God Doesn't Blink

God is not a genie, he's a trainer. Do you ask your trainer at the gym to just make you strong, healthy and fit without the work out? Would a warrior just run into battle without learning the skills of the sword? Do people become professionals such as doctors or nurses by just winging it? No, they commit themselves to years of training. So, why do you ask God to just blink and deliver you when you're sick or weak? He is a spiritual trainer not a genie in a bottle that gets you over your problems. The process is where the lessons and growth are learned and exercised. God wants to get you through your trials not over them. Athletes do not wish for strength, they train and sweat for hours upon hours, years upon years.

Maybe your health problems are a result of stress, where you can make lifestyle changes in your management of emotions and time. Possibly, they are from an accident which left you disabled, maybe your mind needs a work out plan where you train your inner voice to speak more positive with hopeful thoughts rather than thoughts of defeat. Many people suffer physical maladies and the way to healing is in a diet change or exercise plan. It will always be THROUGH our issue that we find freedom and build character, strength and courage. God never delivers us from a lesson but he walks with us through it. He is right there to encourage us as he trains us for our purpose.

Pulling ourselves up by the boot-straps sometimes proves to be unsurmountable and we fall into depression which only exacerbates our helplessness. How do we rise up when we FEEL so overwhelmed? When it seems like God is not there. When we can't hear his voice. Well, there is actually a story in the bible that tells us exactly where God is when we are feeling afraid and alone. It's in the book of Song of Songs in the old testament. In chapter 2, verse 14, the Shulamite maiden and her lover are calling out to each other with cries of deep love. In verse 14 her lover calls to her, "My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding places of the mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice  is sweet and your face is lovely." In this allegory it is said that we are the maiden and Christ is our lover. Similar to the new testament where we are the bride and he is our groom. Notice that he is calling out to her and asking her to trust in his voice and to follow it. He longs to see her face and hear her voice.

The cleft in the rock can represent many things but as I see it (and this is only my interpretation) the maiden is calling for her lover to come to her. She has found a comfortable and safe spot in the cleft of the rock from which to coo. However, her lover calls to her and encourages her to leave her spot of safety. He's not coming to get her, he is calling her to come to him. Now, if you can imagine a cleft in the side of a rock mountain similar to the ones you see goats balancing on! It would be terrifying to step out of there and try to scale the ledges. I would compare it to us having to leave our comfort zones to follow the voice of Christ. Our comfort zones could be our sick beds, our complaining, excuses, blaming, distractions... But our Lord is calling us out. He wants us to trust and follow his voice, to scale our mountains of fear and go to a higher place. Each victory though, leads us to the next challenge and then, to even higher places.

So, my friends, I encourage you to ask God to call for you, seek his face and he will be with you every step of the way. In my personal experience I have displayed stubbornness, pity parties, whining... anything to keep me in my comfort spot. God however, loves me too much to leave me there so he keeps calling and calling till I reluctantly rise up and finally ask him what he wants. Everytime, he tells me that he wants me to come to him. He wants to see my lovely face and hear my sweet voice. He reminds me of how long it's been since we sat together while talking, laughing or crying. I can't help but rise and follow his voice. You ask exactly how I do that? I get up, wash my face and open my bible and devotional. I draw near to him in any way that I can and most times he energizes me to do even more. Each effort on my part is matched with his power. I have to admit that there are some days (because of my health issues) that I can barely rise but it is at those times that he sits with me while I rest in him. I've given up on continuity in my life-style. The depression of set-backs because of my limitations proved to be too discouraging. So, I rise each day never knowing what I will be able to do but one thing I know for sure is that my God will be there. 

Habakkuk 3:19, "The Lord God is my strength, and he will make my feet like hinds' feet, and he will make me to walk upon mine high places."

Reading source: Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard

Rescued

I shared a lot of personal things and at the end God spoke through his Spirit and it is powerful! I'm not going to spell check or edit this because the writing of it has left me exhausted. God be with you. 

As I sat weeping uncontrollably while watching a show on tv, my heart was angrily speaking to my mind. "Where was God when I was being assaulted!" Of course this girl on tv was going to be rescued but that's not real life! In real life horrible things happen. While I was basically screaming at God and wallowing in my stronghold of worthlessness I felt the warmth of the Holy Spirit begin to consume and cover me. His voice which was strong yet warm and loving began to speak to me. But first, let me catch you up on how I ended up with the scars that held me in bondage.

Years ago when I was younger there were five events that happened to me that ensured me that I was of no worth. These happened after the loss of my mother which devastated me and started that voice within me that told me I wasn't worth living for. I've been a child of God ever since my young twenties but in my youth I always straddled the fence of worldliness and righteousness through Christ. My disobedience led me to places I should not have been but on the other hand wickedness also comes to find you. Below are the defining events. I'm going to skip a lot of detail because this is a blog post not a book.

I remember the first event when a group of boys chased me down and pinned me to the ground. They began to take my pants off and I recall feeling so helpless. My friend was screaming at them and I don't know what happened but they released me and dispersed. The second event took place at an outdoor mall. A gang of boys picked me up by my legs and arms and carried me the entire length of the mall while I screamed and struggled for help. There were people and couples with children that just watched but no one helped me. My friend kept yelling at them to let me go but they took me in the ally behind the store and pinned me against the wall. They were a motley crew that we called "The gutter gang" and as they began to take my pants off someone in their group but standing back further  said, "That's enough, stop." They released me and my friend and I ran. The third time took place when I was leaving my job as a bar waitress. It was about 3 am in the morning and as I got into my car a man entered the passenger door. He instructed me to drive and soon arrived at a big mansion in the city. He took my keys and entered the house. I could see that he put the keys in his coat pocket and through the big front window he put the coat in a trunk behind the couch and then went into a door and closed it. I ran into the house and retrieved the keys and ran back out. He came out of the door moments later, naked and confident and saw that I was in my car. He motioned to me that he had my keys but I held them up and I drove away quickly. The fourth episode happened when I went on a trip with a new boyfriend to a cabin up in the mountains. He turned out to be a sociopath and needless to say he tormented me, hurt me badly and threatened my life over and over. It went on for three days until he threw me out of the car at a bus station in a very dangerous place in the middle of nowhere and hundreds of miles from home. The fifth time happened when I was in my 30's. I was gardening in my yard one morning before I had to go to an appointment. I noticed a man lurking in the ally and he was still there over an hour later. I had to leave the house so I pre-planned to open the garage door and get into my car fast and lock the door just in case he was dangerous. I'm so glad that I did that because as I opened the garage door he came bolting into my garage and as I locked the door he was putting his hand on the door handle. We caught eyes and he exited the garage. I pulled out and called the police but he was gone when they arrived.

    It was only a year later that I was hit by a tidal wave of emotions that took me down. They say that's how it happens. You survive a trauma and at some unexpected time, years later it hits! All the memories and emotions flood your brain which sends a signal to your body that you are overwhelmed and consumed with fear. You start to shake, sweat, cry and your world spins out of control. I started therapy and over the years I learned ways to protect myself and still be able to function in life. It took a long time but slowly I healed in many areas and was able to recover to a point. No one really understood the fear, abandonment and torment that I lived with everyday. I looked normal on the outside but I was a terrified child inside. I covered those emotions with alcohol and anxiety for many years which of course resulted in a myriad of health problems. Each year I would heal a little more as I lived a healthier life-style and continued in counseling. I also immersed myself in Jesus and I began to become a woman who was strong in her faith. God and I have been through a lot together. My pain was his way into my heart.

So, as I mentioned at the beginning of this post I was watching a show and it was stirring up an anger deep with me. My old inner voice showed up and was telling me that I wasn't worth saving and that God had abandoned me. We all know that voice right? That self-deprecating voice that rears its ugly head when we are feeling weak. That is the voice of the enemy and as the bible says, he seeks to devour and destroy. But, Gods voice is greater and more powerful! As I sat there weeping and blaming God for not rescuing me during those terrifying times I began to hear a voice within me rising up. If you're not familiar with the book of Job in the bible when God says to Job, "Now listen to me." then you HAVE TO read it (Job chapter 38-42) WOWZER! This voice is the Spirit of the ONE TRUE LIVING GOD and it's speaking to me while I'm in one of my darkest places. It was a Psalm 42:7 moment for me when Deep called unto deep and His waves and billows rushed over me. God spoke and this is what he said, "Why did those boys let you go? Because I rescued you. Why did that gang release you? Because I rescued you. Why did you escape that mansion? Because I rescued you. Why did you survive at that cabin, in the dark desert where you were thrown out and at the dangerous bus station where evil was all around? Because I rescued you. Why did the man looking for prey not get you? Because I rescued you. I have rescued you even when you didn't know that danger was near. I have rescued you even when you went against my will and direction. I have never left you or forsaken you. I have been and always will be with you. There is no place that you can go that is beyond my love for you, even unto death. Do you think I am not there when my precious children are ravaged by the evils of this world? Do you think that even when they are killed that I am not there to rescue their souls and usher them home? I enter the most dangerous places and I rescue every soul. I meet with them as they are perishing and when they gaze into my eyes of love they give themselves to me and I take them in my arms. I rescue the lost, the broken, the overwhelmed and the tired. My love transcends any love that you know. I rescued you, I will continue to rescue you until we break bread together in heaven. You were not alone, you will never be alone. I am in the hottest fire, the deepest sea and the most sinful places. My Father sent me to walk into the crack houses, the homes of rage and abuse... I can see each soul, not as they are but for who they can be in me. You may not be able to see how my love works but I'm asking you to trust and believe that it is boundless. Read My Word, Know My Word and Live My Word. Now go, and tell someone about this free gift of love.

John 3:16, "For God so loved the world (YOU) that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.

Romans 8:31-39, Jeremiah 29:11-14, Hebrews 13:5, Deuteronomy 31:6

The Tree

  An Allegory  

    It's the deep of winter here in the northeast when all of life turns to black and white. Most days are dreary and spent inside. Where did all the colors go? The flowers, birds, sunshine, picnics and gatherings seem like lost memories buried deep under the frozen ground like graves. Our front doors are like prison gates as the frigid winds lurk just outside like guards keeping us locked in. The tedium and mundane play like a record stuck in a groove, over and over. Newness and creativity seem to ebb and flow depending on our mindsets or energy levels. All of life somehow hangs on to a frayed string of hope that this too shall pass and we will feel warmth and energy again. Where is God?

    I saw him in a tree yesterday. He stood there stripped of all his luscious leaves. The birds had abandoned him and only the woodpecker stayed to chip away at his carcass. Surrounded by frozen ice he sat alone on a bleak hill. I asked him, "Why aren't you showing your glory? We need to see your majesty! You seem to be worn down just like us! Where is your power and might?" As I stood there presuming only silence as a response, I heard him.

    "Oh, child I AM here. Just as I appeared on the cross that gloomy day at Golgotha. Stripped of my luscious purple robe of majesty, the world appeared to have gone black and white. My friends and followers abandoned me and only my enemies stayed to pick at my carcass. Surrounded by frozen hearts I hung alone on that bleak hill. There was no way out and the guards made sure that the nails kept me prisoner. Darkness fell over the land and upon me was heaped the sins of the world. Even my Father had to look away.               I gave you that day at Calvary to remind you that even though the branches are bare and the fig tree produces no fruit, I AM alive in the darkness. Inside this tree that you are staring at is an intricate plan. It may look defeated to you but to me I AM working. Nothing is dead, nothing is out-of-control! The DNA of all living things is conducted by me. I have written the symphony that it will play, the steps it will dance and the songs it will sing. I will unveil the warmth of the sun and push forth blossoms. I will send the honeybees to do their work and the birds will build their nests with no worry. The ants will never tarry, the fox will hunt and the sun and moon will rise and set as I have commanded them. There is not even a stone that sits where I do not tell it to. The snow caps will melt bringing glacial milk to the valleys where your crops will grow and fresh waters will flow. I AM right here my child and there is nothing that can change that"

    As I stood in wonderous awe I could now see that the tree that appeared dead to me was working furiously within its DNA. At a microscopic level God's love and purpose was alive and fierce in its purpose. The epiphany that God is not dead in our darkness blew light into my spirit and life into my soul. "I AM here, he told me. No season, no challenge, no temporary defeat, no depression, no sickness... can extinguish me. I AM the light and life forever more. NEVER FORGET that that dark day at Calvary, when the tree appeared dead was only the gateway to the day of resurrection. You may suffer for a short time but I PROMISE you that after every darkness there will come the day of light. There is no power in heaven or on earth that can keep me from shining my light on you so you can rise from the cold earth and blossom. Don't ever confuse stillness for ineffectiveness for most of my work is done in silence. Never presume me unable or distant. The tomb cloth will soon be removed and I will place the robe of righteousness, my righteousness upon you. Your winter is coming to an end."

1 Peter 5:10, "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered for a little while, he himself will restore, support and strengthen you."

    God has put in us, through His Spirit, a DNA that belongs to Him. He is interwoven into you literally. Nothing can separate that. Where ever you are, He is alive and working IN you. The tree that appears dead and lifeless is hard at work inside planning for spring.