Yesterday I was really wiped out physically from all the packing. I'm doing all this with a couple bruised ribs and of course, my lower back went out on top of it. So, I chose the wise thing to do and I rested. I've had a blog post started for about a week now and didn't have time to work on it so what better time to focus and finish it. I spend all day and labored over this precious message that I know God himself gave to me. It was clever, poignant, and full of meaning....and in a matter of a second.....it was erased. My computer froze and in the process of re-booting, the entire post was wiped out.
At first I was in shock that a piece of my soul, mind and spirit, not to mention the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, just evaporated. Then, sorrow paid a visit and I could feel the tears burning as if they were rising from my gut. How could this have happened? Why? Why Lord, would you let all that effort and blessing from Your Holy Spirit just disintegrate? As the evening went on, it all turned into anger, then rage, as I visualized me hacking up my computer with a sharp axe! I couldn't let go of it and it was eating me up.
A good night's sleep guided me to the morning and of course, the first thing I thought of was, the lost blog post! I could feel my jaws clench and my attitude grow sour as I recalled the event of the previous day. "There's no way I'm going to carry this another day Lord. Help me." and I grabbed my daily devotional. Why am I surprised that it spoke directly to my heart? Every time I turn to God, He meets me right where I am and meets my need completely. Every time, and this morning was no different as the words on the page jumped into my heart and mind with accurate aim and healed my bitter soul. The reading went on to speak of a preacher/missionary who gave his life to God but died very young. The gist of it was...."Where was the purpose in the loss?"
Loss...it's such an awful word, and my least favorite word in our vocabulary. Loss is painful, grueling, it seems to be not fair, full of bitterness and the embryo to pain. My loss was insignificant when compared to what the victims of Storm Sandy are going through. It is a spit in the bucket when I judge it next to what my sister is going through with her husband's kidney failing. But, loss is loss, and all loss needs to be grieved! No matter how small or seemingly insignificant it is, we must respect it and grieve it or else it gets buried deep into our psyche and only causes deeper problems.
Although our losses are to be dealt with on a minute by minute basis, allowing God to comfort us and heal us, it is the collateral damage of the loss that needs to be released. Carrying bitterness, anger and resentment only causes us to break down and renders us ill in the matters of healing. Letting go of the barnacles that grow upon our spirits is crucial to being able to handle loss. They serve as only weights that pull us down and leave us drowning in emotions. I found myself this morning asking, "For what?", "Why should I bother pouring my heart out through the written word to just have it consumed by a technological entity!" But God spoke to me this morning telling me through His written word that He has a higher purpose. My lost blog post was lost to Him and it wasn't in vain if I choose to do all things for His glory and not mine.
Beloved, whatever your loss is, loose it unto Him. His mighty, loving hands hold all our sorrows and He saves every tear. He has a higher intention and until we learn to trust Him in all things we will just go about life carrying a sad sack of regrets. Today I choose to see the lost words of my heart laying at His feet. I choose to trust Him and surrender my anger, knowing that He cares for me. I choose to not run to the alter of pride and entitlement but lay prostate before the King of Kings and let Him love me. There are two directions we can go, one is to self, where we focus only on our needs and the other is to God, where all our needs are met. The only true loss is the surrender of our desires, yet, He will fill us and move us forward to do His will....not ours.
Carry on Christian soldiers, unhindered and unafraid.
It matters not how the battle goes, The day how long; Faint not! Fight on! Tomorrow comes the song.
Isaiah 45:11, Concerning the work of my hands command ye me.
At first I was in shock that a piece of my soul, mind and spirit, not to mention the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, just evaporated. Then, sorrow paid a visit and I could feel the tears burning as if they were rising from my gut. How could this have happened? Why? Why Lord, would you let all that effort and blessing from Your Holy Spirit just disintegrate? As the evening went on, it all turned into anger, then rage, as I visualized me hacking up my computer with a sharp axe! I couldn't let go of it and it was eating me up.
A good night's sleep guided me to the morning and of course, the first thing I thought of was, the lost blog post! I could feel my jaws clench and my attitude grow sour as I recalled the event of the previous day. "There's no way I'm going to carry this another day Lord. Help me." and I grabbed my daily devotional. Why am I surprised that it spoke directly to my heart? Every time I turn to God, He meets me right where I am and meets my need completely. Every time, and this morning was no different as the words on the page jumped into my heart and mind with accurate aim and healed my bitter soul. The reading went on to speak of a preacher/missionary who gave his life to God but died very young. The gist of it was...."Where was the purpose in the loss?"
Loss...it's such an awful word, and my least favorite word in our vocabulary. Loss is painful, grueling, it seems to be not fair, full of bitterness and the embryo to pain. My loss was insignificant when compared to what the victims of Storm Sandy are going through. It is a spit in the bucket when I judge it next to what my sister is going through with her husband's kidney failing. But, loss is loss, and all loss needs to be grieved! No matter how small or seemingly insignificant it is, we must respect it and grieve it or else it gets buried deep into our psyche and only causes deeper problems.
Although our losses are to be dealt with on a minute by minute basis, allowing God to comfort us and heal us, it is the collateral damage of the loss that needs to be released. Carrying bitterness, anger and resentment only causes us to break down and renders us ill in the matters of healing. Letting go of the barnacles that grow upon our spirits is crucial to being able to handle loss. They serve as only weights that pull us down and leave us drowning in emotions. I found myself this morning asking, "For what?", "Why should I bother pouring my heart out through the written word to just have it consumed by a technological entity!" But God spoke to me this morning telling me through His written word that He has a higher purpose. My lost blog post was lost to Him and it wasn't in vain if I choose to do all things for His glory and not mine.
Beloved, whatever your loss is, loose it unto Him. His mighty, loving hands hold all our sorrows and He saves every tear. He has a higher intention and until we learn to trust Him in all things we will just go about life carrying a sad sack of regrets. Today I choose to see the lost words of my heart laying at His feet. I choose to trust Him and surrender my anger, knowing that He cares for me. I choose to not run to the alter of pride and entitlement but lay prostate before the King of Kings and let Him love me. There are two directions we can go, one is to self, where we focus only on our needs and the other is to God, where all our needs are met. The only true loss is the surrender of our desires, yet, He will fill us and move us forward to do His will....not ours.
Carry on Christian soldiers, unhindered and unafraid.
It matters not how the battle goes, The day how long; Faint not! Fight on! Tomorrow comes the song.
Isaiah 45:11, Concerning the work of my hands command ye me.
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