The Square

I did this painting to represent
that we can live our life in a box
or break it and turn it into a road
that can lead somewhere.

It's one of my favorite things that God does, He takes all my anxiety and frustration about things that are going on in my head, heart and life and He reveals His wisdom regarding it all through a t.v. show! He has been doing this a lot lately and the epiphanies have been mind blowing! Thoughts and feelings in my deepest recesses that I cannot figure out and are sources of great frustration to me, He brings into focus and clarity during a thirty minute show! Whoever says that God isn't rockin doesn't know Him!

We've been watching old re-runs of Cold Case recently and it's a really interesting show. They investigate a cold case but they show the characters in current and past venues as the story unfolds. The other night there was a story about these young boys that were abused at an orphanage. Their ward attendant would make them stand in this 2'x2' square marked out with tape on the floor to punish them for the actions of just one kid. They were forced to stand for hours on end and you can only imagine the physical and psychological damage it did to them! After the show ended and I layed in my bed, the Holy Spirit began to unfold layer after layer of memories out before me and connected them with this awful feeling of being in a 2'x2' square! This anger that has been deep inside me, that I kept burying, started to rise and I could now put names to the faces! There were many issues with faces now and I felt this kind of relief settle over me because I was beginning to understand.

In our lives there are people who push, people who nudge, some make suggestions, some scare us, others may encourage us, some convince us.....to get in that square. It's where "they" are comfortable having us NOT where we are happy or where God wants us to be. How many of us have allowed someone to coax us into a square that suits their needs more than ours? How many of us have or are doing that to others? I used to be a fighter, I mean in spirit, and I pushed back when I felt someone trying to box me into "their" comfort zone. I didn't go willingly into other people's agendas just to make "them" comfortable. Yet, as I grew up I fought it a little less and started to put the feelings of others before my own, which was not a smart thing. It's perfectly fine to have manners regarding others but we are not to surrender our boundaries to be replaced by some other persons lack of! Most of us humans have this silent agenda in life and that is to get everyone around us to be agreeable so that our life can be absent of pain. I went from an immature fighter to an immature victim and couldn't find my way to a healthy perspective. Then, I prayed, and God showed me this revelation!

"Be." Yes, that's the revelation. Be active, be aware, be respectful (to yourself and to others), be happy, be sad (when appropriate), be honest, forthright, firm, kind,.......But "Be" something! Don't let everyone else determine who and what you are to Be. We complain almost constantly about how others are affecting our lives and never realize that they are herding us into a 2'x2' square. As we allow them to affect our thoughts, feelings, actions, moods.....we are allowing them to corral us into what is comfortable for them and most assuredly not what is best for us. The time we could be spending on doing beautiful things is then spent expressing a complaining spirit! I'm not saying to fight everyone or to supress your feelings, I'm just saying to be aware of other peoples agendas, whether conscience or sub-conscience. And, don't forget to watch yourself carefully, because we all do it to someone!

I allowed others so much power over my life that I eventually faded to grey. I became discouraged and felt I had no control over anything so I just surrendered. I didn't have the strength to self-protect and it was just too exhausting to try and push back anymore. It's a long and complicated saga but what I'm really hoping is that YOU will take this revelation and use it as a flashlight in your own life and use it to shine outward too so that you can be more aware of the hidden agendas around you. God wants you to have joy, yet so many of us settle for lives filled with guilt and shame. There is a balance and a middle in life if we would just be honest with others and ourselves and stop letting fear rule in our hearts. We are afraid to be honest with someone because they could reject us if we draw firm boundaries with them. We fear embarassment to ourselves or fear embarrasing others. We fear failure, success, happiness, retaliation, change......Trust me, it is scarier where you are than where you want to go.

I discovered that by just taking some action steps that bettered my life and by allowing those new actions in my life to define my creative soul, I stepped out of the square and the influence and nudging of others sloughed off. I found freedom by choosing to "be" some things that were unique to me. I began to discover "me" again. I know that sounds like a cliche' but after years of being a daughter, sister, friend, girl-friend, wife, mother.....I lost "me". I had to learn how to "be" the new "me"! I began actively doing my art again, riding my bike, going for walks, going to the beach, to the mountains, writing, dancing (alone in my bedroom to Hit list), sending out cards again! I stepped out of the square that I had allowed myself to be nudged into and stretched my arms out wide. I took a deep breath and began to see with fresh eyes all the things I had hidden away. The things I loved to do and be. I'm not saying to go get a divorce or move your kids to an over-seas boarding school, I'm just saying to step out of the square and start "Be"ing  some of you again! Make a "Be" list and write down some of the things you used to do that made you, "you". Stop complaining and "Be"come a person that does things. Take a class, sit alone in a comfortable chair in a quiet room, read, swim, volunteer, be social, walk someones dog for them, bake, garden, join a choir.......Stop feeling guilty that you haven't given enough to your family! Teach those around you about the new "healthy boundaries" that you're implementing and tell them that you expect them to have respect for them! Be an example of a person who has peace and structure. Those around you will be better people for it. Do you want to be able or an enabler? For the love of God Be kind to yourself! Treat yourself with as much love as you do others! Stop letting "them" push you back into that square. You are an adult and you can make the decision to cut yourself a slice of the pie, sit, relax and enjoy it (literally or metaphorically). Read "The Pit and the Gate" post under archives on the side bar of this post for some boundary lessons.

So, while you're out there "Be"ing, remember to Be aware of how you are affecting others. Don't box your children, your spouse, friends, or whomever......so they can't Be who they were meant to be. Don't let your fears keep them from their full potential. Learn and teach good boundaries and allow the freedom from fear to open up pockets of individual creativity. Balance is a good thing. A balanced person is much more effective for God and the community! Be what you wish others would Be towards you. This revelation has brought me a new freedom and joy. I discovered though, that there was a small part of me that missed the power of complaining and blaming. But, the new freedom is so much better, so I'm choosing that, at least more often than not. You can't change anyone around you BUT you can change you. Go and Be.........

Psalm Twenty

Whom do you trust? Do you have a source for all you need or do you try to do life all on your own, resulting in fatigue, despair, exhaustion and loneliness? Do you have a living-breathing supporter that can be with you and give you victory in all things 24/7? Do you live with complete confidence and victory on a daily, moment by moment basis? In Psalm 20, King David says a blessing, a prayer, over himself and his troops, reminding them that they do have a conqueror who goes before them and they can have confidence that in and through their God there will be victory! Verse 1 says, "In your day of trouble, may the Lord be with you." That verse confirms what we all know to be true and that is, there will be trouble in our lives. I don't know about you but my answer is "yes", I do want the Lord to be with me. May you desire that also.

Verse 4, "May He grant you your heart's desire and fulfill all your plans!" Our prayer should always be that God would make His desires our desires. When we are in God's perfect will then all that we ask is good for us and He delights in giving to His children. It's when we think that we know what is best and we don't consider His wisdom as truth, that He can't bless our plans. If we walk behind Him then we are certainly afraid of trusting Him, if we walk ahead of Him then we put our own pride before God. He wants to walk through life "with" us, side by side, as our friend. May you desire that also.

As King David prayed....... I offer this prayer for me and you.....

Lord of all Creation,

Balance me today. Balance my thoughts, my desires, my cravings. Balance my responses, my reactions, my interactions. Lord, balance the heart within me from which all things flow and balance my mind, body and soul. You, O Lord, who holds the endless universe in perfect balance, who can suspend planets in mid-air and who tells the sea where to stop, balance me today.

Make Your will - my will, Your desires - my desires. Remind me all day that through Your Holy Spirit, anything that comes into my life has had to come through You first and that everything is a lesson to grow from. Let me not expect life to be easy but to know that it will be an interesting, fascinating and sometimes puzzling journey of joys and sorrows and that I will never walk it alone. Keep me mindful that every bad thing has goodness to be found in it, if we will only look for it. And, when our plans do not fit Your plan - bless me with peace that Your plan is best and that it is safe to follow You anywhere.

Our purpose here is not to be comfortable but to be comforting, not to be stuffed with empty "things" of this earth but to be content with whatever we have and to share it with others. Balance me today in every way, encourage me to release the things I covet, and desire above all that You alone fill my wanting hands and heart.

Make my day a prayer to you, so I am connected to You every moment. Let not my pride think that I can do anything apart from You. Give me a constant hunger in my heart to be satisfied and filled only by You and to recognize You as my full portion. Above all Lord, reveal and cement in my heart Your deep and committed love that you have for me. Make me ever thirsty for Your Word and Your presence in my life. Let noone and no thing rob me of Your gift of peace knowing that Your Holy Spirit has filled me and I am sealed by Him, the giver of all Your gifts. Give me Your wisdom generously to be able to stand in all hope of You.

You are my Redeemer, my Savior, Lover of my soul and my friend. May all those I pray for find You to be all those things to them also. Whatever shape each persons emptiness is - fill it perfectly Lord as only You can do. Whenever one of them is alone, worried or scared, let Your presence comfort them and assure them. Show the lost that You are the Way and that Your truth and light will guide them and give them hope. May our desire be to see You glorified in our lives. Amen

Psalm Nineteen

Psalm 19 is amazing! David the psalmist records his meditations to the God he loves and that loves him, proclaiming the evidence of the Creators greatness, creativity and love. Vs 1, "The heavens declare the glory of God, the skies proclaim the work of His hands." How many times have we seen a spectacular sunset, a misty and transforming sunrise awakening a new day? Think of the nights we have gazed at the stars, some even studying them and using them to guide them. The shade of a tree, the song of a bird, a cool breeze.....a mountain view, an eagle soaring, a rainbow. Those being the grandest, not to mention the thousands upon thousands of minute miracles that happen constantly around us daily such as the complex functions of our bodies, the eco-system's balance or the simple love of a pet. Nature sings of God's glory!

Verse 3 says, "There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard." meaning that God gave us nature to see His greatness and love in and no words or interpretation are needed for that story to be heard. Romans 1:19-20 reaffirms by saying, "....since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse." Then, in verse 4 of the 19th psalm, "Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the end of the world." God's Word asserts that no one can say that He doesn't exist because He is evident in all of creation!

The author then moves on to God's Word and what it means for us. Vs 7-11 (paraphrased), "The Lords law is perfect, it revives our soul, His statutes making wise the simple, His precepts bring joy to our hearts, His commands give light to our eyes, the fear of the Lord is pure, enduring forever and His ordinances are sure and altogether righteous!" Vs 10-11, "They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold; they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb. By them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward!" By being in God's Word we can have our souls revived, be wise, have joy in our hearts, see things clearly and have a healthy respect for God that in turn, shines out toward our neighbors and the world, whereas, they then see God in us!

Without first accepting that you do see God in everything, then, desiring His guidance through His Word, we most often find ourselves dissatisfied and unhappy. We have patterns of making wrong decisions and feeling tired and discouraged in our souls because of constant battles in our minds over regrets or trying to justify certain actions or behaviors that were wrong or inappropriate. My many years of growing up in the 70's without much supervision and trying to avoid God left me with large empty holes in my soul that have taken years to clean out and fill with what I should have filled them with in the first place, God! I lived with my mind believing lies about God, that all He wanted to do was take from me and I never knew about the goodness of how He wanted to give me lovely things and make me feel worthy and cherished! How can anyone feel loved by God or know all the goodness He has for us if we don't develop a friendship with Him? Spending time in prayer, in His Word, having fellowship with other believers.....that's how you get to know someone and what they're really all about. That's how you fall in love! God already loves you, so it's just a matter of you loving Him.

Verses 12-14 ring of truth and freedom to me, "Who can discern his errors? Forgive my hidden faults." Vs 13, "Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me. Then I will be blameless, innocent of great transgression." Vs 14, "May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer." Apart from desiring God and all that He desires for you, there is only lies that rob our joy and slavery that robs our freedoms! How much of your life has been in the repair shop rather than out enjoying life? How many more regrets and sorrows infiltrate your thoughts than do memories of good choices? Sure, there are people  who have not wandered in life too much but there are more of us that have walked the murky paths of regrets and are in desperate need of a Savior! God promises to take His soiled children, bathe us in His Son's sacrifice and forgiveness, clothe us in His righteousness and set our feet upon the Rock, which is Him!

Psalm 19 reminds us to look at everything as evidence of God's existence, to seek the truth about Him through His written Word and  to always find love at His feet through honest confession. He is real and He will always meet us wherever we are...simply because He loves us.

God is in the trees,
God is in the seas;
God is in the air,
God is everywhere.

God is in the miles,
God is in the smiles;
God is in each child,
God is everywhere.

If you don't see Him......it's because you don't want to. If you want to.....then go and see Him everywhere and in everything!

James 4:8, God says, "Draw near to Me and I will draw near to you."