Anything but...

Anything but…sitting at the Savior’s feet, being quiet as He speaks.

Anything but…trusting Him and resting in His plan, knowing fully that, “He can.”

Anything but…slowing down and keeping pace with Him, listening to hear, “Rest or begin…”

Why do I do anything but what I know He desires? Why do I run about when I know being still in His presence is where I belong? Why do I avoid the One who loves me and has plans to prosper me and not harm me? Why do I turn from Him and indulge in busyness? Why do I not trust Him with everything?

His love endures forever and there is nothing that can separate me from that divine love! He pursues me with love and never relents in that pursuit! The only way I will come to trust Him with all things is to begin trusting Him with some. It’s “my” heart that needs to see His faithfulness so that I can trust Him more. He is always faithful, compassionate and mighty and in His long-suffering He waits for me to run alongside of Him and take His hand. He is patient with me but will nettle my nest when needed. All He does…He does from love.

Run to Him when your thoughts are puzzled. Run to Him when your heart feels sad. Run to Him when you feel slighted. Run to Him when you feel bad.

Run toward, not away…from the Lover of your Soul. Sit with Him until His blessings flow. Those blessings come wrapped in joy but many more times in pain. Either way child…remain. Begin to choose “Anywhere but away from Him.” Don’t run where wisdom's light is dim. Choose “In His presence” to rest your soul and give to Him complete control. Anywhere but away from Him…now begin.

John 16:33, “In me…peace.”

Why do we try to fill our empty souls at every fountain but His? It's human nature to resist stillness and plunge forward in our own strength. Then, when we wear ourselves out we wonder why God would allow our sickness or weakness to disturb our busyness! Our nature is to empty ourselves then crawl in our deficit to the fountain of life to get filled just so we can go out again like lone wolves and wear ourselves out again! Jesus knew this and gave us wonderful wisdom to avoid this mad cycle..."Stay attached to the Vine! Stay attached to ME, your source of all you need! Make Jesus your flow-station, not your fill-up station.

Snowflakes

Since moving to Upstate New York I am enjoying the privilege of experiencing the snow again! I know it's different for me since I get to sit at home and view it through my window as I write while others are shoveling and driving in it but take a moment and see it through my eyes.  Although I lived in California for almost 40 years, my roots in the northeast are deeply embedded in me. I have wonderful memories of the snow from growing up here and now that I'm back in it, all those memories are filling my heart again! I'm an unusual breed of person that actually loves the cold weather and enjoys the snow. The cold makes swirlies in my cheeks that make me smile and I feel invigorated and jolly! I've always been like that and it's one of the few wonderful memories that I have from my youth.

I can recall feelings of joy and exhilaration from playing in the snow, skiing, skating, sledding, going to get our Christmas tree! I can still feel the happiness of opening the door at my parents’ house and embracing the chilly wool coats and cheeks of our relatives and friends who came to visit! My heart warms at the visions of walking in the snow down Park Avenue with my niece and going in and out of the scented shops along the way! The sides of my mouth curl up and a smile pops onto my face when I remember all the nights out with my girlfriends driving in snow storms but not being afraid because we were together, innocent and just simply laughing and living in the moment. And the nights looking out on freshly fallen snow and seeing colors that I knew only existed in God's palette and how that fascinated me! I would stare at the glistening snowflakes that looked like a lavender blanket of sparkling diamonds thrown across my lawn and a deep awareness that there was a heaven and it was beyond anything I knew would sweep over my soul. 

Being back here and experiencing the snow again has allowed God to add to my wonderful memories! Kissing the rosy, cold cheeks of my grand-children after they pound across my front porch stomping the snow from their boots. Seeing them poking their little red noses against the glass in my front door in anticipation of me coming around the corner and smiling from ear to ear with joy of their arrival! And laughing with my dear friend who moved here from California with us, just to have a new adventure, about how cold it is and we must be nuts for leaving the beach for this! But the most special of my new memories is a gift God gave me during the first falling of the snow. "Each one is different." is all He whispered to my heart. Then the Holy Spirit watered that seed and insights beyond my imagination blossomed from it!

I’m not sure I have the words to express the depth of God’s love that was revealed to me in that moment. I can simply say that He opened up a door and showed me how awesome He is! I realized beyond my ability to reason just how spectacular He is and that everything we have, from breath, procreation, photosynthesis, galaxies, human love and compassion…are all in and of Him! That profound thought spider-webbed out into a million revelations of His love! I felt overwhelmed by the truth that no person can count or account for every snowflake and its uniqueness. Only God designs and builds each human, each snowflake, each creature that roams the earth, flies in the air or swims in the deep. No two ever alike and not just different in physical appearance but down to the DNA and even deeper into what sets our talents and personalities apart! I saw even deeper things in that time with God, but put simply, He showed me a small portion of His majesty in a snowflake…all because I stopped for a moment and listened for Him.

Why do people fight Him. He is beauty, power, majesty, forgiveness, healing, love…. Yet they rejected Him and continue to do so.

Sit in your car a bit longer…turn off your t.v. for a bit…stare out your window more….settle into a calmness and a quietness that you tend to avoid. Be still….and know that He is God. (Psalm 46:10) 

Shame On You?

Shame is a secret that you keep with the enemy of your soul. It’s like a boil that festers and infects your spirit, never allowing it freedom to rest or heal. Do you have a habit that you’re ashamed of that makes you feel bad about yourself? That’s shame. Is there or was there someone in your life that you couldn’t help and you feel guilty about it? That’s shame. Have you gotten up in someone else’s business when it really wasn’t any of your business and caused a rift in the relationship that’s never been resolved? That’s shame.  Has someone hurt you and you’ve never gotten an apology or an admittance of guilt yet you feel bad and carry a sick feeling? That’s shame.

Shame is like being hooked up to an I.V. of poison that is slowly killing you. It not only kills your spirit but it has a myriad of physical ramifications also! We tuck our shame away deep in the recesses of our psyche because it doesn’t feel good to think about it and no person wants to feel bad. We think that if we hide it away or don’t acknowledge it that it will stay buried but it doesn’t. It festers and corrodes our hopes, our dreams and it holds us prisoner. How many of us live lives that are sick and weak because we let the fear of exposure hold us captive? Or maybe you enjoy playing the martyr and it allows you to spend your lifetime blaming others rather than taking personal steps toward healing your own spirit through the guidance of the Holy Spirit? How many of us choose to distract ourselves with hobbies or obsessions just so we don’t have to face the root problems? Is there any hope for us and our small thinking?

I believe that all of life comes down to two things, desire and choice. Saint Frances of Asisi made a choice in his prayer when he said, “Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love, where there is injury, pardon, where there is doubt, faith, where there is despair, hope, where there is darkness, light, where there is sadness, joy. O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console, not so much to be understood as to understand, not so much to be loved, as to love; for it is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, it is in dying that we awake to eternal life.”

If we treat ourselves with as much mercy as we would treat others, then our desire to be healed and whole will not be something we need to get from others but it will come from ourselves. Treating ourselves with kindness and concern sets us free rather than thinking  we need all that from others in order to have freedom. I believe that the mind-set of, “Someone else causes my pain.” is what holds us in a constant state of need and resentment. We must ask the Lord to be our all and desire only Him to be our salvation, freedom and source of healing. Our freedom will not come from someone else changing, but in our desire to change ourselves.

Healing is between God and us. It would be wonderful to get resolve and healing from those we have issues with but we can’t live a life of waiting. That’s a life of imprisonment. Our quest to be set free from shame is on our plate and Christ is present and willing to share that meal with us. We must pray for the courage to pull our shame from our dark closet and offer it before the Lord. If we are willing to realize that although others may cause us pain, it is ultimately our journey to sit alone with our Savior and break bread with Him, allowing His nourishment to heal our tattered spirits. His Holy Spirit is our source of healing and it will only be through God that we will be set free of our shame. As Saint Frances of Asisi said, “Lord, make “ME”…” not “Make others”.  It is time my brothers and sisters to take responsibility for our own shame and stop focusing on the shame of others. Healing comes only through quiet time with our Lord. We have to stop our busyness and start desiring that time at His feet. Shame makes us run from quiet because it is in that quiet that our fears are revealed and felt. The secret that the enemy keeps with you is a lie and we are falling for it! We are choosing to live lives of fear, shame and ineffectiveness rather than lives of freedom and joy all because we believe that our fears are bigger than our God! Choose now who you believe is bigger, more powerful and more compassionate! Is it satan or Jesus? Who desires freedom for you, satan or Jesus? Who wants you to experience joy, satan or Jesus? Which do you desire? Until we make that decision we will remain sick from the poison of shame.

Isaiah 41:10, “Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.”

Blaming others is just an excuse we use to remain in our shame. We proclaim that we are helpless to be joyful because “they” won’t set us free. Many times too, “we” are “they”. The prison door has been unlocked by Christ our Savior and it sits before us open.  We are free to leave….so why do we remain?

1 Peter 5:7, “Cast all your anxieties on Him because He cares for you.”

Isaiah 61:1-3, “The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, because the Lord has appointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to announce that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed. He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of the Lords favor has come, and with it, the day of God’s anger against their enemies. To all who mourn in Israel, He will give beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, praise instead of despair. For the Lord has planted them like strong and graceful oaks for His own glory!”

For whom do you live your life, for God’s glory or your own? Is your life all about “you” or all about “Him”?

I have to go now and take my own advice in these matters. This lesson is a tough one to dive into but I know it’s the right thing to do. Letting go of all my excuses is scary. This is going to be a process and I can only do it by abiding in Christ every step of the way. Make "ME" Lord....

New Season

Every day I see God in everything.

It’s been a month and a half since I moved from California to Upstate New York. The leaves have gone and bare branches now have their arms stretched out catching snowflakes. We’ve had snow storms, warm days, winds and fog. The deer have paraded their families then hid for days. I’ve seen fox shoot across the yard in a gallop and other days they stand and stare for the longest time. Some days the bird feeder outside the window is a local hotspot whereas other days all have flown the coop for fairer estates. Every day brings changes not only in my surroundings but in my heart and life.

I have suffered the pain of exhaustion and the peace of stillness while here. The flu has visited yet I know now that it will move on. Today I realized that I am not the same person that left California. My journey has crested the mountaintop for now and I feel the cool breeze and momentum of the downward ride. My hopelessness and sorrow have been cremated and from those ashes my spirit has risen. My mind is filled with assuredness and praise even when I see depression passing by my door. Everything is new and so much change brings anxiety but now it knows its place. Hope is the icing over my realities and it tastes so sweet.

Are there the old things waiting? Right there, but I don’t accept the ride anymore. My choices are clean and precise like praise over pain and gratitude rather than complaints. The cold feels refreshing and not lonely and my heart is above my body breathing in the air that I was deprived of for so long. Was it kept from me or did I choose not to breathe it? I don’t know except that I’m breathing it now and I feel alive. The stale, still presence of hopelessness is cleared and every cell is awash with refreshing hope! I love my new life. I love that the sadness has dissipated. Deep, deep within my soul I have joy and hope. For the first time I know He loves me! Shameless, guiltless and loved. All is well.

2 Corinthians 5:17 (NIV), Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

I don't know why things happen in our lives that don't make sense. I do know that we have a choice of how we will accept them as they come though. Most of my pain came not from my circumstances but from my fight against accepting them. It was never about God being mean or unfair....it was all about me not surrendering and trusting Him with everything. Now that I live in the middle of nature at its finest....I see more clearly now what it means to rest in our Creator.

Broken Branches

As I prayed this morning I praised God for all that He is. Loving, caring, full of grace and mercy, kind, strong, giving... then I thanked Him for all my blessings that are seen and unseen. As I entered His courts with praise I began to confess areas of my heart and life that I struggle with and He gave me a vision. I saw the effects of previous sins and how they bore bad fruit in my life now as an adult. Choices that I made as a young woman that have caused stains in my life that now have to be dealt with. God showed me that those bad choices need to be pruned off the tree of my soul. I asked the Holy Spirit to track my current struggles back to their roots and with my eyes closed I asked God to saw off those branches, cutting off the flow of my past sins. As I watched the branches fall to the ground I realized that their existence ended and the sin that flowed from them lost its power over my life.

Where in your life do you need to prune? What past choices are still flowing their sin into your life today? Did you at one point harbor a hatred toward someone and you let it stew till it turned to rage? Did you once make the choice to view pornography and that choice has spilled into a secret sin in your heart and life now? Is there a burning contempt that can still be triggered even by the innocent? Does your current impatience cause your loved ones to suffer a life of vexation? Then sit quietly and alone with your God and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal those areas. As they come to your consciousness hand God the saw and tell Him you want Him to cut those branches off. Visualize the flow of sin being cauterized at the root and watch the branches that have held you prisoner lay on the ground and wither. Embrace your new freedom and claim your victory! Freedom is only found in Christ and He is the only One that can set you free. You are what you hold on to.

Isaiah 40:27-31, O Israel, How can you say the Lord does not see your troubles? How can you say God refuses to hear your case? Have you never heard or understood? Don't you know that the Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of all the earth? He never grows faint or weary. No one can measure the depths of His understanding. He gives power to those who are tired and worn out, He offers strength to the weak. Even youths will become exhausted, and young men will give up.  But those who wait on the Lord will find new strength. They will fly high on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.

An Alternate Route

Grace is when God gives us good things even when we don't deserve them and mercy is when God doesn't give us what we actually deserve. As I've been packing up the house for this monumental move across country I have taken notice at how many blessings God has given me. Not just material blessings such as a roof over my head, a warm bed, hot water, food and drink....but unseen blessings that are not apparent to the eye but only to the keen heart. The Holy Spirit has been opening the eyes of my heart to all the thwarted attacks that could have happened but never did. I am finding myself full of gratitude to God for exactly what He has given me and for all the other things He has protected me from.

It may sound silly at first but if you ponder it you will realize all the tiny and big blessings that you have each day. We tend to only focus on what's happening and harbor a spirit of complaining for what we don't have rather than a thankful spirit for what we should be glad we didn't get! I find through the day as I begin to worry about something that might happen...I begin to turn my worry into praise that that actual worry hasn't happened! I find myself saying more and more, "Praise you Lord for Your goodness and Your protection. Whatever happens in my life happens in Your hand,Your grace will be sufficient for me because Your loving-kindness endures forever!" I know now that He loves me and His intentions are not to hurt me (Jeremiah 29:11). He is a good Father and seeks only that I grow up with a strong and fine character. He is the giver and taker of all things, He hears my prayers and my petitions but as I come to see His great love for me I understand that I must end those prayers with, "Your will though Father, not mine."

Slow down a bit today and set aside some time to ponder all the things that not only God has blessed you with but for all the things He is protecting you from! Psalm 100:4 says we are to enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise! Do you want to be in the presence of the most loving and forgiving entity ever to exist? Do you want to feel loved by the God who took on human form and came, walked among us and  died in our place then rose again so that we could have life eternal? Do you want to have your worries and shame washed away? Do you want peace? Then go sit alone with Him and just praise Him.

Psalm 103:1, Praise the Lord, O my soul...

Isaiah 61:3, ......a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. 

For Rain

It's cold and the rain is playing its song as it falls upon my garden. The sounds woke me slowly and played softly as background music to my dreams. Poetry filled me and spilled from me as my eyes wanted to open but refused. I wrote in my heart these words....

I have lived in the darkness of the shadows of my grief, too long. I choose now to step into the light, the light behind the shadows. I will let it lift me and comfort me, for I have been weak and so tired. The darkness made me sickly but the light will heal me. There is "wonderful" in my mind and it feels lovely and kind. I will choose praise over complaints, love over animosity, lightness over heaviness, laughter over tears. My longings shall be joy gleaned from goodness rather than sorrow swept up from despair, and my tattered soul will find repair. A smile, a smile rises from the deep and covers me and those around me. O, darkness, you cannot come where I am, I can only come to you....but I choose not to.

Although it is cold and raining today....I am warm and full of light. In my soul, it's raining "light".

Script from the Sky

The thought came to me like a bright exploding bolide. Its truth blinded me and shocked me at first but I knew it had to be. "Turn your life completely upside down, mix it up and trust God where the pieces fall!", the inner voice said to me. Alright, I'll take that challenge, I'll go forward boldly and not let fear stop me. Next thing I knew we had bought a house 3000 miles away.

Along this journey I have had numerous anxiety attacks and mini breakdowns. The physical exhaustion of packing, the grueling mental fatigue, not to mention the emotional currents all seemed at times to be too much to battle. Yet with each one I sought support from my Lord, my friends, my kids and my husband, and they all lifted me up, encouraged me and set me back on my path. I had allowed life to suffocate me, depress me and discourage me to the point where I just isolated myself from everything. I had become bitter, sad, fatalistic and joyless. Then, God sent the meteor into my soul and woke me up! I went from wanting to die to wanting to live!

God allows us to go through many things in life and His desire is to display His mighty love and power to us through those trials. Sadly, we choose so often to go our own way. We choose pity parties, selfishness, stubbornness, pride, anger, distractions, busyness, depression, discouragement.... We blind ourselves to His glory. Ephesians 3:20-21 states, "To Him (Jesus) who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory." WE MISS OUT ON SO MUCH BECAUSE WE CHOOSE DOUBT OVER TRUST! He is able. Are you able to trust Him? Are you able to choose "the good part"?

I chose the bad part for way to long but God being the Master Redeemer, used all my choices to teach me and mature me. He didn't waste one opportunity and never gave up on me. He believed in me when I didn't believe in Him. There will always be ups and downs in life but I believe God desires us to find a happy middle. A place where we acknowledge the pain but take joy in His love. A place where we look at the good in our life but feel empathy for and serve those who are down. A place where we find rest and peace in His presence even when a storm is raging around us. A place where we walk beside Him, not anxiously ahead or fearfully behind.

I'M CHOOSING TO LIVE and I'm so excited! As fears keep jumping in front of me and saying scary things about "the what ifs" in life, I just say, "Get out of my way cause I'm coming through!" Each time I do that, each time I think positive rather than negative, each time I choose life, my physical body heals. I was crippled and now I'm running (figuratively)! How sad that I let my mind and my fears rob me for so many years. That's the past though and I don't live there anymore! All that stinkin thinkin effected my health and it's amazing to me now that by just changing my thoughts and choosing life....I'm feeling wonderful and my heart is filled with hope!

Beloved, it says in Proverbs that a happy heart is like good medicine. Choose forgiveness, humility, joy and love over holding a grudge or believing that someone actually wins when there is a test of wills. It's all a waste of time and life. Let Christ into your heart and mind and let Him change you into His image. It's the only winning solution....trust me. We can't do it perfectly but we can desire it and work at it. My husband's brother who is "special in needs" lives with us and his upbeat, happy, funny and positive ways challenge me daily to get over the small stuff and just smile instead! I was terrified at first to become his full-time caregiver but now I can't imagine life without him. It's like having a life size teddy bear who is always happy, thoughtful and funny. Our fears are just doubts in action, so don't fuel them anymore. Choose your attitude wisely because your mind-frame will set the stage for your life's play!

Psalm 84:5-6, Blessed are those whose strength is in the Lord....As they pass through the Valley of Baca (the valley of weeping), they make it a place of springs.