making me very upset. I would say, "Healing is a process, and it takes time. I hate when people try to fix me! I just want them to love me through this." That's when I realized that no one likes to be fixed! People want to be heard and comforted, and even encouraged at a certain point, when they're ready.

The other thing I used to do was interrupt them so I could tell them one of my stories and they would know that I understand. That's another thing I disliked that people did to me when I was suffering. I wanted them to listen to me, let me cry, hug me then listen more. I didn't realize what I was doing to people until I went through a period of self-examination and even asked friends to be candid with me about some of my behavior. I read a book entitled, Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World (info on right side-bar under Book Suggestions) and that book really spoke to me about having a teachable heart. I learned that if I began to listen without being offended, then I could take that corrective criticism to the Lord and ask the Holy Spirit to examine my heart and help me correct it. It's NOT any one's job to fix someone else, but if someone asks for wisdom, give it through love and then pray for the person to be healed by the Holy Spirit. I repeat, our job is not to fix anyone! Our job as Christian brothers or sisters is to simply bring a person who asks for help, into the presence of the Lord, first through prayer, then wise counsel through love.

I remember years ago asking God to build the character of gentleness in me. He didn't throw a big text book down  from heaven at me and expect me to pass a test regarding theory and application by the following Monday. No, He heard my prayer and from that moment on, His Holy Spirit became my highlighter in life! As opportunities arose I was taught and led by God until the fruit of gentleness began to grow in my character. It's the same with patience, each inconvenience and struggle became an opportunity for me to exercise my muscle of patience. If I dropped something and it rolled to a difficult place to reach, the old me would have had a conniption! Now, (more often than not), I sing this little song I wrote as I struggle to retrieve it..."Patience is a virtue that I long to have..." and I just do what I have to do and I don't freak out about every little thing. I used to be my own worst enemy and my spiritual immaturity not only hurt me but it hurt those who had to be around me. My impatience and temper was scary to be around and it was selfish of me to impose my frantic mood on others. I've had to ask many people to forgive me, but that also gave me an opportunity to share with them what God has done in my life!

It's not so funny how we act so pleasant around neighbors, pastors, priests, friends...but we exercise little or no self-control around the ones we love the most. I think its true that we hurt the ones we love, and I think we do it because we know that they will love us anyway. Isn't that more reason to be kind to them. Jesus said, Whatever you do unto the least of my brethren, you have done it unto me." Matthew 25:40. I think that goes for acts of selfishness or cruelty as well as acts of love. We should all work at seeing the Jesus in everyone, using a spiritual etiquette that is worthy of the high calling of being children of the King. We should also practice doing unto others as we would have them do unto us! If we pray for a teachable heart, God will build it up in us, and the lessons of love will make us more Christ-like. Don't wait for others to change, change yourself first and you'll begin to see them respond. Who wants to be near a porcupine?

Galatians chapter 5, verses 22,23a, is where we are told the Fruits of the Spirit.... Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. I remember doing a bible study one morning with my friend Kat and my son Brandon. We each took turns naming each fruit and giving an example from our life of how we either used it or didn't. I  recall how each of us was so effected by that exercise, because it brought to the forefront of our minds the profound effect of our choices. The times we chose to show one of God's fruit, we felt good, yet when we chose to not use kindness, gentleness, self-control and so on, we felt bad. Take time to memorize all the fruits, make little note cards and put them on the bathroom mirror and on your dashboard in the car. Teach them to your children so they can begin to know the character of God and what he wants them to be like. When our grand-children stayed with us, I put cards with all the names of the fruits on them up on the wall. Every time there was an issue, I would take them to the wall and ask them if that behavior was a fruit of God. It was a wonderful teachable moment for all of us. Start looking at all the situations of your life and how you could use certain fruits in them.These fruits build spiritual etiquette, and people will want to know what's different about you. That's when you can share with them about the goodness of God :)  

Things do not change, we change. Henry David Thoreau

Packing for the Journey

Rejoice with those who rejoice, mourn with those who mourn.

We all carry something and what that something is determines who we are and whether we will be joyful or overwhelmed. Carrying the experiences of your life is not the overwhelming part but it's the emotions that are attached to those experiences! Imagine you're loading a back pack for a long trip and you want to bring all the experiences of your life with you so you can share them with people along your journey and also use them to empathize with those people. What would be easier, to write each trial and lesson on a small piece of paper and carry it or to write each one on a brick?  The paper represents your stories and the bricks are the actual emotions attached to those stories. Each brick is an emotion such as anger, bitterness, shame, pride, unbelief, fear, resentment....You would not be able to carry all those bricks in your backpack, you would breakdown at some point, be weak and ineffective, you would feel irritable and soon your health would deteriorate and your soul would suffer. We were not created to carry the past and its pain or the future and it's worries! God created us to lay our burdens on Him and for us to travel our journey with only our stories.

If we carried all the emotions attached to our stories in our backpack we could never be the bearers of good news, taking God's message of freedom to others. Are you carrying a heavy load? Are you bringing all the bad feelings that accompany your life's story with you as you try to show others about God's healing and freedom? He wants you to stop right now and go through your backpack with Him, removing each brick of painful emotions and as you tell Him each story He will record it on a small piece of paper. Each brick will be replaced with that lighter load so you'll be able to carry them. Sure, a backpack full of paper will be cumbersome and annoying at times but that is our cross. Christ carried the heavy cross of our sins at Calvary and His desire for us is not to carry our own burdens, only our stories, about His forgiveness, mercy, grace and love! We are to carry the stories not the burdens of bricks.

After you sit with Jesus and do this with every painful experience of your life, your load will become lighter and your story will be one of deliverance! The Holy Spirit will guide you through this whole process by bringing memories to the front of your mind, revealing them so He can heal them. It's takes time but each step will profoundly change you! Rather than being hunched over with a backpack of bricks, you'll begin to stand up straight and people will begin to see Christ in your life rather than your old complaining character of victim-hood and self-pity! I'm not the same person I used to be and that's because my journey of doing this process with God has finally brought me to a point of epiphany! I can see the power of Jesus in all my circumstances now, and the times I do fall back into self-pity are less and less severe because the time I've spend with Him has made me wiser. God's loving pressure in my life is turning my lumps of coal in to diamonds!

You can't run away from your own shadow in this lifetime and none of us is perfect. We will never be sinless but we will sin less, and our stories can transform us if we will finally hand over the painful emotions and trust them in our Heavenly Father's hands. The events of my life knocked the joy out of my soul for a long time. Everyone saw the vibrant, funny me but inside I was silently screaming from a dark pit of panic. I saw only me but now I see Jesus in it with me! I was talking with my nephew the other day about inner fear and I told him that everyone has it and each person just covers it with something different. Some people use anger to push people away so that they never have to show their vulnerability. Others use quietness, humor, silence, jabbering or they might even isolate themselves from others. All these things are what satan uses to keep us from God's tender love. Whether we are weighted down by our bricks, bound by vines of lies or live a life of freedom in Christ, it's all a result of choices we make moment by moment, day after day. Choose wisely dear ones because there are people out there that need you.

1 Peter 4:8...Love covers a multitude of sins.

Clean the Closet?

In our relationship with God we can choose several ways to try and avoid Him. There's tip toeing around, trying to hide our shame or guilt, pretending that if we don't look at Him then He won't notice us. Or we live a tepid Christian life that just does the minimum and it's enough to make us feel good about ourselves. Then there's busyness, where we stay so busy that, "There just isn't time right now Lord, for me to stop and discuss this!" and we hope He forgets about it. I played these games for years and all it did was make me feel awful and I missed out on living a guilt and shame free life! When we finally figure out how much God loves us, and that He knows everything anyway, whether we tell Him or not, that's when we can exhale and start breathing again!

We can talk to God about everything, no matter how ugly, dark or repulsive it may be. He already knows about it and He wants you to be set free. He died on the cross for you, and the exact same sin that you're worrying about right now, has already been nailed to the cross and forgiven. The processes we have to go through here on earth to heal from our sins and its affects is for our benefit. His love and forgiveness is unlimited as long as we accept Him and His gift of pardon on the cross! He always responds to our human failures with love, compassion and discipline. Yes, I said discipline, but don't let that scare you because discipline is not punishment! It is a lesson of love that He uses to teach us, just like we teach our children to not touch fire again. We will actually come to love those lessons because they draw us nearer to His heart and His deep ocean of love. We won't be afraid to come to Him with everything after experiencing that unconditional love. Judgement and condemnation is not how God deals with His children because of Christ's sacrifice on the cross. In John 12:47 Christ tells us that, He did not come into the world to judge us but to save us!

Jesus is our safe place! He doesn't want you to be afraid of Him, He wants you to run to Him, grab on to Him and feel free to release anything that is holding you in bondage. Picture yourself as a child and leap onto His lap, wrap your arms around His neck and find peace there. If you were to describe a perfect friend, He is that friend! He will listen to you, empathize with you and teach you how to live a life of freedom. His compassion and mercies never run out because He loves you unconditionally. Do you have a hard time grasping the idea of hugging God or looking into His eyes when He isn't actually physically there? So did his disciples, but Jesus told them that He would have to leave them and go back to heaven but that His Father was going to send a helper. He told them, (John 15:5-15) that He would no longer be beside them but that the Holy Spirit would come and be inside them! The Holy Spirit can't be summed up but once you invite Jesus into your heart and His Spirit comes to reside in you, there's nothing else like it! He will guide you, comfort you, teach you and get you through everything!

Our Savior came to set the sinners free not imprison them. He didn't come to hang out with the chief priests and the people who appeared perfect. No, He came to ordinary men and woman who knew they needed a Savior. He came to the sick, the poor, the broken, the hurting and the lost. He came to heal, love, save, comfort and redeem! We all can be free if we confess, receive and believe in the God who left His Holy position in heaven, took on human flesh and dwelt among us! We all have a free will and we can choose to accept Him as our Savior or we can go and live our lives our own way. He will never force His love upon us because that's what free will is...He wants us to choose to love Him!

Let's assume you're going to accept Him into your heart and life. What about having to change, that's scary! We all have dark closets that we don't want anyone poking around in. We've all done this...when we have company or a party at our house we stuff things into the closets to make the residence appear all together and tidy. We only want people to see the perfect us and would be appalled if someone intruded by opening a closet door that we had designated as off limits. Jesus will never open that door without your permission and if you do allow Him in...He won't be shocked because He already knows what's in there. It's us that have all the hang ups, not Him! The longer we ignore that closet and keep Him out of it, the worse that closet becomes. Dark closets begin to mold and mildew, they get spiders, mice, germs, dust, cobwebs and the vermin will even nest! The floorboards and walls will begin to deteriorate and most of the good items in there will become ruined along with the junk. Ever watch Hoarders? Do you have a dark closet in your heart? Invite Jesus in and He will be with you every step of the way.

It's human nature that the worse a problem gets, the more we avoid it! We put off opening up those closets because it all seems to daunting to deal with. Let me tell you something about closets, whether they be in our home, mind or hearts...you have to make a big mess before you can get it orderly! You have to first have the courage to open it, then you have to start pulling things out and making piles, ie: one for the thrift store, one is for garbage, one is to clean and keep and maybe one pile for things you have to return to people and so on it goes. I happen to be one of those people that loves to clean things out and have order but most people are not like that! They hate the thought of doing it and especially having to do it alone ! Satan will even get involved and start whispering in our ear, things like, "Ah, leave it in there, you don't have to deal with it, it's not bothering anybody." or "You're sick, tired and afraid already, why make things worse!" or "If anyone were to find out about your sin that you're hiding, just think how humiliated you would feel!" and the lies go on and on....

These are some truths that dispel the lies...#1: Opening the closet and confessing is not the scary part! It's the fear, guilt and shame you feel by hiding it. I opened a dark closet in my mind and I invited Jesus in to help me with the clean-up and it wasn't bad at all. I'm not saying that the process wasn't very difficult, I'm just saying that it wasn't what the enemy was making it out to be at all! There was love there, not condemnation. The worse part was all the anxiety and panic that I felt prior to doing it, and thinking that He would be ashamed of me and punish me. But none of that happened, all He did was sit with me and help me through it all. It was wonderful and I hope whoever is reading this will dismiss the lies in their head and just get to it, so you can begin to have freedom and live again!

#2: As you pull each thing out of the dark closet you will have to make decisions like, "Do I keep this wound and allow it to be healed so I can cherish the scar as a reminder of my victory over it?" or maybe you'll pull something out that really belongs to someone else, like a hurt, an offence or a pain that someone else caused, but you've been holding on to it. "Is it time to let go?" You may come across something that you just need to hand over to Jesus and ask Him to fix it because you've never been able to do it on your own. Some things simply get thrown out, some may be things that remind you that you need to apologize to someone or forgive someone that hurt you deeply so that you don't have to carry that "ugly" in you anymore. There will be things that we need to face and take responsibility for and other things we need to clean up and preserve as reminders. Tears, sorrow, anger, bitterness, shame, guilt, resentments....they will all be in there and each one Jesus will be there to lovingly help you sort through, giving you new courage and healing your wounds.

#3: Your life will be so different after you do this! You're going to ask yourself, "Why didn't I do this sooner!" Once the closet is cleaned of the contents, the mold and cobwebs have been cleaned up, you've aired it out, finished any repairs and repainted, it's time to put a new light bulb in! That light is Jesus and His light is eternal and purifying! At this point it's up to you what you want to put back into the closet and if your going to keep His light burning in there. (Please read Matthew 13:1-23!) about the Parable of the Four Soils.) Some of us choose to go on with the Lord, letting Him love us and heal us, whereas, others choose to go back to the darkness. They will believe the lies from the enemy and their sweet memories of their time with Jesus will fade because they won't read their bible, go to church or have fellowship with other Christians. They'll  paint their closet black again and put junk back in there like before. But for those who choose abundant life they fill their new closet with the good things from God such as, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22,23). The imprisonment they used to live in has been transformed forever to a place of freedom! Their mind, heart and souls are now open and full of light and God is welcome there anytime!

Isaiah 61:1-3, (Prophesy about our Messiah Jesus), The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good new to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God (justice), to comfort all who mourn, and to provide for those who grieve, to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor.

Heart Prints

It's been a couple weeks now since my fabulously incredible weekend with my sister and girlfriend. It's taken me this long to finish this post :) My sis showed up Friday early afternoon which was nice because she thought she was going to get here later. My hubby left for a weekend in the mountains with his friend so he suggested I have a girls weekend. He stocked the house with goodies and I planned a weekend of food, fun and friendship.

I was ready when my sis arrived so we decided to go to World Market to get a bottle of wine. We ended up in there for hours just looking and touching all the unique textiles, candles, foods. I wanted her to experience it  because it's been such a long time since she's had a break from her insanely busy life. We ended up by the wines and by that time I had to go up front and get a cart because we couldn't resist most of the delectable treats in the food section! I had a limited resource of money so we picked out the cheapest but prettiest bottle of wine (which I write about on my other blog: DeeVineWine.blogspot.com). We had a beautiful time and my favorite part is making the cashier laugh and feel good! After we left there we made a couple quick stops there at the Esplanade making all the cashiers laugh as we checked out and then she dropped it on me...my sister wanted to go to Walmart! After spending a few hours in stores that had classical, international and nature music, I couldn't believe we were going to go to, what I like to call, the three ring circus of Hades!

My sis said it would only take a minute, (NOT), and for the millionth time I actually believed it. True to our warped sense of reality we went there thinking it was really going to be an in and out experience. Over TWO HOURS later and of course a trip to the front to get the cart that we were so convinced we weren't going to need, there we were...surrounded and crowded by hoards of people. It's truly an ant farm experience that I think only ants could survive! We even carried 100 times our weight in purchases, (ant's do that you know), due to my sister's brain mantra of, "Oooo, I forgot I need that!"! We did have an adorable check-out person though, and she made us laugh and feel good because she was a lovely lady with a great big heart.

Although we were thoroughly mentally and physically exhausted I remembered we had to go to the grocery store for a few things. I seriously did not think that my body could do it but I switched my shoes to crocks and prayed for strength. As we walked in, there was a Starbucks and this big poster of a lime-aid cold drink. You know the kind with the beads of crystal water droplets dripping down the side of a clear glass with the tinkling ice cubes surrounded by icy liquid. We had to have it and the girl working behind the counter was an angel. We got her laughing with our delirious comments and she in turn made us laugh. She even shook the mixture in the ice extra long so it would be even colder! We were so dehydrated and tired that it literally took about three sips and we were down to air. That sweet angel could tell we were spent, so as she kept us talking she made us samples of the other flavor and then just refilled both our empty glasses again and said enjoy! All I could think about was when Jesus said in Matthew 10:42, "And if anyone gives even a cold cup of water to one of these little ones because he is my disciple, I tell you the truth, he certainly will not lose his reward (in heaven). God bless her.

   We finally got home, opened the house up, put the ceiling fans on, drank a big glass of water each and sat down for a bit to rest our feet. I was excited about making dinner so I poured us a glass of wine, put on some nice music then made whole wheat angel hair pasta with sauteed baby carrots in butter, tiny sweet tomatoes sliced in half soaked in extra virgin olive oil with basil, sea-salt and a pinch of thyme along with shredded roasted herb chicken all mixed together with asiago cheese! Ahhhhhh.We had a nice night and spent the next two days just relaxing and enjoying life!

Sunday morning my sister and I went to see Nick Vujicic, from Life without Limbs ministry at my neighbors church. He was born without arms or legs but that doesn't stop him! He ministers all over the world telling people about the good news of Jesus Christ! His sense of humor and profound analogies make him amazing to listen to! After we left, we couldn't help but allow his words to affect our thoughts and actions as we went about our day. Check him out on Utube!

As I look back on my weekend, what stands out the most to me is how our voices and actions can influence and touch other human beings is such deep ways. From the check-out lady (Paula) at Walmart, to Nick, the man with no limbs, I was touched and changed from them and everyone in between! I know also, that I touched lives and I love that God uses me no matter what shape I'm in.  From a simple smile, making someone laugh, listening, reaching out, being an example.....leave a heart-print somewhere....and start collecting them too!

Crushed But Not Broken

"The best things in life come from the result of being wounded. Wheat must be crushed before becoming bread, incense must be burned by fire before it's fragrance is set free. The earth must be broken with a sharp plow before being ready to receive the seed." Frederick William Robertson.

It is a broken heart that God can use. I always say that the deeper the puncture, the deeper God fills us with all his goodness, if we let Him. A rose must be crushed to get the sweet fragrance, herbs must be crushed for us to receive the vibrant aroma and grapes must be crushed to bring forth wine. I am amazed every time I go to my garden to pick tomatoes at how my hands take on the robust smell of the fruit just by breaking the stem. The vine offers its brokenness to me as a sacrifice, I raise my hands up to my face, breath it in and wonder in amazement at the fresh scent that only something given to us by God could produce! As it is the same to be broken in life, we emit the love and grace of God, our True Vine, if we choose to let the brokenness make us better, rather than bitter.

Phillip Doddridge wrote, "Oh, that we would maintain our spiritual composure under the darkest of circumstances; and that in the midst of everything, we would delight ourselves with a sacred joy in God and have cheerful expectations of Him!

We can have crushing blows to our lives and not come through to the other side with broken spirits! After being crushed, the rose bush still blooms, the herb garden still grows and the vines live on long after the grapes have given of themselves. These things of nature have nothing but cheerful expectations and an innate desire from their Creator to sacrifice, so as to bless others. May we desire to be so also!

A man is not determined great by what he can acquire but by what he can give up (author unknown). The same can be said of the rose.

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed but not in despair; persecuted but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed! 2 Corinthians 4:8,9

The longer we sit in the garden, the more we take on its fragrance! Just as, the longer we sit with our Savior, the more we reflect His character.

Acts of Kindness

My sister told me a story about something that happened to her a few summers ago that has stuck with me and changed me forever. It was a blistering hot day in the San Fernando Valley in Southern California. You couldn't help but say prayers for people working outside as you drove by in your air conditioned car. Asking God to give them even the relief of a breeze from the traffic whizzing by. I remember earlier in the week I was in the passenger seat of my sisters car and as we were stopped at a light, I looked up and there was a telephone repair man up on the pole. It was so hot that you could literally see the heat making the air wavy! I was in the car holding an ice cold soda and as I looked up our eyes caught. I remember sipping from my soda  and feeling guilty. Then, we drove off to continue our errands.

I often throw out "drive-by" prayers as I see certain things when I'm out. I'll pray for the workers in the fields, a homeless person, accident victims and even little children that you can tell are dealing with something. It's o.k. to say prayers in passing but my sister Nikki's story changed me and I see things a little differently now. As I said, it was a torrent of heat! My sister's air conditioning broke in her car and she had to get it fixed! Her husband Serge, said that he would take her over to the car dealership and get a loaner while they fixed it. He had called ahead so the wait wouldn't be long since their son Shawn (my nephew) is severely handicapped and moving him is difficult. Serge parked in the back and ran in quick to finalize the arrangements while Nikki and Shawn sat in the car with all the windows open. Shawn was about 25 at the time and he cannot walk or take care of himself so you can imagine that each second in that car seemed like hours! My sister took a paper bag that was in the car and started fanning Shawn and singing to make him laugh. She's an awesome mom to him, so much love and commitment. This all took place in a matter of about 5 minutes but it will show you that it only takes a minute to bless or be blessed!

My sister heard a loud rumble and as she turned to look, a Sparklett's Water truck had pulled up in the alley behind the dealership (is God the coolest or what). A guy jumped out and took a large order inside. Minutes later he appeared at my sister's window with ice cold waters for her and Shawn! He said, "It sure looks like you two could use a refresher!" as he handed them to her. Well, If you knew my sister,  then you would know that she was so touched that she was emotionally overwhelmed! The water guy stood there for a few minutes while Nikki wet down Shawn's tee-shirt and gave him sips of cold water. My sister got out of the car and her and this stranger sat on the bumper for a minute just making small talk and laughing.  She never forgot that stranger or the act of kindness he showed her and her son.

Lisa's Home

The other day I was sitting here at the house and the doorbell rang. Standing on my porch was my friend Lisa with an adorable french souffle' dish filled with a peach cobbler! Her smiling face and sunshine yellow hair were enough to make my day brighter but she said with a bubbly inflection, "I'm doing random acts of kindness today!" With a car full of handicapped kids, she was just popping in on people and blessing them! She runs a daycare out of her home for special needs children and she is such a "Martha" in everything she does. Her home is a wonderment to experience, with her vintage style, original art, flourishing gardens with fountains and even a big turtle walking around! This wasn't a one time thing for Lisa either, she is always stopping by with a surprise dinner or dessert and she even brings flowers! One day she brought me orchids and they looked stunning on my high-gloss antique Venetian mirrored entry table! They lasted forever and the joy they bought me reminded me daily of her beautiful,  generous and talented heart!

Another time I was at the pharmacy waiting for a prescription. I had an ear infection that seriously took me into delirium because of the pain! I sat on this tiny foot stool in the corner, tears rolling down my face in silent agony. I felt a hand on my shoulder and this woman crouched down and asked if I was alright. She could see that I was in pain and alone. I murmured that I was hurting but waiting for my medicine and she grabbed my hands gently and said a prayer for me. It felt so good to feel loved at that moment and not feel alone! She offered to wait with me and help me out but It was going to be awhile so I just thanked her. She gave me a hug and gently swiped the back of her fingers down my cheek. I'll never forget her.

One of my dearest and most precious memories though, is from my childhood. My mom had suffered a debilitating stroke when I was very young and it affected every aspect of my life! I don't have many memories about that time, but I distinctly remember how I felt and that was alone and abandoned. But one random act of kindness was branded into my heart and mind at a girl scout (actually, I was a brownie) camp. I was at Camp Pixie in upstate New York and I came down with the flu! I was always the sick kid! Well, I was sequestered and put into isolation by the leader. There I was, in this huge cabin away from all the kids and all by myself, sick as a dog! My fever made me feel disconnected and fuzzy in my head and I couldn't have been more than 5-6 years old so I felt very vulnerable and scared. I heard the squeaky screen door of the cabin open and then bang shut, then I heard someone come toward me. It was my friend Laurel's mom and she sat down next to me. I recall how beautiful and motherly she looked in her perfectly pressed peter pan collared gingham blouse, tan Capri pants and white Keds. (I don't really recall what she was wearing but it sounds too perfect not to include :). As I mentioned earlier, my memories aren't crystal clear but my feelings of those memories are vivid! Mrs. Lesio sat next to me and then did the most unforgettable gesture...she put her soft, cool hand on my burning forehead. I will NEVER forget how overwhelmed with gratitude I felt at that moment! (I'm crying right now as I'm writing this). One touch, that I felt a thousand times throughout my life! Every sadness, sickness, depression and hurt that I ever felt, I would call upon that single kindness to comfort me. That one touch was the only mother I had at times. Thank you Mrs. Lesio for putting your love into action.

As I sit here I am reminded of so many times when someone thought of me and took the time to put it into an act of service. My friend Gloria takes so much of her free time to come and pick me up so we can run errands together or just go do something fun. My friend Christy takes the time to email me and encourage me, my sister Nikki comes up to my home when my husbands out of town to keep me company and the list goes on and on! We don't have to be connected by a relationship to reach out and touch someones life. Just like the water guy who saw a need, we can keep our eyes open for opportunities to bless someone. I know it sounds silly but I use my sense of humor when I'm out, to make people laugh. I can't bake so this is what I give. There have been countless times when people have said how much they needed to laugh or they were grateful for the human touch of caring interaction! There's even check-out people that see me coming and yell out my name to welcome me! I  peek at peoples name tags then always call them by name when I see them and end our interaction with a hug and a "God bless you!" I make sure I have eye contact when I say to have a great day and I'll even pause and say it so they know someone really saw them.

All of us have gifts from God. I heard a saying once that read, "Love isn't put in our hearts to stay, love isn't love till we give it away." My sister Nancy once told me not to react to peoples demeanor's because you don't know what they're going through in their life. They could have a sick child and they're running late for work or someone they love is suffering from a sickness and their hearts are heavy laden. Maybe they encountered a mean person and they're feeling wounded or embarrassed or their spouse just left them. I was at a conference once and the guest speaker said, "Love people the way you know they could be". Sometimes our kindness changes people and they pass it forward, changing one heart at a time! There are also mean people who may remember your act of kindness when they finally are feeling vulnerable, maybe during a sickness or even on their death bed, and in that moment of softness they will repent for the hurts they've caused.

Even the smallest act of kindness doesn't go unnoticed. You will never know when or how your gift will change another person, so that gives us reason to be a blessing. It's the ripple effect of love and even the tiniest pebble of kindness will be a catalyst to love cascading. In the book of Timothy, chapter 4, verse 14 says, "Neglect not the gift that is in thee". Find your gift! Maybe you're goofy like me or maybe you're a quieter servant but find and appreciate the gift that God put in your soul! Your life is God's gift to you, what you do with it is your gift to God! When we face God at the end our life, assuming you have asked Christ into your heart as your Savior, the only question we will have to answer is, "What did you do with the life I gave you?" Start writing your answers on the tablet of your life right now. Go and love. For me, next time I see a telephone man laboring in the sweltering heat, I'm gonna get out and give him my ice cold soda.

Supporting scriptures:

Matthew 10:42, "If anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones, because he is my disciple, I tell you the truth, he certainly will not lose his reward!"

Matthew 25:40, "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of My brethren, you did for Me (Jesus)."

James 1:22, Do not merely listen to the Word but be a Doer of the Word and you will be blessed!

The Two Shall Meet

A lovely friend of mine e-mailed me today with a beautiful quote that put the final stitch in my quilted heart :) She praised and encouraged me for doing my blog and this is the quote..."Our calling is where our deep gladness meets the world's deep needs".

I have finally found my niche' in life! I feel like I'm exactly where God wants me right now! It's so weird that I'm saying that because I am in the middle of one of the worse times! But, God has lifted the veil that kept me from seeing the glistening pools and palm trees in my desert! My mind feels like it's swimming in the clear Bahama waters! Can I say that all the pain was worth it? Yes, because I think of this life as a pregnancy and all the pain will give birth to a precious gift from God  if we let Him use that pain. Just as a clay pot or a porcelain dish has to be fired in a kiln at high temperatures to bring out its beauty, so is the same for our hearts.

I find it so profound that what I love to do the most is to write, yet without all my trials I would have nothing to write about or to share concerning the deep needs of the world. Above my desk, on a small piece of paper it reads, "Grace to write", and now next to it is the quote my friend sent to me today :)

Real Love

God is Waiting for You

There are no gray areas with God. His Word and his promises are pure truth! Our own guilt and shame cause us to think he loves with a human love but that is NOT TRUE! God’s love is sovereign and unconditional. It is pure and immune to change. If you ever, as a child of God question his love, you are allowing yourself to be deceived. He loves you, period.


The Father sees his children through the blood of his Son Jesus. He never sees our sin. For as high are the heavens above the earth, so great is His love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.” (Psalm 103:11-12). The Father sees only the righteous, holy and pure result of His Son’s sacrifice! He loves us exactly how He loves His Son because He sees us through Him! Jesus is our Savior and Intercessor. We cry out when we are stuck in our sin and Jesus comes with a heart of compassion and love. He never comes to His children with judgment or condemnation! He hears our cries and He takes our need to the Father, interceding for us on our behalf. Our Father in heaven cannot see our sin because Jesus is our filter of unconditional love!

We NEVER have to be afraid to go to Jesus! Fear means punishment. The concept of punishment does not apply to God’s children. That’s not to say He doesn’t discipline or correct us in love so as to teach us and protect us. His intentions toward us are always rooted in love, never fear. Shame is what the enemy uses to keep us from going to our “one true love”, Jesus. Pure love casts out fear (1John 4:18). 
If you think of God as this one big Wizard of Oz waiting for you to come to him so he can unleash his insecure reactive wrath upon you because you haven’t talked to him lately then you need to read your bible and cement His truth into your heart regarding His great love for you! He longingly waits to spend time with you. He created you to have a relationship with you! He is a relational God, Father, Son and Holy Ghost. It's not one god, it's the three of them all working together! He created us to have a relationship with us. He misses you when you don't spend time with him. Think of Jesus and his closeness with the disciples! He wants that with you.

No matter what you’ve been up to (good or bad) He is waiting for you to come to Him so He can love you and help you. God loves you no matter what! Don’t complicate it with guilt, fear and shame. God loves you no matter what! If other people choose to hurt us because of the “free will” God has given them, then God will be there for us to comfort us and see us through. “The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The Lord protects the simple hearted; when I was in great need He saved me.” Psalm 116:5.

If you ever think He has left you, that couldn’t be further from the truth. If it seems God isn’t there it’s because He wants YOU to pursue Him for a while. Think about how you feel when you have a one way friendship. You are always reaching out to them but they are distant and unresponsive. How deep is your commitment to follow Him? He will never leave you or forsake you, (Hebrews 13:5). He will go ahead of you a bit and call out to you to follow, that’s how your faith grows! It’s like a father that lets go of the bike as you ride on your own. He hasn’t left you; He’s just letting you grow.

If you ever feel doubt about God then run as fast as you can to your bible and read the New Testament! Start with the Gospel of John. His Word reveals the truth, delivers peace, bubbles up joy and casts out doubt and fear! Don’t ever blame God because you feel He has abandoned you. He can't abandon you because that's not in His nature to do so! His nature is to love you and that will never change! He's not your personal genie or someone you should want to avoid, He is your true soul-mate! He is the Sovereign All Mighty Lord and Creator of the Universe and ALL that is in it! It is not in His character or nature to go against His own Word. He loves you and that is that :)


Have you gotten to know the One that created you for the sole purpose of having a relationship with you? He will not shout over your life but if you quiet yourself, you’ll find He’s right there.
James 4:8 says, “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you”.

All of God’s love is there for His beloved children. Have you asked Jesus into your heart as your Savior and Lord of your life? Tell Him you’re sorry for doing things that haven’t pleased Him and simply ask Him to forgive you and invite Him into your heart.

He’s waiting with open arms!

Inner Darkness

This is a psalm that I wrote during one of the darkest times in my life. I didn't think I could post it because it's so personal but I know someone out there needs to know they're not alone.

Inner Darkness

By Dee Armes-Hartmann

         

          I awoke yet again to my soul silently screaming, blinded to all that is holy or beautiful. My thoughts churning despair and my heart swelled to sinking. Pain is my prominent feeling accompanied by my sick stomach and the screeching in my ears. My skin burns and blisters till the insanity takes me to delirium and pain throbs from my tips to my temples. Fearful fatigue threatens my consciousness and abilities. My joints are like furnaces burning till I succumb to boisterous whining and writhing. Tears burn my eyes and cheeks as they literally feel like seeping acid and all the while my muscles and tendons endure the heartless pressing in and pulling out of red hot rods.

          God says he is bound to me. That he will never leave me or forsake me. He tells me to rejoice in the privilege to share in his sufferings. I believe everything he says with absolute conviction. But I hate my journey. I hate it. I feel like a victim of torture begging for it to stop but it doesn’t. Yet with each wave of pain I still hope and believe that my deliverer will come. I only cling to that hope because there is no other alternative. I can’t end my own suffering because I cannot destroy what God has fearfully and wonderfully made. The shame of that would be worse than the torment itself. My screams for help now echo in my vacant soul. Yet it is only those echoes that keep me alive. They have become the voice of my Christ on the cross calling to encourage me to suffer on to the hope and crown that lie ahead. He is the only one that knows my pain and sorrow. May my curses turn to praise is my prayer.         9/28/10

This pain passed and my days became brighter as I drew nearer to God. Don't give in to the despair but calm yourself and rest in God's arms so He can heal your pain.


If you haven't invited Jesus into your heart and you would like to do it now, then just recite this prayer...Jesus, Thank you for dying for me on the cross. I know that my soul is eternal and it will go somewhere when I die so I invite you to come and live in me so that I can be with you forever. I can't save my soul by good works but, through your precious blood I can be covered by your grace. I want to go through this life with You and not alone. Come into my heart. Amen 

Letter From Jesus

My dear children,

                How can I return when even my own children believe that I Am “the tormenter”? These trials that I allow have limits on them BUT they are a gift! Deep inside you is a thorn of unbelief. Whenever tribulations come they press against this lie and cause you extreme pain in your soul. I Am allowing these trials because I love you so much that I cannot leave that thorn in you! Each sickness, each trial is My loving scalpel to heal you, but instead of standing on My Word and using My Name with authority you cringe, shake your fist at Me and curse Me. My precious one, would I be a loving Father if I let that thorn remain in you? Do you not even discipline your own children so they will know that protection and love are one in the same? They may hate you for a while but if their hearts are good they will come to see that you were just teaching lessons of character that will make their life safer and better.

                My job is to protect my sheep. Why do you blame Me for the lion that seeks to destroy you? It’s your will that chooses to wander off without Me. You start most of your days without me, run your errands, stress through your evening and often go to sleep without taking notice that I Am longing to spend all my time with you! I Am not mad at you, I just miss you. When you wander toward the lion without the armor I’ve given you, there is NOT ONE TIME, past, present or future that I haven’t or will not come and fiercely protect you! But I must put a righteous fear in you! That is to protect you and to build your character and belief system. Will you not also do this for your children? Or are you going to send them out one day into a dangerous world without any tough lessons to have prepared them?

                If trauma in your life makes you curse me then I refuse to leave that thorn in you! I will allow trials because I love you! Trials are to the soul the same as white blood cells are to the body. They push the infection out! It may seem that your body is fighting you but it is actually fighting for you! That is how I designed you. I do not ask you to understand it all but just to trust me .Drink and eat of My Word so the TRUTH OF MY LOVE will become the words you utter when you are weak. Not the lies that the prince of lies whispers in your ear. You are grown in body but inside there is still a child that has yet to believe My Truth that I will never leave you or forsake you! Look around the world. Do you think I pleasure in the suffering of my children? I weep over them every moment. I wait for the Word from My Father when I can rush to the Arch Angel Michael and yell, “Blow the trumpet, it’s time to gather my sheep! It’s time for all suffering to stop and I can feast with my children! We can drink wine and dance!  No more pain! No more suffering! All have heard the truth and made their choices! It’s time to bring My sheep home!

                Then, one at a time I will invite them to come with me for a private moment. I will show them the bottles in which I saved each of their tears. For the first time though, they will see that mixed with their tears are My own.  For every tear you shed my child, remember that I weep with you. When you suffer I Am right there inside you feeling the same pain. I Am NEVER away from you! I Am ALWAYS with you!

NEVER entertain the prince of lies!!!! Would you be righteously angry if a teacher told your children that you secretly despised them on a daily basis without your knowing? Then a day came when your children took it to heart? Would you not, with all your power hope that they would choose to renew their minds! Yes, it is a choice. I cannot force you to believe that I love you but I can hope that you will “choose” to seek Me and My truth! My servant David chose to believe Me! He looked not at the giant but at my giant faithfulness and unfailing love! It was through years of communion with him and many of those years were in the desert! We would Sheppard his flock together and I taught him how to fight lions of lies and bears of unbelief! Your times in the wilderness are not for nothing! Those times of fighting the lions and bears are not a waste! Trust me and know, that the fury in your soul, that your pain triggers, is a character that I must destroy before it destroys you.

So please know my little children that it is the fearful child inside you that these trials are for. You despise me now but trust me that you will praise Me one day for not leaving you the way you were! I want nothing to be able to trigger unbelief in you!!!!! No matter how dark the season of the soul or body you must never believe the prince of lies!!!! In your pain, remember my servant Job.  He questioned me, cried to me but never cursed Me. I promised him, “I will yet fill your mouth with laughter and lips with shouts of joy!” (Job 8:21), and I did. I blessed him one hundred-fold! Your trial little one is not forever! You will laugh again, here, in this life! I will restore back to you the years the locust have taken! (Joel 2:25a). So pray! Rebuke the prince of lies in My Name! The name “Jesus the Christ”, and as you become a strong warrior for Me, you will be changed from a target to an arrow!!! Cast despair from your heart in My Name! You may not always understand what I Am doing but you need to know with all your heart that I will never leave you or forsake you! When that warrior spirit rises up from the compost of your trials that is when I will send you back down the mountain with a song in your heart rather than the despair, doubts and fears you came up with!

You will return to the valley a different person. I will call upon you to go and encourage one of my other children to allow you to help them to the trailhead at the base of the mountain... You will try to tell them that all their fears and anger are all an illusion from the prince of lies but neither you nor I can convince them. It is only the mountain of suffering that will change their fear to faith. Do you see now, my precious one? Even I, as God, cannot change a person just because I want to or because I know what’s best. I can only get your attention on the mountain. The pain and suffering caused by the mountains elements causes my little ones to run to me and spend time with me. It’s in that time that they come to see the truth about me and they learn to rest in Me even as the storm hovers above. They will never be the same again!  No longer frightened, angry and disillusioned children but instead, they will be warriors and soldiers in My Army! With My armor they will never be taken down again by lies! They will know the truth that believing any lies will weaken not only their faith but their bodies! My child, did you hear that…”The truth will set you free.” If you tell your mind the truth, then your heart and body will follow.  It is in the rejoicing that the body heals. For only hope can rejoice!

I love you my precious one,

Jesus

Of a Psalm I Say...

A psalm is a song of lamentations. It starts with the honest cries of the heart yet always ends with praise and glory to God! I've learned that God is in every aspect of my life, the good and the bad. He teaches me about Himself through every event that comes my way. God encourages us to question Him as He did with Gideon, to talk to Him as He did with Moses, to try even if we fail at first as He did with Peter. Depression is a psalm with no recognition of God's goodness at the end. Hope is Praising God after you lament your troubles.

Apart from God's Word there is no hope. Every story is a story of His infinite love for us! His unfailing boundless love that He desires to lavish upon us every moment! I encourage you to read the Psalms and then model your prayers after them. Be honest, pour your heart out, question and be specific. Then, end with praise, for He is good and worthy to be praised! See Him in every situation, even when you can't see Him!

Writing From My Shell

I awoke this morning to the monotony of what my life has become. My spirit panting for laughter and fullness, my body weak and sore, my mind numb and empty, my emotions blank and my soul quietly reminiscing about how it used to play. Why bother getting up? I feel nothing and my hope has hidden from me. Outside the sun is shinning and I feel angry at it! Jealous because it shines and I feel so dark. I know that if I stay in this bed that nothing will change though. So, I invest my energy in opening the shutters and straightening things up so my house doesn't reflect my mood. I dilly dally at the sink and let the hot water steam my face while I think of nothing. I remember a friend telling me once that if I wanted to change the paradigm of my life then I should answer my own question of "Why bother?". Why should I bother to get up, open the shutters, write from my heart, paint a painting, do the dishes...?

To stop trying is to die and to die is to give up hope. Hope IS life. Choosing to hope is the first decision I must make each day!!! Just start with that, then get up and walk to the kitchen and do the little things that should be done. After that, work my way into the living room and read my devotional and my bible and after that it seems as though momentum takes over and I'm on the road instead of in the ditch! I have to also purposefully put meaning into a drawing or painting that I do, so instead of saying, "Why bother?", I must say, "Because I can make this into a card and send it to someone! That's why! I must look at the dishes that need to be washed and say, "My husband loves when he comes home to dinner and he absolutely loves to see me joyful! That's why I'm going to wash you!"

It all sounds so childish and narcissistic to be so self absorbed but God has me in a small corner right now and when you really love Him and know with all your heart how much He loves you. then, you know that it is not a place of punishment but a time of learning. God has a plan. He had a plan for Abraham, Joseph, Moses, Hosea, Peter, Paul and even His own Son Jesus. God has a plan for me and I'm not going to let depression or anger  (which is from the lying enemy) to undermine what God is doing! Everyday is a choice for me to rise or fall, to trust or doubt, to have hope or to lie down and die. It's not the big storms of life but the monotony of stillness that wears on me. Like a grain of sand trapped and held captive in a shell, being tossed, rolled and ground in the ocean's salty tears until finally the sharp blade of the Great Fisherman pries open the shell of darkness and reveals the precious pearl inside! He bends over and whispers to His creation, "My precious one....The pearl is the only precious stone that lives, suffers and dies only to arise from the darkness full of glory! The door to heaven is a pearl, which represents Me. I am the Way, the truth and the life. I asked you to share in my sufferings and you did. Go now, be there for someone like I was there with you. Listen to their heart, hold them with your arms for me and share My love and truth with them".

2 Corinthians 1:3-5...Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in ALL our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

This is why we bother....because no matter how dark our own circumstances are, there is always someone else who needs to hear the story of the pearl.