The Mercy of a Pause

Her name was Abigail and after reading her story I could see myself being friends with her. I could imagine any kind and thoughtful person totally "getting her." I still recall her acts of wisdom and call them to mind when I need counsel. We are made up of many people in our lives, adopting good behavior from some and hopefully rejecting foolishness from others. Abigail is someone who you should mirror and desire to be like.

Her-story is in the Old Testament book of 1 Samuel, chapter 25. Abigail was a woman who was intelligent and beautiful (25:3), I imagine her as one who loved others and found her joy in those around her. She had to, because her husband Nabal was a crude and foolish man. When someone who has a giving heart and thoughtful mind is joined with a stingy, thoughtless person, it will be the kind soul that extends empathy and grace toward others as they cover for the fool. That is exactly what happens in this story. David and his 600 men had taken it upon themselves to protect the interests of a land owner named Nabal. Nabal's shepherds took protection from David and his men during the sheep shearing season and because of this Nabel's estate profited.

David sent messengers to ask Nabal for his kindness toward him and his men by offering hospitality to them but Nabal ignored them for a long time. When he did address them he scoffed at them, insulted David and refused hospitality to them. They returned to David and told him of what happened, which sparked an immediate response of fury from their leader. "Put on your swords!" David told his men, and he himself put on his. Four hundred men pounded toward Nabals estate with a thirst for vengeance. Disaster was inevitable.

One of the servants at Nabal's estate told Abigal, Nabal's wife, the truth of how David's men protected them and how they requested hospitality but got only insults hurled at them by Nabal. She warned Abigal that disaster was headed their way so Abigal wasted no time. She immediately interceded with a plan (which I'm sure she was skilled at since she had to do this many times for her foolish husband throughout the years.) She assembled her servants and engaged with them to prepare a feast of food and drink. She knew words alone would not hinder the path of David and his men but a food would.

How many of us would have the presence of mind to think so clearly when we knew that calamity was heading our way?  Thoughts of survival such as hunkering down or fleeing for saftey would probably be our first reaction. Abigal was of wise character though as she took action without haste. She loaded up donkeys with the delicacies and sent her servants ahead of her with the provisions. She met up with those who went ahead and saw David and his men heading toward Nabals. The scripture clearly paints the picture that David's full intent was to slaughter Nabal and all the men of his household. David's heart was filled with vengeance and fury. He was out of control and completely driven by his emotions.

That day, on that desert road, God intervened through Abigal to protect His servant David from a sin that would have left him covered with shame and disgrace. A sin that would have made David a murderer rather than a noble warrior. A sin that would have kept David from God's plan for his life and his position as the chosen King of Israel.

So many times we thank God for what we have but never take into mind what calamity God has kept from us. Gratitude goes both ways and reminds us not only of the grace that is bestowed upon us by God's gifts but also of the mercy that withholds misfortune. Our emotions can drive us to say things that can never be taken back as well as actions that are devastatingly irreversible. God's grace and mercy can save us from ourselves if we would only accept "His Divine pause."

Abigal presented a pause for David as she delivered a plea to him. She descended from her donkey, hit her knees before him and spoke reason to him. She humbled herself and begged him to listen to her. The smell and sight of the provisions she brought along with her beauty and wisdom stopped David in his tracks. She had the ear of the future King and the Divine Pause was achieved. Abigal was a living instrument in the hands of the God.

So many times we allow someones actions or words to get us to react in ungodly ways. We argue back, we curse them, we crumble in tears of self-pity, refusing to even attempt to see what God is trying to accomplish. That's why God so desires for us to want His heart within us! Because if we have His heart then He can complete His good works in all of our lives. Most of what we blame God for is a direct result of our disobedience.

After David hears Abigal out he responds to her, "Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, who has sent you today to meet me. May you be blessed for your good judgment and for keeping me from bloodshed this day and from avenging myself with my own hands. Otherwise, as surely as the Lord, the God of Israel, lives, who has kept me from harming you, if you had not come quickly to meet me, not one male belonging to Nabal would have been left alive by daybreak." Then David accepted her gifts and sent her home with a blessing of peace. "I have heard your words and granted your request." David told her. The Divine Pause changed all of history.

Abigal returned home to find her husband Nabal drunk so she waited to tell him of the events that took place until morning. Another act of wisdom attributed to the humble woman of God. The next day she told him everything and he immediately suffered a stroke. About ten days later Nabal died. God upheld David's cause and delivered His justice to the foolish and wicked man. David went on to marry Abigal.

The Mercy of a Pause. How dangerous to disregard it or refuse to see it. The legacy of our life and the lives of others depends on our willingness to take that pause!

Ephesians 4:26, "In your anger do not sin..."

Bottom Cry

When you encounter someone who is emotional, edgy and spiraling downward try to remember that it's not our job to put all their broken pieces back together, it's Gods. We are not saviors, Christ is the Savior. We need to humble ourselves before the Lord and be servants to His work. When He has dealt with me, I recall His stillness and sense of peace as He would listen to my lamentations. In His wisdom He knows that all the words we're crying out are coming from a deeper place, our BOTTOM CRY. His love sees straight through to the heart of our pain and it's from there He wants to begin healing us. Only God can love and heal at that level.

He does use us though, to be His hands, eyes, ears and mouth. We need to be a source of God's love for the hurting and use our arms to hold them, our eyes to relate to them and our ears to hear them. We need to let Jesus love through us. BUT, we have to pray for wisdom regarding Gods perfect timing! Nothing can replace the sacred time that a soul spends alone with their God. Many times prayer is our only current duty but so many times we take the wheel from God and try to fix everything in our timing. In those times when darkness overwhelms, it is only God who can work in the dark. In the book of Job 38:2, God says to Job regarding a friend who is trying to counsel in the darkness, "Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge?" Read Job, chapter 38-42, you will be blown away by the rebuke of God to those who try to do His work as oppose to the work God instructs them to do!

I've always been a fixer, someone who jumps into another persons mess with my opinions. Yet, as I mature in the faith, I am learning to just be available to God and to stop blocking Gods work. His timing is perfect, not mine, and I can do irreparable harm by jumping in front of Him. We would be shocked to death if we truly understood the damage that is done when we talk over God! (Seriously, read those chapters in the book of Job!)

The Bottom Cry is a wailing from the soul that only God knows how to comfort and guide. Let people know that you are there, whether it be at a distance in prayer or just to sit and listen...but don't counsel until they ask or until God's Spirit moves you. More of God's love shines through our actions than our words. People need what only God can offer yet we try to take over and it only hinders the work of grace and healing. Our responsibility is to get our own hearts right with God. We cannot comfort or offer wisdom to someone unless we have layed ourselves out before God first. It's so easy to work on other people because we think if we shine a light on them then Gods light will be off of us.

The rawness and vulnerability of our bottom cry is a beautiful thing and we shouldn't be in such a hurry to get away from that place. We try to rush others into comfort as well as ourselves because we fear the place of sorrow. But, Jesus was a man of sorrows (Isaiah 53:3) and He doesn't want us rushing to feel good, He wants us to sit with Him so He can comfort, counsel, empathize and heal us from the inside out. The bottom cry, the place of sorrow is Christ's wheel-house, it is in His embrace where we must begin that journey. Then, at the perfect time He will call us to reach out to someone.

Psalm 4, "Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer."

John 13:23, " John, leaned in and put his head on Jesus' breast..."

Cornered

Life is a game of power and control that can suck even the humblest of souls in at many levels. What do we do when someone check mates us and they appear to have all the control and we are imprisoned, cornered and see no way out! Well, there are three choices that we have at that point and it takes a soulful decision that will determine the outcome.  

The first choice is to refuse the other two options and to choose hopelessness then death. Isaiah 40:27 reads, "Why do you say and complain, "My way is hidden from the Lord; my cause is disregarded by my God?" A person whose mind sees no hope and their heart does not believe that God will rescue them will choose this option. They simply do not see any way out.

The second option is ingrained in our flesh and it is to fight with fury. Pull out all the weapons of our rage and seek to destroy. The problem with that option is it will not only destroy the opponent but it also destroys us in the process. We live through the battle but we are decimated in character, shackled with bitterness and live a life with a soul that is diseased and shriveled. We also leave the stench of our ungodly behavior in our wake and it follows us where ever we go, repulsing those around us. It's not a win but a massacre and we are left covered with shame. A chain of resentment, anger, rage, stubbornness, bitterness, emptiness...is placed around our neck by our own self as a congratulatory metal but it weighs us down and cripples us. Our pride puffs us up on the outside but makes us too bloated to enter into any grace. A sick and twisted victory that even the survivor can't live with. Yet, so many take this wide path out of the corner because it is the only path that is wide enough to carry all their ugly, clanging plunder through.

There is a third option but it is narrow. In order to escape this way one must lay down all that is not righteous. The gate to this path is shaped like Jesus and until we surrender our self-righteousness we cannot fit through it. We must sacrifice our own desires for revenge and take on His character of humility. Romans 12:19,20 reads, "Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written, "It is mine to avenge, I will repay, says the Lord." On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on their conscience." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." Being trapped and cornered is usually looked at as a horrible thing but quite the contrary. That is a place of repose and freedom, if we allow God to shape us there into His image. There's an old saying, "We can do this the easy way or the hard way." Most humans choose the hard way. Like a fish on a hook being reeled in, we will writhe, contort, lash about and buck His every attempt to calm us and transform us. He knows though, that if deep down you weren't willing you would have chosen option #1 or #2 already. So God waits, and waits until we wear ourselves out.

I recall the time my three year old granddaughter came to California from Belgium. She was exhausted and her little mind could not adapt to the time change. In her frustration she became uncontrollable and inconsolable to the point that she had no wits about her. So I took her into the bedroom and tried to get her to sleep but she was having none of it. I held her in a loose hold in my arms as she fought me every inch of the way with her body and full spirit. I sang songs to her, prayed over her and just kept telling her that I knew what was best for her and she had to trust me. Well, two hours later she relented in my arms and finally exhausted herself. She slept for 19 hours and woke the next day fully refreshed and being her old cute self again. Not one remnant or memory about the wrestling match remained, only the fact that I was Nana and I loved her. That memory always served as a reminder to me that God knows what's best for me. I can fight Him or I can relent and let Him have His way with me. His way is always best.

Choosing humility is NOT EASY, so how do we do it? The first step is to get all our injustices layed out before Jesus (He certainly understands injustice.). Psalm 22:24 says, "For He has not despised or disdained the suffering of the afflicted one; He has not hidden His face from him but has listened to his cry for help." Lay it out, wrestle with God, cry, lament, scream... get it out of you and before Him. Does it all feel too dirty and vile to expose it before God? He already knows your thoughts so get over it and throw it all up in His lap, He can take it. Calm your spirit.

Second, set a time limit of how long you are going to wallow then stick to it (unless you want to release yourself from it sooner). Don't let your emotions own you by giving them an open ended ticket to reside in your being for as long as they want. It's okay to have a pity party but all parties must end at some time. Calm your mind.

Third, stop pacing like a wild animal that wants to hunt but can't because it's in a cage. Calm yourself and let the zoo-keeper bring you food and water. God did this for Elijah in 1 Kings, chapter 19 when he provided Elijah with nourishment and refreshment and rest after he ran from Jezebel's wrath and wore himself completely out. Calm your body.

The fourth step to humility is to make the conscience choice to engage with a trusted confidant who will listen hard and long and who you know will offer you sound, Godly wisdom. Opening ourselves up to accountability is difficult because then there is someone out there who not only knows our mess but is going to offer encouragement at a time when all we want to do is to tell everyone to shut up and back off. Isolation is the devils playground and as much as we want to wallow, trust me, it's God's playground you want to be in when your vulnerable. Calm our pride.

The fifth step is to WANT to get out by the narrow path. Posture yourself for that, determine it in your whole being. Be a drill Sergeant to yourself and have a plan. Let true conviction steer you to the complete commitment that you are going to de-bloat yourself of pride and take on the garment of God's righteousness instead. Begin to pray again, trust God again, read His Word and LET HIM love you! Mother Theresa said, "It is never about you and another person, it is always about you and God." Let God deal with the vengeance so you can focus completely on finding some peace through your storm. Opponents love it when we are reactive but they despise when we have peace. Calm your demeanor.

Being cornered is an AWFUL feeling! Christ knows exactly how you feel. Remember Him begging His Father in the Garden of Gethsemane to release Him from the cross experience? His anxiety broke the blood vessels in His face and He literally was sweating blood. Yet He told His Father, "Your will not mine." He set His pride aside to be obedient to His Father. Will you make that choice? The choice to love God more.

Psalm 25: 1-5, "To you , O Lord, I lift up my soul; in You I trust, O my God. Do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me. No one whose hope is put in You will ever be put to shame, but they will be put to shame who are treacherous without excuse. Show me Your ways, O Lord, teach me Your paths; guide me in Your truth and teach me, for You are God my Savior, and my hope is in You all day long."

Luke 13:24, "Make every effort to enter through the narrow door. For many, I tell you, will try to enter but will fail."

True Joy

Thoughts on Eden


On my desk is a prayer notebook with names of people listed inside. Some I know but many are strangers that I've met and took the time to ask them if there was anything I could offer up in prayer for them. It always amazes me how everyone has a prayer request. The human heart wants to believe there is a loving God that cares for them amidst all the pain in this world. All souls desire hope.


As I was looking at the names in my book I recalled a young woman that I had met in a drug store. She immediately engaged in conversation with me which led to the topic of God and church! She was so full of joy and wonder as we talked about deep things. After about 20 minutes of talking I saw her facial muscles go down and a look of despair come over her face. I asked what she was thinking and there it was...the dichotomy of what we know is God's will and what we desire in our own hearts. She asked me my opinion regarding a choice that she was struggling with and I told her that I would not tell her what I thought but what the bible says about it. It is sin just as so many other things in our hearts, minds and lives are. Its no different than a heart filled with unforgiveness or a mind that dwells on worshipping nature above the Creator. God's desire is that we choose to remain in His flock where we are safe and not wander out into territories of our own desires. Her demeanor changed instantly to a combative stance and I could see instantly that this was an area of her heart that she wanted her desires and not God's. It is at those precise moments where we choose WHO God IS or we make up our own version of a god to suit our desires.


We all have our "Eden" moments when we are not satisfied with all that God has given us but we yearn for the fruit that is forbidden. I believe the first thought that leads our minds to wander to the forbidden tree is, "I'm not happy." As soon as we let our eyes wander beyond the flock of God and not "Hold every thought captive unto God." 2 Corinthians 10:5. The pull on our hearts begins and our minds are hooked and begin getting reeled in.


Why was Eve even near the forbidden tree? She had the entire lush garden of delights and God's blessings all around her and available to her yet she wandered toward the forbidden tree. She gazed in it's direction and wondered if there was MORE. She allowed herself to go closer because she kept looking in that direction. Rather than keeping her eyes on God and all the goodness He gave her she chose to let the lure of MORE cast its hook through her focus. The mind and the heart are connected and where the mind goes the heart follows. So she went closer.


The closer we get to something the more of our visual span is consumed by the object. We can satisfy more curiosities. As Eve allowed herself to draw closer she was now able to hear the sounds that surrounded the forbidden tree. A voice whispered, too low to fully hear it she leaned in. The hiss spoke, "Did God really say, "You must not eat from any tree in the garden?" The woman replied, "We must not eat from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die." Eve is now engaged with "The Hissing More" and he has all of her attention. "You will not die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." Eve now directs her focus to the fruit and reckons in her mind that it is good for food, pleasing to the eye and desirable for gaining MORE wisdom, so she eats of it. Her heart took what it wanted.(Adam was with her but that is a story for another day.)


Our craving for MORE starts with looking in the wrong direction. God wants our focus on Him and His goodness but when we choose to let our eyes wander it's then that our mind begins to toy with the object of desire. Like a cat who settles for a ball of yarn when its owner has so much more to offer. That playful ball of yarn doesn't offer us food, water, hugs, love, protection, true companionship...yet the eyes of the cat cannot resist it's appeal. We then throw our heart with wreakless abandon to the lure. Whether it be drugs, adultery, idolatry, sexual immorality, unforgiveness, a haughty spirit, gossip...we now have a new master. One that is fickle, two-faced, conditional and offers no long-term affection or safety. We are now at the mercy of the ravenous wolves and elements. Our souls are exposed to a master that cannot be trusted.


Just as the Apostle Peter sank when he took his eyes off of Jesus as he was called out upon the stormy seas (Matthew 14:29), we fall into cold, dark waters when we take our eyes off Jesus and choose our own way. But, praise be to God our Savior who will hear if we cry out, plunge His hand down into our darkness and pull us back into His presence of safety and goodness! Into His unconditional love.


There are foxes, coyotes, bears...out there my friends who are just waiting for a wandering lamb to leave the fold. When we choose to leave the presence of our Shepherd we are exposed and vulnerable to the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual attacks that shred our souls. I recently read a quote from the Dalai Lama which said, "The purpose of our lives is to be happy." As I chuckled a bit and then felt sorrow for those who believe that, I realized that it is that exact mind-set that causes our eyes to look beyond the flock. If we cannot be happy with the Shepherd then God help us when we look elsewhere! The seach for happiness due to our discontent is just The Hissing Voice telling us that there is MORE out there, but there is not.


The "MORE" that we need is in Christ! Finding Joy in all our circumstances, experiencing His grace and compassion when we deal with loss, forgiving and reconnecting, loving more deeply, having a whole and healthy soul that is free of shame, families reunited or rebuilding a new family after the wreckage of divorce, sweet sleep, a calm and peaceful mind, a happy home, peace regarding our eternity, a body free from anxiety...


Little lambs, what your soul needs is not OUT THERE, it is in the fold. Our Shepherd promises us that no matter what is in this world that He will never leave us or forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6). That doesn't mean that bad things will not happen but it does mean that it will all happen in His sovereign, merciful hands. Many people have seen horrors that this world dished out and as long as we are on this planet of discontent sin will continue. Our choice though is will we stay near to the Shepherd or will we run with the wolves till they themselves turn on us.


I know temptation and every time I followed it I left it's presence broken, filled with pain and shame. I was wounded there and it took many years for those deep wounds to heal. Outside the flock I numbed my pain and distracted my shriveled soul so that I could cope in the environment. When all the while I could have been with my Shepherd, my Savior, where I would have been safe and loved. My heart would have experienced true joy and not the unsatisfying pursuit of fleeting happiness. Read the story of the Prodigal Son in Luke 15:11-32. When we make up a god who fits into "our" lifestyle we then have a distorted image of our perception of God. This invented idol lets us down, turns on us, leads us into paths of destruction and pain. We then question the real God's love when in truth it was our "idol of self desire" that disappointed us. As long as we want what we want rather than what He (Christ) wants for us, we will never know true joy or satifaction.


Cry out to Jesus little lamb for you are not out there in the darkness alone. He has come after you and is waiting on your cry for help. He will not turn from you but He will reach down and raise you up to His chest. In His great mercy, grace and love He will hold you tight and bring you home to the flock. There He will cleanse you of the scarlet stains and make you white as snow.


Isaiah 40:11, "He (God) tends His flock like a shepherd, He gathers His lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart."


Keep your gaze on Jesus.