It's called being proper, a gentlemen or a lady will practice it. Some call it restraint, politeness or self-control. It is all of these things and more. Most of us stand behind it and do our dealings toward others, while holding back the deep truths of our hearts so as to not cause emotional injury. It can also be used as a platform to conjure up desired results through subtle manipulations. The courtesy gate serves many objectives besides its original purposes of generosity and humility.
Another abuse of the courtesy gate is the unabashed attacker who flings it wide open to lambaste those who defy them. They hurl a slew of unattractive verbal maladies intended to cause injury because they lack the beautiful fruits of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Some through no fault of their own were never taught and had vicious examples. Others freely choose the fight. Those types have never chosen or practiced self-restraint because of their immaturity, lack of humility, strong pride and ignorance.
The courtesy gate is not a fickle thing, it is us, the humans, who use it to our benefit. How easy it is to manipulate others with it by either taunting them over it or simply telling lies over it because of our inability to be honest in a kind and thoughtful way. Of course we will turn that around to serve us in the end by blaming them for not responding to our requests or hints. We then enter the judgement phase!
Judging others is like playing in a toxic waste dump. We will get sick eventually as we continually choose to go play there. We miss out on most of life's beauty because instead of being present in life we are off to the side playing with our toxins. They aren't even the toxins of the realistic situation! The toxic playground we are at is the one we have filled up with our bitterness, jealousy, resentment, anger, etc... We choose it all day as a place to wallow as the inflamed accusations swell and pierce deeper. Our only goal at that point is a chronic state of selfishness where we make our bed in the stench and refuse to rise till the others change first!
Thinking only of ourselves and our comfort will always lead to tantrums, internal and external, conscious and unconscious. Kicking, yelling and flailing as we make sure that no one else around us can be happy either. "Suffer with me!", our gut screams! "Make my inconveniences go away! Make everything comfortable for me!" We become embedded in the quicksand of poisons spitting out cries for help. But our idea of relief and God's is very different!
It is a slippery slope into the evil behaviors of self-preservation. There are a few who dive straight in but most start with a dipping of the toe. Slowly, one dissatisfaction, one misunderstanding, one infraction, and before we know it we are over our heads in self-focused behavior. (I could go very, very deep into this subject touching on personalities and temperaments but I will leave that up to you. I will make recommendations at the bottom for books referrals.) God gave me an insight years ago that has helped me tremendously with handling my struggles with spiritual growth. He told me to always be aware of intensity and quantity. To ask myself on a regular basis if I am doing a bad behavior less and with less vigor. If we make ourselves aware of those two things we will see if we are growing spiritually or not. Do we do our selfish behaviors on a lower intensity level and less frequent? Do we see this pattern set on an upward trajectory? Then there is evidence of our surrender and the Spirit's work! All God asks is that we provide Him with a willing heart.
God is able and our growth would be exponentially faster if we would just let go of our pride and desire for control. I don't know about you but I have put way more energy into taking my stance than praying for a kinder heart and less self comfort. Most of us have a courtesy gate that we use and on the outside we appear to be so thoughtful and so Christian but it is what lies in our hearts that God cares about. In the book of Hosea 6:6, God says, "I don't want your sacrifices, I want your hearts!" (read Hosea ch.6 for full context). What does that mean for us?
Basically, God is saying that we should always start by looking not only in the mirror first but also even deeper, into our own hearts. Just as a mountain climber carries a pick and is always prepared to use it, we should always have God's Word poised and ready to wield as our sword to stop us instantly from sliding down the slippery slope of self. Let us all desire for our courtesies to be an overflow of our heart and not just a show for others as we are stewing inside.
From the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. Matthew 12;34b
Let your character speak for itself. (Mat 5:37, Jam 5:12)
Why do you see the speck in your brother's eye, but do not take notice of the log in your own?! Matthew 7:3
...the sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God... Ephesians 6:17
Book references:
The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman
The Four Temperaments, by Tim LaHaye
The DNA of Relationships, by Gary Smalley
Another abuse of the courtesy gate is the unabashed attacker who flings it wide open to lambaste those who defy them. They hurl a slew of unattractive verbal maladies intended to cause injury because they lack the beautiful fruits of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Some through no fault of their own were never taught and had vicious examples. Others freely choose the fight. Those types have never chosen or practiced self-restraint because of their immaturity, lack of humility, strong pride and ignorance.
The courtesy gate is not a fickle thing, it is us, the humans, who use it to our benefit. How easy it is to manipulate others with it by either taunting them over it or simply telling lies over it because of our inability to be honest in a kind and thoughtful way. Of course we will turn that around to serve us in the end by blaming them for not responding to our requests or hints. We then enter the judgement phase!
Judging others is like playing in a toxic waste dump. We will get sick eventually as we continually choose to go play there. We miss out on most of life's beauty because instead of being present in life we are off to the side playing with our toxins. They aren't even the toxins of the realistic situation! The toxic playground we are at is the one we have filled up with our bitterness, jealousy, resentment, anger, etc... We choose it all day as a place to wallow as the inflamed accusations swell and pierce deeper. Our only goal at that point is a chronic state of selfishness where we make our bed in the stench and refuse to rise till the others change first!
Thinking only of ourselves and our comfort will always lead to tantrums, internal and external, conscious and unconscious. Kicking, yelling and flailing as we make sure that no one else around us can be happy either. "Suffer with me!", our gut screams! "Make my inconveniences go away! Make everything comfortable for me!" We become embedded in the quicksand of poisons spitting out cries for help. But our idea of relief and God's is very different!
It is a slippery slope into the evil behaviors of self-preservation. There are a few who dive straight in but most start with a dipping of the toe. Slowly, one dissatisfaction, one misunderstanding, one infraction, and before we know it we are over our heads in self-focused behavior. (I could go very, very deep into this subject touching on personalities and temperaments but I will leave that up to you. I will make recommendations at the bottom for books referrals.) God gave me an insight years ago that has helped me tremendously with handling my struggles with spiritual growth. He told me to always be aware of intensity and quantity. To ask myself on a regular basis if I am doing a bad behavior less and with less vigor. If we make ourselves aware of those two things we will see if we are growing spiritually or not. Do we do our selfish behaviors on a lower intensity level and less frequent? Do we see this pattern set on an upward trajectory? Then there is evidence of our surrender and the Spirit's work! All God asks is that we provide Him with a willing heart.
God is able and our growth would be exponentially faster if we would just let go of our pride and desire for control. I don't know about you but I have put way more energy into taking my stance than praying for a kinder heart and less self comfort. Most of us have a courtesy gate that we use and on the outside we appear to be so thoughtful and so Christian but it is what lies in our hearts that God cares about. In the book of Hosea 6:6, God says, "I don't want your sacrifices, I want your hearts!" (read Hosea ch.6 for full context). What does that mean for us?
Basically, God is saying that we should always start by looking not only in the mirror first but also even deeper, into our own hearts. Just as a mountain climber carries a pick and is always prepared to use it, we should always have God's Word poised and ready to wield as our sword to stop us instantly from sliding down the slippery slope of self. Let us all desire for our courtesies to be an overflow of our heart and not just a show for others as we are stewing inside.
From the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. Matthew 12;34b
Let your character speak for itself. (Mat 5:37, Jam 5:12)
Why do you see the speck in your brother's eye, but do not take notice of the log in your own?! Matthew 7:3
...the sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God... Ephesians 6:17
Book references:
The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman
The Four Temperaments, by Tim LaHaye
The DNA of Relationships, by Gary Smalley
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