Yoke of Slavery

In the book of Galatians, chapter 5, verse 1, it reads, "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." The past week has been monumental for me in regards to freedom. I have struggled for years with bouts of depression and have always felt like a helpless victim to it. I believed that it was a dark cloud that slowly creeped over me and there was nothing that I could do about. I tried medication but it made me feel very disconnected from my passions in life and it didn't help the depression either. I actually received more relief from changing my diet and being more steadfast in my relationship with Christ. Last week I turned fifty four and there was a big part of me that wanted to look back at those past years and think of them as a sad waste. But, God gave me a fantastic birthday gift this year and opened my mind to some new truths!

Last Thursday I was at bible study and one of the women there said something that changed me. She said, "Stop thinking like the Greeks. They would look at everything and wonder, "Where is the reasoning in that?" We must think like Gods people, like the Jews did, and ask instead, "Where can I see God in that?" I had been exhausting myself all my life with a deep rooted need to understand not only the things in my own life but also why there was so much pain and suffering in the entire globe! This week God reached into me and spoke to the deepest part of my psyche, bringing me an awakening of His fathomless love. He knew I was finally ready to hear it, that I had finally put my anger on His alter and wanted to sacrifice it to Him. I was willing to let Him change me.

We all have operating assumptions (OA) that we default to whenever we become perplexed. Someone may find themselves in a conversation where they might have to start taking responsibility for some of their actions so they would resort to their OA of responding with, "I don't know what to tell you! That's just the way I am!" or "I never do that! You're crazy!" and so on. This week the Holy Spirit shined a bright light on one of mine! Whenever a situation would happen where I felt uncertain, overwhelmed, discouraged, afraid....I would withdraw into depression so I wouldn't have to deal with it. It was also a safe zone for me to have a place to gather my thoughts and re-group for whatever was coming. Well, more of a not-so-safe-zone since it was a defense mechanism rather than a coping mechanism. Albeit, OA's can be a constructive, positive way of dealing with changes that are required of us or they can be destructive and negative, where they not only hurt us but those around us!

God showed me that I had to change my OA's or else I was doomed to a life of self victimization. I saw first hand how much God loves me and wants me free of ANY yoke of slavery! I had one of my worse storms of depression after this epiphany and it knocked me down at first but the Holy Spirit would not let the work He had begun in me to not be completed!(Phil 1:6). I felt it as it happened, He opened up areas of reality in my mind and for the first time, I got out of bed, stood up and said to myself, "I wonder what would happen if I didn't go into that depression? What if I didn't default to my old way?, so I pressed onward to see, and praise God, it wasn't the horror that I thought it would be! All those years the enemy (satan) had me believing the lie that it was too scary to face my fears. On the other side of that dark, creeky, cob-web covered door...........was light and hope and joy! I challenged my OA and found that the most frightening place was where I was holding myself prisoner, in my own fears.

What bars are you behind? People are living their lives with strongholds that are keeping them from all that God desires for them. Is your prison a sexual one, filled with pornography, unclean thoughts  or maybe infidelity and lies? Do you harbor fantasies that if exposed you would be humiliated? Some live lives of denial and never grow. Some are so angry that they have no peace and won't allow those around them any either. There are prison bars of secret abuse, alcohol, drugs, slothfulness, gluttony (how many of you use food as your drug?). We can be held captive by envy, jealousy, hatred toward others or self, unforgiveness, pride. Or, maybe you are a liar or live live in a prison of guilt and shame. I don't have to pick just one because I suffer with many and that's precisely why we need a Savior! If you don't think so then ponder for a moment on how many "things" or "people" that you idolize with your TIME all while you're ignoring the Lover of your soul, Jesus, who sacrificed His own life for you.

Matthew 11:29 reads, "Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." Compare that to all the junk we stuff our life and bodies with! Matthew 6:33....Seek first His kingdom and righteousness and all these other things will be given to you. God came for the sinners not the shiny! Bring your problems, your trash, your filth....to Him and He will honor that obedience with an outpouring of His boundless love, compassion and limitless power to help you to overcome anything! Stop living in the dark, the lies, the fears and go through that frightening door to find salvation, light, grace, mercy, healing and love. God wants you to be free of the yoke of slavery and He wants to have a relationship with you. If you want your religion to be a living relationship then say this prayer:

Father in heaven, You gave your precious Son's life up for me so that I could be free. Free from the bondage of the enemy, free from lingering strongholds, free from death. I want to invite your Son into my heart to be my Savior and into my life to be my Lord. I confess that I am a sinner and that no matter how good of a person I am, it is only by the spilt blood of Your Son that I can be saved. I don't want to be a slave to anything or anyone but You. Everything You did, all that You do and all that You are going to do are done in love and done for your children. Thank you for adopting me and making me Your own from this day forward. Amen

John 3:16, "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

There is no place too low for the Savior to bring love and light and show you the way out....if you would just ask Him.

A Prayer

Lord of all Creation,

Balance me today. Balance my thoughts, my desires, my cravings. Balance my responses, my reactions, my interactions. Lord, balance the heart within me from which all things flow and balance my mind, body and soul. You, O Lord, who holds the endless universe in perfect balance, who can suspend planets in mid-air and who tells the sea where to stop, balance me today.

Make Your will - my will, Your desires - my desires. Remind me all day that through Your Holy Spirit, anything that comes into my life has had to come through You first and that everything is a lesson to grow from. Let me not expect life to be easy but to know that it will be an interesting, fascinating and sometimes puzzling journey of joys and sorrows and that I will never walk it alone. Keep me mindful that every bad thing has goodness to be found in it, if we will only look for it. And, when our plans do not fit Your plan - bless me with peace that Your plan is best and that it is safe to follow You anywhere.

Our purpose here is not to be comfortable but to be comforting, not to be stuffed with empty "things" of this earth but to be content with whatever we have and to share it with others. Balance me today in every way, encourage me to release the things I covet, and desire above all that You alone fill my wanting hands and heart.

Make my day a prayer to you, so I am connected to You every moment. Let not my pride think that I can do anything apart from You. Give me a constant hunger in my heart to be satisfied and filled only by You and to recognize You as my full portion. Above all Lord, reveal and cement in my heart Your deep and committed love that you have for me. Make me ever thirsty for Your Word and Your presence in my life. Let noone and no thing rob me of Your gift of peace knowing that Your Holy Spirit has filled me and I am sealed by Him, the giver of all Your gifts. Give me Your wisdom generously to be able to stand in all hope of You.

You are my Redeemer, my Savior, Lover of my soul and my friend. May all those I pray for find You to be all those things to them also. Whatever shape each persons emptiness is - fill it perfectly Lord as only You can do. Whenever one of them is alone, worried or scared, let Your presence comfort them and assure them. Show the lost that You are the Way and that Your truth and light will guide them and give them hope. May our desire be to see You glorified in our lives. Amen

The Square

I did this painting to represent
that we can live our life in a box
or break it and turn it into a road
that can lead somewhere.

It's one of my favorite things that God does, He takes all my anxiety and frustration about things that are going on in my head, heart and life and He reveals His wisdom regarding it all through a t.v. show! He has been doing this a lot lately and the epiphanies have been mind blowing! Thoughts and feelings in my deepest recesses that I cannot figure out and are sources of great frustration to me, He brings into focus and clarity during a thirty minute show! Whoever says that God isn't rockin doesn't know Him!

We've been watching old re-runs of Cold Case recently and it's a really interesting show. They investigate a cold case but they show the characters in current and past venues as the story unfolds. The other night there was a story about these young boys that were abused at an orphanage. Their ward attendant would make them stand in this 2'x2' square marked out with tape on the floor to punish them for the actions of just one kid. They were forced to stand for hours on end and you can only imagine the physical and psychological damage it did to them! After the show ended and I layed in my bed, the Holy Spirit began to unfold layer after layer of memories out before me and connected them with this awful feeling of being in a 2'x2' square! This anger that has been deep inside me, that I kept burying, started to rise and I could now put names to the faces! There were many issues with faces now and I felt this kind of relief settle over me because I was beginning to understand.

In our lives there are people who push, people who nudge, some make suggestions, some scare us, others may encourage us, some convince us.....to get in that square. It's where "they" are comfortable having us NOT where we are happy or where God wants us to be. How many of us have allowed someone to coax us into a square that suits their needs more than ours? How many of us have or are doing that to others? I used to be a fighter, I mean in spirit, and I pushed back when I felt someone trying to box me into "their" comfort zone. I didn't go willingly into other people's agendas just to make "them" comfortable. Yet, as I grew up I fought it a little less and started to put the feelings of others before my own, which was not a smart thing. It's perfectly fine to have manners regarding others but we are not to surrender our boundaries to be replaced by some other persons lack of! Most of us humans have this silent agenda in life and that is to get everyone around us to be agreeable so that our life can be absent of pain. I went from an immature fighter to an immature victim and couldn't find my way to a healthy perspective. Then, I prayed, and God showed me this revelation!

"Be." Yes, that's the revelation. Be active, be aware, be respectful (to yourself and to others), be happy, be sad (when appropriate), be honest, forthright, firm, kind,.......But "Be" something! Don't let everyone else determine who and what you are to Be. We complain almost constantly about how others are affecting our lives and never realize that they are herding us into a 2'x2' square. As we allow them to affect our thoughts, feelings, actions, moods.....we are allowing them to corral us into what is comfortable for them and most assuredly not what is best for us. The time we could be spending on doing beautiful things is then spent expressing a complaining spirit! I'm not saying to fight everyone or to supress your feelings, I'm just saying to be aware of other peoples agendas, whether conscience or sub-conscience. And, don't forget to watch yourself carefully, because we all do it to someone!

I allowed others so much power over my life that I eventually faded to grey. I became discouraged and felt I had no control over anything so I just surrendered. I didn't have the strength to self-protect and it was just too exhausting to try and push back anymore. It's a long and complicated saga but what I'm really hoping is that YOU will take this revelation and use it as a flashlight in your own life and use it to shine outward too so that you can be more aware of the hidden agendas around you. God wants you to have joy, yet so many of us settle for lives filled with guilt and shame. There is a balance and a middle in life if we would just be honest with others and ourselves and stop letting fear rule in our hearts. We are afraid to be honest with someone because they could reject us if we draw firm boundaries with them. We fear embarassment to ourselves or fear embarrasing others. We fear failure, success, happiness, retaliation, change......Trust me, it is scarier where you are than where you want to go.

I discovered that by just taking some action steps that bettered my life and by allowing those new actions in my life to define my creative soul, I stepped out of the square and the influence and nudging of others sloughed off. I found freedom by choosing to "be" some things that were unique to me. I began to discover "me" again. I know that sounds like a cliche' but after years of being a daughter, sister, friend, girl-friend, wife, mother.....I lost "me". I had to learn how to "be" the new "me"! I began actively doing my art again, riding my bike, going for walks, going to the beach, to the mountains, writing, dancing (alone in my bedroom to Hit list), sending out cards again! I stepped out of the square that I had allowed myself to be nudged into and stretched my arms out wide. I took a deep breath and began to see with fresh eyes all the things I had hidden away. The things I loved to do and be. I'm not saying to go get a divorce or move your kids to an over-seas boarding school, I'm just saying to step out of the square and start "Be"ing  some of you again! Make a "Be" list and write down some of the things you used to do that made you, "you". Stop complaining and "Be"come a person that does things. Take a class, sit alone in a comfortable chair in a quiet room, read, swim, volunteer, be social, walk someones dog for them, bake, garden, join a choir.......Stop feeling guilty that you haven't given enough to your family! Teach those around you about the new "healthy boundaries" that you're implementing and tell them that you expect them to have respect for them! Be an example of a person who has peace and structure. Those around you will be better people for it. Do you want to be able or an enabler? For the love of God Be kind to yourself! Treat yourself with as much love as you do others! Stop letting "them" push you back into that square. You are an adult and you can make the decision to cut yourself a slice of the pie, sit, relax and enjoy it (literally or metaphorically). Read "The Pit and the Gate" post under archives on the side bar of this post for some boundary lessons.

So, while you're out there "Be"ing, remember to Be aware of how you are affecting others. Don't box your children, your spouse, friends, or whomever......so they can't Be who they were meant to be. Don't let your fears keep them from their full potential. Learn and teach good boundaries and allow the freedom from fear to open up pockets of individual creativity. Balance is a good thing. A balanced person is much more effective for God and the community! Be what you wish others would Be towards you. This revelation has brought me a new freedom and joy. I discovered though, that there was a small part of me that missed the power of complaining and blaming. But, the new freedom is so much better, so I'm choosing that, at least more often than not. You can't change anyone around you BUT you can change you. Go and Be.........

Psalm Twenty

Whom do you trust? Do you have a source for all you need or do you try to do life all on your own, resulting in fatigue, despair, exhaustion and loneliness? Do you have a living-breathing supporter that can be with you and give you victory in all things 24/7? Do you live with complete confidence and victory on a daily, moment by moment basis? In Psalm 20, King David says a blessing, a prayer, over himself and his troops, reminding them that they do have a conqueror who goes before them and they can have confidence that in and through their God there will be victory! Verse 1 says, "In your day of trouble, may the Lord be with you." That verse confirms what we all know to be true and that is, there will be trouble in our lives. I don't know about you but my answer is "yes", I do want the Lord to be with me. May you desire that also.

Verse 4, "May He grant you your heart's desire and fulfill all your plans!" Our prayer should always be that God would make His desires our desires. When we are in God's perfect will then all that we ask is good for us and He delights in giving to His children. It's when we think that we know what is best and we don't consider His wisdom as truth, that He can't bless our plans. If we walk behind Him then we are certainly afraid of trusting Him, if we walk ahead of Him then we put our own pride before God. He wants to walk through life "with" us, side by side, as our friend. May you desire that also.

As King David prayed....... I offer this prayer for me and you.....

Lord of all Creation,

Balance me today. Balance my thoughts, my desires, my cravings. Balance my responses, my reactions, my interactions. Lord, balance the heart within me from which all things flow and balance my mind, body and soul. You, O Lord, who holds the endless universe in perfect balance, who can suspend planets in mid-air and who tells the sea where to stop, balance me today.

Make Your will - my will, Your desires - my desires. Remind me all day that through Your Holy Spirit, anything that comes into my life has had to come through You first and that everything is a lesson to grow from. Let me not expect life to be easy but to know that it will be an interesting, fascinating and sometimes puzzling journey of joys and sorrows and that I will never walk it alone. Keep me mindful that every bad thing has goodness to be found in it, if we will only look for it. And, when our plans do not fit Your plan - bless me with peace that Your plan is best and that it is safe to follow You anywhere.

Our purpose here is not to be comfortable but to be comforting, not to be stuffed with empty "things" of this earth but to be content with whatever we have and to share it with others. Balance me today in every way, encourage me to release the things I covet, and desire above all that You alone fill my wanting hands and heart.

Make my day a prayer to you, so I am connected to You every moment. Let not my pride think that I can do anything apart from You. Give me a constant hunger in my heart to be satisfied and filled only by You and to recognize You as my full portion. Above all Lord, reveal and cement in my heart Your deep and committed love that you have for me. Make me ever thirsty for Your Word and Your presence in my life. Let noone and no thing rob me of Your gift of peace knowing that Your Holy Spirit has filled me and I am sealed by Him, the giver of all Your gifts. Give me Your wisdom generously to be able to stand in all hope of You.

You are my Redeemer, my Savior, Lover of my soul and my friend. May all those I pray for find You to be all those things to them also. Whatever shape each persons emptiness is - fill it perfectly Lord as only You can do. Whenever one of them is alone, worried or scared, let Your presence comfort them and assure them. Show the lost that You are the Way and that Your truth and light will guide them and give them hope. May our desire be to see You glorified in our lives. Amen

Psalm Nineteen

Psalm 19 is amazing! David the psalmist records his meditations to the God he loves and that loves him, proclaiming the evidence of the Creators greatness, creativity and love. Vs 1, "The heavens declare the glory of God, the skies proclaim the work of His hands." How many times have we seen a spectacular sunset, a misty and transforming sunrise awakening a new day? Think of the nights we have gazed at the stars, some even studying them and using them to guide them. The shade of a tree, the song of a bird, a cool breeze.....a mountain view, an eagle soaring, a rainbow. Those being the grandest, not to mention the thousands upon thousands of minute miracles that happen constantly around us daily such as the complex functions of our bodies, the eco-system's balance or the simple love of a pet. Nature sings of God's glory!

Verse 3 says, "There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard." meaning that God gave us nature to see His greatness and love in and no words or interpretation are needed for that story to be heard. Romans 1:19-20 reaffirms by saying, "....since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse." Then, in verse 4 of the 19th psalm, "Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the end of the world." God's Word asserts that no one can say that He doesn't exist because He is evident in all of creation!

The author then moves on to God's Word and what it means for us. Vs 7-11 (paraphrased), "The Lords law is perfect, it revives our soul, His statutes making wise the simple, His precepts bring joy to our hearts, His commands give light to our eyes, the fear of the Lord is pure, enduring forever and His ordinances are sure and altogether righteous!" Vs 10-11, "They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold; they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb. By them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward!" By being in God's Word we can have our souls revived, be wise, have joy in our hearts, see things clearly and have a healthy respect for God that in turn, shines out toward our neighbors and the world, whereas, they then see God in us!

Without first accepting that you do see God in everything, then, desiring His guidance through His Word, we most often find ourselves dissatisfied and unhappy. We have patterns of making wrong decisions and feeling tired and discouraged in our souls because of constant battles in our minds over regrets or trying to justify certain actions or behaviors that were wrong or inappropriate. My many years of growing up in the 70's without much supervision and trying to avoid God left me with large empty holes in my soul that have taken years to clean out and fill with what I should have filled them with in the first place, God! I lived with my mind believing lies about God, that all He wanted to do was take from me and I never knew about the goodness of how He wanted to give me lovely things and make me feel worthy and cherished! How can anyone feel loved by God or know all the goodness He has for us if we don't develop a friendship with Him? Spending time in prayer, in His Word, having fellowship with other believers.....that's how you get to know someone and what they're really all about. That's how you fall in love! God already loves you, so it's just a matter of you loving Him.

Verses 12-14 ring of truth and freedom to me, "Who can discern his errors? Forgive my hidden faults." Vs 13, "Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me. Then I will be blameless, innocent of great transgression." Vs 14, "May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer." Apart from desiring God and all that He desires for you, there is only lies that rob our joy and slavery that robs our freedoms! How much of your life has been in the repair shop rather than out enjoying life? How many more regrets and sorrows infiltrate your thoughts than do memories of good choices? Sure, there are people  who have not wandered in life too much but there are more of us that have walked the murky paths of regrets and are in desperate need of a Savior! God promises to take His soiled children, bathe us in His Son's sacrifice and forgiveness, clothe us in His righteousness and set our feet upon the Rock, which is Him!

Psalm 19 reminds us to look at everything as evidence of God's existence, to seek the truth about Him through His written Word and  to always find love at His feet through honest confession. He is real and He will always meet us wherever we are...simply because He loves us.

God is in the trees,
God is in the seas;
God is in the air,
God is everywhere.

God is in the miles,
God is in the smiles;
God is in each child,
God is everywhere.

If you don't see Him......it's because you don't want to. If you want to.....then go and see Him everywhere and in everything!

James 4:8, God says, "Draw near to Me and I will draw near to you."

Ahead

Ahead     A poem by Dee Hartmann

The darkness is lifting, the shadows are shifting;
I know there's light ahead.

My thoughts are rising, my soul feels surprising;
I know there's hope ahead.

The clouds will part, joyous songs will start.
Breath is here but life is there;
I know there's freedom ahead.

A calm will settle the storm, the sun will feel warm,
I know there's safety ahead.

My sad corner of fears, the burning of my tears, a crushed spirit for years,
I know there's joy ahead.

The clouds make us cherish the sun, the darkness to rejoice in the light;
A burning day welcomes the cool summer's night.

Tears give perspective to smiles, joy the sweet reminder of pain's past,
rush to rest allows us repose, and darkness of death, that earthy life doesn't last.

Whether sunrise or sunset lies ahead, a new spring or the falling of leaves,
it may be the clouds storming or a new life forming,
All are God's seeds.................Look ahead.

Open Heart, Open Arms, Open Doors

More often than not I have a hard time praying. Sure, I pray all day in my mind and it also seems if I am busy while I pray, it makes it easier too. My times of deep, on my knees prayer is always reserved for when I'm so overwhelmed, worn out and defeated, that falling to my face is the last and only option I have. I know that if I had a more steady prayer life then those times of feeling over burdened would be much less. I think sometimes that human nature makes us want to see how long we can go on our own power and in our own denial. A lot of factors play into the laxed prayer life, like busyness, selfishness, physical fatigue, illness, and even a "why bother?" attitude.

One of my first issues is prayer in the morning. I'm tired and praying doesn't wake me up, it makes me more tired! How can that be changed so that praying in the morning can be a rejuvenating experience rather than a snoozer? One thing is to put purpose in everything we do! We wouldn't build a business or a house without having a purpose and vision first. Prayer needs purpose and vision. Why are you praying? Really, why? Ask yourself if you really believe that God hears you and that He is going to do anything about it or are you just doing what you think is the right thing to do. Some people have become so tainted and angry at God that they pray because they know it's the right thing to do and they don't want to get God mad at them or give Him a reason to smite them, so they pray the empty prayers out of fear of hell or to maintain their ridiculous legal contract with God. That's legalism and it's a lie from the devil. We cannot earn God's love or approval, it's a free gift of love through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ!

Do you want your prayer life to be alive or dead? Do you want it to be a fountain or a swamp? If you're a reasonable person I'm sure you chose to have your prayer life be alive and flowing. Here are a few suggestions:

• Start by getting up a little bit earlier. I am not a morning person and hated this suggestion but I got up 15 minutes earlier and now I love it! I even get up earlier than that :) If you make the step out of your comfort zone, God will meet you there! James 4:8 says, Draw near to Me (God) and I will draw near to you.
• Have a plan. In the Lord's prayer, we are taught exactly how to pray. Did He intend for us to recite that exact prayer word for word? No. It is a format for us to follow. Begin your prayer with praise to the One and only God who gave His life for His children and loves unconditionally. Spend time focusing on His goodness and how it has been revealed in your life. His power, protection, direction, comfort, counsel, refuge, friendship......As you read your bible, take all the words that describe God and praise Him for being those things! Visualize Him being those things in your life and call to mind His faithfulness, kindness, concern......Simply praise Him for who He is! Secondly, be grateful for being able to have a sacred alter that is right there between you and the God of the universe. You do not need anyone between you and God. Close your eyes and let the Holy Spirit bring to your mind, anything that you need to confess. God will not take your prayers until you have offered them with clean hands and heart. Lay the things that lay on you upon the alter before Him, then, confess and repent. God wants you to lay your burdens down daily so that you can then go forth unhindered by your sin. Thirdly, thank Him for everything. Pour out thanks for all that God has done in your life. Can you see with your eyes? Thank Him! Can you feed yourself? Thank Him! Can you go to the bathroom on your own? Thank Him! Are you loved? Thank Him! Do you have kindness to give? Thank Him! Can you breath? Are you clothed? Do you have peace in your heart?.........Thank Him! Thank Him even for your trials because through them God works! This process of thankfulness prepares the heart for the final stage of prayer which is Petition and Intercession. Now that your heart has acknowledged God's loving character and faithful attributes and has been cleaned of hidden sin, and you have drenched yourself with gratitude for His blessings in all things, you can now bring your concerns before him. Matthew 6:9, This, then, is how you should pray.....
• Know that prayer is a two way conversation! If we feel alone and repetitive then we loose our desire to do it. We need fresh prayer not stale prayer! Once I get past the initial, "I don't feel like doing this." thought or comment, (Which happens to be the same thing I say before going in the gym, the dentist, grocery shopping....), I find I don't want to be anywhere else. I read my bible and let His Living Word speak to me, I let His Holy Spirit move me and guide my thoughts, I've learned to talk to Him as if He's sitting right there. I act like myself because I now understand His fathomless love that He lavishes on me! He loves my laugh, my weaknesses, my quirks and my tearful or joyful eyes. He loves my voice when I sing to Him even though I sound like one of the out-takes from American Idol and He loves me even when I've done wrong and feel shameful. Often times I'll put my head down and picture it on His lap or shoulder. There are times when I've worn myself out to the point that He just wants me to rest in Him so I can wake up refreshed and spend time giving Him thanks and having a new attitude toward my loved ones! Prayer is not about asking God for stuff, it's about being in His presence and trusting Him with our needs. God has a voice you know, it's very gentle and full of love and He wants you to hear it. Psalm 46:10, Be still and know that I am God.
• Listen to praise music before and after to soften and strengthen your spirit. Listen to it in your car, your house.....Learn the words and keep them in your heart like a treasure that makes you rich inside!
• Worship God in everything you do. Every time you are kind to someone, that is worship. whenever you serve someone, that is worship. Each thought or mention of God's love, that is worship. Every meal you make, toilet you clean, snack you bring, call of concern you make.....that is worship! Even taking care of yourself by resting, eating right, exercising.....that is worship! Psalm 95:6-7, Come, let us bow down and worship, let us kneel before the Lord our Maker; for He is our God and we are the people of His pasture, the flock under His care. James 1:22, Be a doer of God's Word...
• Be accountable to a complaining spirit and tongue. We will be well on our way to a vibrant prayer life and life in general if we can begin to see life from the vantage point of gratitude. I've started a new habit of whenever I find myself complaining I make my self think of five things that could be worse! It refocuses me on the truth and puts my mind in an attitude of gratitude! I tried to not complain once by putting a rubber band on my wrist and snapping myself at every complaint. It lasted about 30 minutes before I was fed up with the idea because my wrist hurt! That experiment left an indelible image in my mind of the state of our hearts when they are not being held captive to God's authority! Isaiah 35:10b, Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away. James 1:2a, Consider it all joy....
• Pray believing. It is imperative to believe what God promises, but you can't wing it! If you are not reading your bible then you are an open target for deception and false emotion! Do you stand on the rock of God's Word or are you flailing and being tossed about by the waves of emotion? Right now would be a good time to determine this and make sure that you are on the solid rock of Jesus Christ. Once you do that, then it's important to be sure that your heart believes in the love of God no matter what the circumstance! You must know He loves you and that there's nothing that happens that He is not in it with you and already knows what your lesson will be. He has it written in stone that your situation will work out for good, according to his will. We may not understand some outcomes but we must know that He does and He knows what's best. Romans 8:28, And we know, that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. James 1:6, When you ask, you must believe and not doubt.
•  Desire to be like Jesus. Life's purpose is about transforming us to Christ's image! If your heartfelt desire is to be transformed into the likeness of Jesus then you will come to see that everything that happens in your life is in His loving hands and has specific purpose. We are here on this earth, not to get all we want but to be made into the image of God. It takes the heavy blows of the sculptor to create his carved images and the fire of the blacksmith to mold the metal. Life is not easy, it never will be, but the good far outweighs the bad and it is through all of it that others begin to see God in and through our lives. Pray with a desire to be less selfish and more Christ-like, more giving than taking, more loving than despising, more gracious than demanding. Romans 8:29a, For those God foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son. 

Your prayers can be alive and vibrant if you release all the fear of God punishing you that is in your mind. I have given so much over to God and desire to continue to do so, but, I have to admit that I have a very hard time handing my grand-children over to Him. This world is so evil and the things that happen to children in this wicked world are beyond my ability to cope. I have this deep fear that God will allow something horrible to happen to one of them and then want me to see purpose in that! I hate even thinking about it! But, you know what? That unconfessed fear holds me in a prayerless prison! I sometimes avoid God and live a life on the run as far as prayer goes. My mind thinks, "Don't stop, keep busy and nothing bad will happen!" That's not peace and power from God! That's torture and imprisonment from God's enemy! I don't know what life holds, but I do know who holds my life. My grand-children are safer in my prayers than they are in my lack thereof. My denial protects no one. Fear of pain, the future, disappointment....are all tactics the enemy uses to separate us from God. Prayer is like water on the fire of fears. Are you smoldering or ablaze with those lies from the enemy that keep you in fear and ineffective in your prayer life? Claim God's promises and live in their truth and blessings!

Prayers are not just for situations, but are for internal blessings such as strength, sustaining grace, peace.....  God does not want us to be held captive to  fears that will only paralyze us and make us ineffective to do the work He calls us to do. Satan uses that fear to keep us away from God and that is why prayer is so important! We need our prayers and others need our prayers too! You don't have to pray for every detail every day. That's repetition and legalism. Everyday take time to be alone with God, read some of His Word, (He may speak to you in one word, one sentence, a paragraph, a chapter....whatever the length doesn't matter), Praise Him for who and what He is, unload your heart before Him in confession and repentance, give thanks for all things and then lay your prayers before Him, trusting Him and believing that He will handle all of it. Praise of His power, might and love. Confession of our fears, faults and frailties. Gratitude for our uncountable blessings! And, the privilege to stand before the King of all peoples and things and just talk with God as one of His children! Prayer is a gift and a privilege that we should honor and protect. The world takes it away from us piece by piece, from our schools, our government.... and our gift will one day disappear. Respect the gift and exercise it. Avoiding God just makes us feel bad but when we boldly approach the throne of grace and spend time with the lover of our soul, we can then go through our day with peace and confidence!

Along with God's Word, make prayer your water and bread and He will satisfy all your needs.

"Pray" for a good prayer life :)

Try writing your prayers and thoughts. That's what works best for me. I record on paper all the things that God reveals to me through His Word and the Holy Spirit! It's taken me years though to accept God's love for me. Now that I have accepted that, every other aspect of my life has begun to take a new direction toward truth and peace. He loves you, spend time with Him, you'll be grateful for the new found freedom.

Philippians 4:6-7, Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Isaiah 26:3-4 & Isaiah 45:3-4, "I (God) have carried you since your birth....I will continue to be with you and sustain you, even when you have grey hairs. I will always carry you; I will always sustain you; I will always rescue you. Keep your mind focused on Me and I will keep you in perfect peace."

Number 6:24-27, "I will bless you and keep you. I will make My face to shine upon you and be gracious to you, I will turn My face toward you and give you peace.

All we will ever need...is just one prayer away, if we pray the way He taught us.

You've Been Erased

There's an old movie with Arnold Swartzenegger called, Eraser. He plays a government enigma that silently and stealthily makes innocent people disappear so that they won't be harmed by those who are seeking to silence them from witnessing against them in court. At the close of the movie, Arnold wipes out the evil and greedy men and then says, "You've been erased."

As I stared out the car window and watched life disappearing through my rear view mirror, those words came into my head, "You've been erased." I had just left the new facility where my dear friend and adopted mom has been placed. She didn't know who I was, and her sweet face just showed an expression of, "I don't know who you are but you seem to be a nice person." My heart was in my throat as it still is at every thought of her. I've had so much loss in my life that it sickens me and I am devastated at this. The sorrow and grief is lodged in my chest and gut, and I have a constant stinging in my eyes from seeping tears that are either falling or being held back. I feel paralyzed, abandoned, homeless and terrified. She was the only mom I really knew and not only has her mind been erased by Alzheimer's, but I feel erased too.

Lu and I became friends as soon as we met! I was the mother of her first grand-son and I'm sure at first she thought she had better please me or I could take him away from her. But, soon we both found that there were no hidden agenda's and we posed no threat whatsoever to each other. We just liked and respected each other and in one another we found a kindred spirit. I, the daughter she never had, and her, the mom I so desperately wanted. Ever since my mother's debilitating stroke and death when I was very young, I began growing a cynical, trustless and angry heart within me that kept everyone at a safe distance so they couldn't hurt me. Lu and I formed a special bond because we allowed the other one to enter our walls and a love and trust was built. She was the mother of my son's father, who wasn't exactly in good standings with me but regardless of that situation, she carved out a place in her life and heart for me and loved me there. She became my mom.

My friendship and bond with Lu was the most treasured part of my life. I know that may sound strange since I had a husband, son, daughter in law, grandchildren, sisters, friends, but what I had with Lu was my core. It held me up so I could do all my other relationships. She taught me how to be a mother, a wife and a woman. She taught me almost everything about life and I mean that! Her home was home for me and I don't know if anyone can understand this but I didn't have a safe place to go. Sure, I had my home with my husband but there's no place like the home of a loving mom in which you can run to and find support and unconditional love! Lu was the type that would defend you till death, always on your side and unwavering in her love.

I would drive up the coast to Lu and Barney's house in Orcutt, California with such anticipation of the love I was going to get and give. For almost 30 years that has been my earthly refuge for my mind, body and soul. It would all start with just the knowledge that I was going to be going up there! Then the great drive with my son, and eventually just by myself after he had grown, along the ocean with it's sea scents, visuals, dolphins.....then through the tunnel, honking our car horn every time just as my mom did when I was a child! Emerging out of the tunnel to climb uphill toward the beautiful country that looked so much like the old "Bonanza" show with its rolling hills spotted with trees, cattle, horses and breath taking vistas. Every time of day unveiled new shadows, lighting and scenes just as each season brought it's unique scents and feelings. Spring would waif through the windows with the scent of mustard flowers and sage and autumn was when Lu loved to drive me around the back roads through the vineyards. Blackbirds rising in dark wind blown smokey ballets over the vines, dry leaves racing across the road behind our car and us telling stories, jokes, dreams and tales of alter egos. We would stop roadside and run down into the creeks to cut cat tails to decorate our houses and as sure as dragon flies love sparkly things, Lu would stop, pick up some small rock, look at it and say, "Here, I got this for you." :) Then we'd jump in the car and take off like bandits.

We would peruse all the antique stores and thrift shops searching for small treasures while she taught me all there was to know about everything from hair savers to frying pans. Her deep south accent and gritty southern quotes were things from a Mark Twain novel. My memories of her run so deep, so high, so far and so wide that it would take volumes to contain and I'm not sure I want them pored out of my heart just yet. I want to tell of the great gift I was given but I'm afraid that by spilling it out it will be gone, erased.  I miss you Lula, I miss you so much that I'm aching like I've never ached before. I miss pulling in your driveway, I miss my bedroom, I miss sitting in your elegant bathroom on the floor talking, I miss laying in bed on our tummies with our feet up in the air and laughing. I miss you tooting and then opening the bedroom window and saying, "Did you here that? I am so sick of that neighbor fartin like that!". I miss brushing your hair and snuggling as we watched the news before bed and how grandpa would have to get me up to go to my room. I miss, I miss, I miss......I miss you, I miss you, I miss you.......So, for now that is all I'll give the world of what we had and I will keep my memories locked inside my mind and heart until the day comes when the One who erases comes for my treasures too. I miss you Lu. I'm homeless and I don't know how I'm going to do it without you.