Die to Live

A new life, mind-set or heart change can not be built where our pride exists above God's grace. We must allow God to bring us down. For no good foundation is ever built in lofty places. It is only in the dirt from which we came that He can tend and grow us to be a glory to Him.

John 12:24, Unless a grain of wheat falls in the ground and dies, it remains by itself alone. But, if it dies it bears much fruit.

Living Sacrifice

I had to lay something precious on the alter of God last night. Instead of letting my emotions spiral I rested in His promises and accepted His peace in place of my anxiety. Rather than praying for deliverance I prayed for a trusting heart. The theme in my life lately has been to calm myself first rather than becoming a ball of emotions at the get-go, so I thought I would put it to the test. God's peace was right there, as I see now that it always was. I never saw it before because my inner station was always tuned into a manic state rather than a trusting one. Children of God, if I could convey one truth to  you it would be this, that God is there and ever-present in your trauma. It is our own storm of emotions that keeps us from experiencing Him in those troubled times.

I realized this morning that not only did I have to lay my precious one on the alter, but I too had to lay down upon it.

John 14:27, My peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

1 Peter 1:13, Think clearly and exercise self-control.

Philippians 4:6-7, Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

2 Timothy 1:7, For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind.

1)   Calm yourself (the devil wants you confused and angry)
2)   Get your bible! Read TRUTH (The Psalms for starters)
3)   CHOOSE truth in your mind over emotions.
4)   Talk to God like a friend. Pour out your lamentations.
5)   Use scriptures to deflate the lies.
6)   Rest and trust. (See yourself with Christ, allow Him to love you)

1 Peter 5:6-7, So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and in His good time He will honor you. Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about what happens to you.

I'm Right Here

Psalm 94:17-19...Unless the Lord helped me, I would soon have died. I cried out, "I'm slipping!" And Your unfailing love, O Lord, supported me. When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.

God loves when we need Him. He fills every dark place.

When we are troubled in soul, spirit and mind there is a vital truth to remember...We cannot hear God over our static. He has been speaking to me for a long time now about calmness. Calming ourselves before Him will tune our spirit to His and all His truth and blessings will be like a sweet song and gentle hand to our brow.

Psalm 91:14-16, The Lord says, "I will rescue those who love me,        I will protect those who trust in my name. When they call on me, I will answer, I will be with them in trouble, I will rescue them and honor them. I will satisfy them with a long life and give them my salvation."

In Psalm 46:10, God says, "Still yourself and KNOW that I AM God."
He makes three declarations...Calm yourself, Know (not wonder) that He IS God, and third, that He is the Great "I AM". When we cry out, "Who is the One who will save me?" He replies, "I AM."

Peace and blessings.

Lord?

For years I have struggled with depression but through years of seeking God within it, I have found that He is ALWAYS right there to guide me out. The other day as I felt it creeping in I said to God, "I just don't get you." There were a few things on my mind that were perplexing me but I made the decision to seek Him rather than sink. I opened my bible to Ecclesiastes 11:4,5 and read, "If you wait for perfect conditions, you will never get anything done. God's ways are as hard to discern as the pathways of the wind, and as mysterious as a tiny baby being formed in his mother's womb."

He ministered to my heart and I began to see that I didn't get Him for two reasons, one that His ways are not my ways (Isaiah 55:8,9) and I'm not meant to get Him. TWO, I was looking at Him through eyes of entitlement rather than eyes of a child. I will never understand God but I can with 100% certainty know that He is in control. I understand now that I have to stop throwing myself on the floor (figuratively)in a fit of "It's not fair!" and start running into His arms for ALL I need!

After I told God that I didn't get Him, I remember the Holy Spirit whispering to me, "Draw near to Me and I will draw near to you." That CHOICE to turn to Him rather than to my darkness changed my whole day! I was hit  by the revelation that I am not created to be able to function on my own. God created us to need Him and I saw with my heart's eyes that my struggle with depression is not a curse that He punishes me with but a gift that He has given me so that I will always curl up at His feet to let Him love me! My degrees of suffering were deep because I entertained lies in my mind rather than truth. Truth does set us free. If we turn down the volume of our own inner dialog and the lies of the devil and grasp God's Word at the beginning of the episode, then, we can avoid falling into the abyss.

I'm done blaming God and others for not meeting all my needs. As I spent time with my Lord this week He spoke to my heart about many things. Each circumstance brought lessons and I grew above my depression. There was a special gift within His presence that opened my eyes to a new perspective. I can freak out because of my inabilities or I can rest in His calmness because of His abilities. Satan is a dominating force in this world BUT HE IS NOT A DOMINATING FORCE IN MY LIFE! I can allow him to grab my tail and whip me around or I can rip it from him and proclaim, "I am NOT your property! I am the property and possession of Jesus Christ!" Making that proclamation stops the descent into darkness so in turn keeps us in the light of Christ.

Is God readily available to yank us from the storm as He did for Peter (Matthew 14:29...)? YES! Do we laser focus on calling out to Him first when we are sinking or do we get overwhelmed by the crashing waves and gasps for air? More than not we let the circumstances draw us down like water down a drain, spinning us into a vortex of "WHYS". Let us change those "Why Lords?" into "What Lords?" by IMMEDIATELY drawing near to Him when we sense our first need. Apart from His Word (the bible), His Presence (prayer & meditation) and Christian fellowship (Church, study groups...) we will sink. Like Peter, thrust your arm up and call out, Lord, help me! and He will draw you near to Him. Just like you have to drive to the store to get bread, so we must go to Him, The Bread of Life.

Romans 5:5, ...and hope never disappoints, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

Never give up, for the lesson is in the storm and it will not only bless you, but others also. You have a purpose, you are precious in His sight, you are not alone, nothing can separate you from the love of God! Find the voice of truth and dwell there till He says it's safe to leave. Upon leaving, don't leave without Him!

Book recommendation:

Hinds Feet on High Places. Hannah Hurnard

Telling Yourself the Truth. Backus and Chapian

There's Hope for the Hurting. Robert Lee

Enjoying God. S.J. Hill

Through the Wilderness of Loneliness. Tim Hansel

WHERE THERE IS GOD, THERE IS HOPE.

I have developed a systematic approach to monitoring my experiences with depression. I ask myself 1) Did I seek God sooner? 2) Did I reach out to a trusted confidant? Was the bout shorter than it used to be? Was the bout less intense? If I answer yes to the first two questions then the answer to the last two is always yes. That is an excellent result! God is good.

Those who live in the shelter of the  Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. Psalm 91:1

Read the Psalms for hope and love.

Prayer to Abba

Lord of all Creation,

Balance me today. Balance my thoughts, my desires, my cravings. Balance my responses, my reactions, my interactions. Lord, balance the heart within me from which all things flow and balance my mind, body and soul. You, O Lord, who holds the endless universe in perfect balance, who can suspend planets in mid-air and who tells the sea where to stop, balance me today.

Make Your will - my will, Your desires - my desires. Remind me all day that through Your Holy Spirit, anything that comes into my life has had to come through You first and  is a lesson to grow from. Let me not expect life to be easy but to know that it will be interesting, fascinating and sometimes a puzzling journey of joys and sorrows and that I will never walk it alone. Keep me mindful that every bad thing has goodness to be found in it, if we will only look for it. And, when our plans do not fit Your plan - bless me with peace that Your plan is best and that it is safe to follow You anywhere. Our purpose here is not to be comfortable but to be comforting, not to be stuffed with empty "things" of this earth but to be content with whatever we have and to share it with others. Balance me today in every way, encourage me to release the things I covet and I desire above all that You alone fill my wanting hands and heart.

Make my day a prayer to you, so I am connected to You every moment. Let not my pride think that I can do anything apart from You. Give me a constant hunger in my heart to be satisfied and filled only by You and to recognize You as my full portion. Above all Lord, reveal and cement in my heart Your deep and committed love that you have for me. Make me ever thirsty for Your Word and Your presence in my life. Let no one and no thing rob me of Your gift of peace knowing that Your Holy Spirit has filled me and I am sealed by Him, the giver of all Your gifts. Give me Your wisdom generously to be able to stand in all hope of You.

You are my Redeemer, my Savior, Lover of my soul and my friend. May all those I pray for find You to be all those things to them also. Whatever shape each persons emptiness is - fill it perfectly Lord as only You can do. Whenever one of them is alone, worried or scared, let Your presence comfort them and assure them. Show the lost that You are the Way and that Your truth and light will guide them and give them hope. May our desire be to see You glorified in our lives.

Thank you for giving and for also not giving, for you alone know what’s best for me. I thank you for everything, even the undesirable situations of my life. Keep me focused on You and not those puzzling things so that I can have peace and joy even in my storms. I love you Lord, and it’s only when I turn elsewhere rather than to you that I loose my way.  Give me a heart that gives you my self-pity, anger, resentment and bitterness and receives from you your goodness instead! My nature is to turn to my complaining but I ask you to change that nature by giving me a humble heart that surrenders willingly and joyfully to You alone. Your boundless love surrounds me and your kindness and forgiveness brings me to joyful tears! You are meeting me right now in my spirit, my Daddy in Heaven, and I feel safe and so loved! You are my hope and joy. Amen

Today

I don't want to figure anything out today. I just want to rest in the civilized order and solitude of this day. There is peace and I shall lay in it, softly and kindly unto myself. Undisturbed and disturbing no one...I hear only my breathing and the birds. A day of this kind can only be known as a pure and precious gift, not earned but blessed with. Treasuring it, respecting and loving it and wishing it could last forever and ever and ever and ever...D.A.H.

My Fluid Friend

I dream of the sound that water makes when it taps timely against my window pane... during a rain. The rhythmic surge of the ebb and flow of the sea and how it calls to me. In my dreams I dangle my feet in the crisp waters of the mountain stream. I stare at the falling water that rushes without hindrance to keep her full and flowing for me. His power gives me comfort and peace. My dream always takes me to where the rivers flow. Why? I think I know....

I love the living waters, where they come from and where they go. How they cut their path through mighty mountains and find a way to flow. The hot springs bring their healing, the mountain springs refresh. The gentle waters cleanse us, all attest. We conceive , grow and come from it. It's secrets I've promised to keep. I've been fooled though to think, it was my choice to float or go deep.

I've wondered at the rainbow and ran from the rain, knowing rainbows were a promise and rain causes no pain. My boots have splashed the puddles and my hands have splashed my friends, water always blesses me, it's source never ends.

I remember wet grass as it tickled my toes and sandy beaches and hidden coves, where we found and touched anemones while the tide rose, and only darkness drove us home.

Sprinklers and pricker bushes causing me to hop, squirting the hose in the air and dodging all the drops. The summer sun shot prisms through the water as it sprayed. We'd run and laugh till suppertime came and robbed our day.

The water rescued us from a sun so hot it made the air wavy. Keds kicking up dirt, throwing stones, seeing drips of sweat clear the dirt on our legs and arms. Then, jumping into that liquid relief head first!  Ice cold water! Submerged, drenched, washed! All was new! Laughing and yelling! The water gave its permission that we could exhale and just be kids.

You also let the winter freeze you. Perfect crystals ~ snowflakes ~ each designed by His hand ~ each unique and brilliant just like us! I loved when the moon lied upon you and you drew me in with your purples! As a child you let me skate on you, dig tunnels through you, build snowmen and make angels in you. Then, as a young woman I kissed while you fell around me. Today, I chase my grandchildren around in you.

My life has been beautified by you! Our God gave you to me and I have felt you. I have been playful in you and let you fall upon me whether warm, chilled or frozen. You have healed me, revived me and lulled me. My wounds have been washed by you. You have fallen from my eyes in joy and in pain. You have made my garden grow. My child was held by you and later, his children. I have been saved from you and baptised in you. You fell from my mother at my birth and you fell from the clouds when she died. You have brought and you have taken. I long for you always...your sound, your touch and even the clouds you bring are a cover for me when I feel exposed and tender. And, I am sure that it will be in you that I will be carried home.

Revelation 22:2

Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God..

The Courtesy Gate

It's called being proper, a gentlemen or a lady will practice it. Some call it restraint, politeness or self-control. It is all of these things and more. Most of us stand behind it and do our dealings toward others, while holding back the deep truths of our hearts so as to not cause emotional injury. It can also be used as a platform to conjure up desired results through subtle manipulations. The courtesy gate serves many objectives besides its original purposes of generosity and humility.

Another abuse of the courtesy gate is the unabashed attacker who flings it wide open to lambaste those who defy them. They hurl a slew of unattractive verbal maladies intended to cause injury because they lack the beautiful fruits of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Some through no fault of their own were never taught and had vicious examples. Others freely choose the fight. Those types have never chosen or practiced self-restraint because of their immaturity, lack of humility, strong pride and ignorance.

The courtesy gate is not a fickle thing, it is us, the humans, who use it to our benefit. How easy it is to manipulate others with it by either taunting them over it or simply telling lies over it because of our inability to be honest in a kind and thoughtful way. Of course we will turn that around to serve us in the end by blaming them for not responding to our requests or hints. We then enter the judgement phase!

Judging others is like playing in a toxic waste dump. We will get sick eventually as we continually choose to go play there. We miss out on most of life's beauty because instead of being present in life we are off to the side playing with our toxins. They aren't even the toxins of the realistic situation! The toxic playground we are at is the one we have filled up with our bitterness, jealousy, resentment, anger, etc... We choose it all day as a place to wallow as the inflamed accusations swell and pierce deeper. Our only goal at that point is a chronic state of selfishness where we make our bed in the stench and refuse to rise till the others change first!

Thinking only of ourselves and our comfort will always lead to tantrums, internal and external, conscious and unconscious. Kicking, yelling and flailing as we make sure that no one else around us can be happy either. "Suffer with me!", our gut screams! "Make my inconveniences go away! Make everything comfortable for me!" We become embedded in the quicksand of poisons spitting out cries for help. But our idea of relief and God's is very different!

It is a slippery slope into the evil behaviors of self-preservation. There are a few who dive straight in but most start with a dipping of the toe. Slowly, one dissatisfaction, one misunderstanding, one infraction, and before we know it we are over our heads in self-focused behavior. (I could go very, very deep into this subject touching on personalities and temperaments but I will leave that up to you. I will make recommendations at the bottom for books referrals.) God gave me an insight years ago that has helped me tremendously with handling my struggles with spiritual growth. He told me to always be aware of intensity and quantity. To ask myself on a regular basis if I am doing a bad behavior less and with less vigor. If we make ourselves aware of those two things we will see if we are growing spiritually or not. Do we do our selfish behaviors on a lower intensity level and less frequent? Do we see this pattern set on an upward trajectory? Then there is evidence of our surrender and the Spirit's work! All God asks is that we provide Him with a willing heart.

God is able and our growth would be exponentially faster if we would just let go of our pride and desire for control. I don't know about you but I have put way more energy into taking my stance than praying for a kinder heart and less self comfort. Most of us have a courtesy gate that we use and on the outside we appear to be so thoughtful and so Christian but it is what lies in our hearts that God cares about. In the book of Hosea 6:6, God says, "I don't want your sacrifices, I want your hearts!" (read Hosea ch.6 for full context). What does that mean for us?

Basically, God is saying that we should always start by looking not only in the mirror first but also even deeper, into our own hearts. Just as a mountain climber carries a pick and is always prepared to use it, we should always have God's Word poised and ready to wield as our sword to stop us instantly from sliding down the slippery slope of self. Let us all desire for our courtesies to be an overflow of our heart and not just a show for others as we are stewing inside.

From the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. Matthew 12;34b

Let your character speak for itself. (Mat 5:37, Jam 5:12)

Why do you see the speck in your brother's eye, but do not take notice of the log in your own?! Matthew 7:3

...the sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God... Ephesians 6:17

Book references:

The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman

The Four Temperaments, by Tim LaHaye

The DNA of Relationships, by Gary Smalley