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| I did this painting to represent that we can live our life in a box or break it and turn it into a road that can lead somewhere. |
We've been watching old re-runs of Cold Case recently and it's a really interesting show. They investigate a cold case but they show the characters in current and past venues as the story unfolds. The other night there was a story about these young boys that were abused at an orphanage. Their ward attendant would make them stand in this 2'x2' square marked out with tape on the floor to punish them for the actions of just one kid. They were forced to stand for hours on end and you can only imagine the physical and psychological damage it did to them! After the show ended and I layed in my bed, the Holy Spirit began to unfold layer after layer of memories out before me and connected them with this awful feeling of being in a 2'x2' square! This anger that has been deep inside me, that I kept burying, started to rise and I could now put names to the faces! There were many issues with faces now and I felt this kind of relief settle over me because I was beginning to understand.
In our lives there are people who push, people who nudge, some make suggestions, some scare us, others may encourage us, some convince us.....to get in that square. It's where "they" are comfortable having us NOT where we are happy or where God wants us to be. How many of us have allowed someone to coax us into a square that suits their needs more than ours? How many of us have or are doing that to others? I used to be a fighter, I mean in spirit, and I pushed back when I felt someone trying to box me into "their" comfort zone. I didn't go willingly into other people's agendas just to make "them" comfortable. Yet, as I grew up I fought it a little less and started to put the feelings of others before my own, which was not a smart thing. It's perfectly fine to have manners regarding others but we are not to surrender our boundaries to be replaced by some other persons lack of! Most of us humans have this silent agenda in life and that is to get everyone around us to be agreeable so that our life can be absent of pain. I went from an immature fighter to an immature victim and couldn't find my way to a healthy perspective. Then, I prayed, and God showed me this revelation!
"Be." Yes, that's the revelation. Be active, be aware, be respectful (to yourself and to others), be happy, be sad (when appropriate), be honest, forthright, firm, kind,.......But "Be" something! Don't let everyone else determine who and what you are to Be. We complain almost constantly about how others are affecting our lives and never realize that they are herding us into a 2'x2' square. As we allow them to affect our thoughts, feelings, actions, moods.....we are allowing them to corral us into what is comfortable for them and most assuredly not what is best for us. The time we could be spending on doing beautiful things is then spent expressing a complaining spirit! I'm not saying to fight everyone or to supress your feelings, I'm just saying to be aware of other peoples agendas, whether conscience or sub-conscience. And, don't forget to watch yourself carefully, because we all do it to someone!
I allowed others so much power over my life that I eventually faded to grey. I became discouraged and felt I had no control over anything so I just surrendered. I didn't have the strength to self-protect and it was just too exhausting to try and push back anymore. It's a long and complicated saga but what I'm really hoping is that YOU will take this revelation and use it as a flashlight in your own life and use it to shine outward too so that you can be more aware of the hidden agendas around you. God wants you to have joy, yet so many of us settle for lives filled with guilt and shame. There is a balance and a middle in life if we would just be honest with others and ourselves and stop letting fear rule in our hearts. We are afraid to be honest with someone because they could reject us if we draw firm boundaries with them. We fear embarassment to ourselves or fear embarrasing others. We fear failure, success, happiness, retaliation, change......Trust me, it is scarier where you are than where you want to go.
I discovered that by just taking some action steps that bettered my life and by allowing those new actions in my life to define my creative soul, I stepped out of the square and the influence and nudging of others sloughed off. I found freedom by choosing to "be" some things that were unique to me. I began to discover "me" again. I know that sounds like a cliche' but after years of being a daughter, sister, friend, girl-friend, wife, mother.....I lost "me". I had to learn how to "be" the new "me"! I began actively doing my art again, riding my bike, going for walks, going to the beach, to the mountains, writing, dancing (alone in my bedroom to Hit list), sending out cards again! I stepped out of the square that I had allowed myself to be nudged into and stretched my arms out wide. I took a deep breath and began to see with fresh eyes all the things I had hidden away. The things I loved to do and be. I'm not saying to go get a divorce or move your kids to an over-seas boarding school, I'm just saying to step out of the square and start "Be"ing some of you again! Make a "Be" list and write down some of the things you used to do that made you, "you". Stop complaining and "Be"come a person that does things. Take a class, sit alone in a comfortable chair in a quiet room, read, swim, volunteer, be social, walk someones dog for them, bake, garden, join a choir.......Stop feeling guilty that you haven't given enough to your family! Teach those around you about the new "healthy boundaries" that you're implementing and tell them that you expect them to have respect for them! Be an example of a person who has peace and structure. Those around you will be better people for it. Do you want to be able or an enabler? For the love of God Be kind to yourself! Treat yourself with as much love as you do others! Stop letting "them" push you back into that square. You are an adult and you can make the decision to cut yourself a slice of the pie, sit, relax and enjoy it (literally or metaphorically). Read "The Pit and the Gate" post under archives on the side bar of this post for some boundary lessons.
So, while you're out there "Be"ing, remember to Be aware of how you are affecting others. Don't box your children, your spouse, friends, or whomever......so they can't Be who they were meant to be. Don't let your fears keep them from their full potential. Learn and teach good boundaries and allow the freedom from fear to open up pockets of individual creativity. Balance is a good thing. A balanced person is much more effective for God and the community! Be what you wish others would Be towards you. This revelation has brought me a new freedom and joy. I discovered though, that there was a small part of me that missed the power of complaining and blaming. But, the new freedom is so much better, so I'm choosing that, at least more often than not. You can't change anyone around you BUT you can change you. Go and Be.........
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