There have been some issues happening in my life lately that have been making me take a closer look at my heart. Not just my heart but the hearts of others too. These thoughts began coming together yesterday as I viewed a video on Facebook of an out of control woman who freaked out because she couldn't get her chicken McNuggets! Her reaction to the failed request was to fight! Yet, the cashiers response was to protect herself and the managers reaction was to call for assistance. The entire scene made me see so clearly that each of us, depending on the conditions and the posture of our hearts, can be stirred to some level of disturbance and reaction.
What is the condition of our heart? When attacked verbally do we fight back, flee or love? Fighting back is a figurative punch to the opponent to defend our self and to gain the upper hand. We shoot our attacks and feelings of injustice like bullets at their heart. Most likely they are shooting back in order to obtain some control in the confrontation. The heat of the moment becomes a battlefield where all bets are off. Every unspoken feeling is now ammunition in the fight for power. Both have taken the gloves off and damage is the only result!
In another battle strategy, there will be the fighter and then the one who flees. The more aggressive of the two is usually the one being driven by angry or insecure emotions. They will overpower with aggressive gestures that make them look larger. Their voice will take on a tone of mean-spirited sarcasm and they will hurl accusations of blame. They roar so that their victim will cower and be rendered unable to protect themselves. Their sentences begin with words like, "My!", "Mine!", "I, I, I...", "You did...", "You said..." This technique is like a bull kicking up dust, the bullish person creates such a confusing dust storm that they do all the lambasting and then abruptly exit the encounter so as to not have to hear any criticisms of them self.
Passive aggressiveness is another battle plan where someone will punish others with non-aggressive techniques. These actions cause discomfort or pain to their target but allows the agitator to say things such as, "I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't do anything." They reap a sadistic pleasure from toying with their enemy. They believe they can escape any accountability with false naivety. They control those around them with an invisible switch and it's a most effective tool because it keeps the affected one quite confused.
Another tactic is the fight of the co-dependant. They have an internal delight that someone even cares enough for them to engage them in their life and drama. They live for the attention so they feed the negative behavior. Their fight is usually one of appeasement and they will keep the nonsense going just so they have a purpose.
The fifth example is the drama king or queen. They carry a legacy as far back as childhood as being the squeaky wheel in the family. They turn everything into drama and discord which in turn puts all energy and attention on them. Not good energy but negative, destructive and exhausting energy that saps the entire family. These people become indignant that anyone could have the audacity to challenge their demands and feelings! They seem to have this rebellion in their DNA and bring it along as their companion through life. It affects every relationship and situation with unrelenting issues of how others are to blame for everything bad in their life. No one can ever please them and they are not happy until they have stirred the pot with their entitlement.
Then, there is the rarest of all opponents which is the one who loves their enemies. That is the hardest of positions to take because it requires humility and surrender to the God that must work His love through them. This person takes very seriously the command from God, to love their neighbor as them self. This is not a doormat type of person. In a mature state, this type of person sees the pain and hurt in their accuser and chooses to love their brokenness and see them for who they could be. The one who loves has maturity, boundaries, patience, humility and wisdom. They still feel the pain of the attack but they are not ruled by their emotions. They feel for the accuser and desire better for them. There is a sincere plea and intercession put before God for them and their healing.
No one enjoys criticism because it's painful and exposing. It requires humility, change and growth which are things most people run from. I have been all of these types throughout my life. In retrospect I see the times when I was an aggressive fighter as periods in my life when I was frightened and trying to protect my vulnerable heart. Praise God for people who were lovers that cared for me, were honest with me, prayed for me and had the patience to teach me new ways! I took their honest assessment of some of my behaviors and surrendered that pain and truth before God and He changed me. It hurt and it was hard at first but I would not change that process.
The years I fled from attacks were years when I was so broken that any harsh gesture would have crush me into a million pieces! Although fleeing isn't the answer either, it was better than being aggressive and mean. It gave me a new perspective and I was able to see this whole issue from many other vantage points. Perspective and insight coupled with humility and God's love gave me the fighting chance I needed to become less of the old me and more of the new me! I'm growing from the weak mindset of being a victim into a new paradigm of being a woman of God!
My friends, whatever we speak and act like is an over-flow from our hearts. It is a heart change that we need in order to grow and only a willing and teachable heart can facilitate that. We will all flow in and out of our different reactions throughout our life but our goal should be to grow in a desire to be more Christ-like. How beautiful His character is and His expressions of love toward us even when we're acting ugly. Changing something little and small is better than not changing anything at all. Each repentance, forgiveness, act of love makes us more like Him. My goal has always been to do my old behaviors less and with less intensity. God has been very faithful to take my old character when I offer it to Him and replace it with His character of love. We will never be perfect, that's why we need grace and mercy and most importantly LOVE.
Romans 12:9-10, Be sure your love is true love. Hate what is sinful. Hold on to whatever is good. Love each other as Christian brothers and sisters. Show respect for each other.
1 John 4:7-8, Dear friends, let us love each other because love comes from God. Those who love are God's children and they know God. Those who do not love do not know God because God is love.
1 John 4:11, If God loved us that much, then we should love each other.
Psalm 139:23-24, Search me, Oh God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Lord Jesus, Reveal to our hearts, YOU, and the deep love that happened at the cross. Only that revelation can make us see how silly we are at times. Change us, reveal, heal and redeem us! Give us hearts to love and wisdom to deal. Amen.
What is the condition of our heart? When attacked verbally do we fight back, flee or love? Fighting back is a figurative punch to the opponent to defend our self and to gain the upper hand. We shoot our attacks and feelings of injustice like bullets at their heart. Most likely they are shooting back in order to obtain some control in the confrontation. The heat of the moment becomes a battlefield where all bets are off. Every unspoken feeling is now ammunition in the fight for power. Both have taken the gloves off and damage is the only result!
In another battle strategy, there will be the fighter and then the one who flees. The more aggressive of the two is usually the one being driven by angry or insecure emotions. They will overpower with aggressive gestures that make them look larger. Their voice will take on a tone of mean-spirited sarcasm and they will hurl accusations of blame. They roar so that their victim will cower and be rendered unable to protect themselves. Their sentences begin with words like, "My!", "Mine!", "I, I, I...", "You did...", "You said..." This technique is like a bull kicking up dust, the bullish person creates such a confusing dust storm that they do all the lambasting and then abruptly exit the encounter so as to not have to hear any criticisms of them self.
Passive aggressiveness is another battle plan where someone will punish others with non-aggressive techniques. These actions cause discomfort or pain to their target but allows the agitator to say things such as, "I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't do anything." They reap a sadistic pleasure from toying with their enemy. They believe they can escape any accountability with false naivety. They control those around them with an invisible switch and it's a most effective tool because it keeps the affected one quite confused.
Another tactic is the fight of the co-dependant. They have an internal delight that someone even cares enough for them to engage them in their life and drama. They live for the attention so they feed the negative behavior. Their fight is usually one of appeasement and they will keep the nonsense going just so they have a purpose.
The fifth example is the drama king or queen. They carry a legacy as far back as childhood as being the squeaky wheel in the family. They turn everything into drama and discord which in turn puts all energy and attention on them. Not good energy but negative, destructive and exhausting energy that saps the entire family. These people become indignant that anyone could have the audacity to challenge their demands and feelings! They seem to have this rebellion in their DNA and bring it along as their companion through life. It affects every relationship and situation with unrelenting issues of how others are to blame for everything bad in their life. No one can ever please them and they are not happy until they have stirred the pot with their entitlement.
Then, there is the rarest of all opponents which is the one who loves their enemies. That is the hardest of positions to take because it requires humility and surrender to the God that must work His love through them. This person takes very seriously the command from God, to love their neighbor as them self. This is not a doormat type of person. In a mature state, this type of person sees the pain and hurt in their accuser and chooses to love their brokenness and see them for who they could be. The one who loves has maturity, boundaries, patience, humility and wisdom. They still feel the pain of the attack but they are not ruled by their emotions. They feel for the accuser and desire better for them. There is a sincere plea and intercession put before God for them and their healing.
No one enjoys criticism because it's painful and exposing. It requires humility, change and growth which are things most people run from. I have been all of these types throughout my life. In retrospect I see the times when I was an aggressive fighter as periods in my life when I was frightened and trying to protect my vulnerable heart. Praise God for people who were lovers that cared for me, were honest with me, prayed for me and had the patience to teach me new ways! I took their honest assessment of some of my behaviors and surrendered that pain and truth before God and He changed me. It hurt and it was hard at first but I would not change that process.
The years I fled from attacks were years when I was so broken that any harsh gesture would have crush me into a million pieces! Although fleeing isn't the answer either, it was better than being aggressive and mean. It gave me a new perspective and I was able to see this whole issue from many other vantage points. Perspective and insight coupled with humility and God's love gave me the fighting chance I needed to become less of the old me and more of the new me! I'm growing from the weak mindset of being a victim into a new paradigm of being a woman of God!
My friends, whatever we speak and act like is an over-flow from our hearts. It is a heart change that we need in order to grow and only a willing and teachable heart can facilitate that. We will all flow in and out of our different reactions throughout our life but our goal should be to grow in a desire to be more Christ-like. How beautiful His character is and His expressions of love toward us even when we're acting ugly. Changing something little and small is better than not changing anything at all. Each repentance, forgiveness, act of love makes us more like Him. My goal has always been to do my old behaviors less and with less intensity. God has been very faithful to take my old character when I offer it to Him and replace it with His character of love. We will never be perfect, that's why we need grace and mercy and most importantly LOVE.
Romans 12:9-10, Be sure your love is true love. Hate what is sinful. Hold on to whatever is good. Love each other as Christian brothers and sisters. Show respect for each other.
1 John 4:7-8, Dear friends, let us love each other because love comes from God. Those who love are God's children and they know God. Those who do not love do not know God because God is love.
1 John 4:11, If God loved us that much, then we should love each other.
Psalm 139:23-24, Search me, Oh God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Lord Jesus, Reveal to our hearts, YOU, and the deep love that happened at the cross. Only that revelation can make us see how silly we are at times. Change us, reveal, heal and redeem us! Give us hearts to love and wisdom to deal. Amen.
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