What's Your Binky?

Most children have an object that brings them comfort and a feeling of safety. Some have a favorite blanket or stuffed animal and babies may get that feeling from a pacifier. As adults we all have a Binky that brings us a sense of comfort and safety whether it is food, a relationship, a behavior, a habit or something of a material form.

As a human being I have always had the kind of personality that desires to get better and as a Christian I take that root behavior and I’m constantly putting myself out there to God to heal areas of my life. Yet, I have some rooted Binkies in my life that I just will not let go of. They seem to be habits that I secretly tell myself, “This is MINE and I have All the CONTROL of this and NO ONE can take this from me!” “You people can misunderstand me, try to control me, take all you want from me through your life of no boundaries BUT you can’t take this!”

Although I know these habits and behaviors are bad for me and are not what God desires for me, I still won’t release them. It’s as if I’m even shaking my fist at God, that unless He changes the things in my life, whether it is health problems or relational issues, I will not surrender these coveted things. There’s a deep feeling of injustice in my heart that says, “This isn’t fair and until you change I will not surrender!” We hurt ourselves thinking that we are hurting those who are hurting us!

I’m finding that as I trust God more and really understand His deep love for me, I desire to begin the process of releasing these things more and more. Notice I said desiring and not that I’m actually letting go of them. It’s hard and scary and my grip is so tight because I believe deep down that if I surrender these idols that it won’t turn out fair. What is this deep rebellion that desires fairness in life so much? I believe we all have our pile of injustices that we stand upon and as long as we proclaim them, then we have an excuse for all our unattractive behaviors. We say things like, “I deserve to be angry!”, “I have a right to condemn you and blame you!”, “Look at this pile! That’s why I am the way I am!”

Entitlement. Who are we to claim we are entitled to anything! Christ was entitled to live joyfully in the Kingdom of Heaven with His Father for eternity because He is God. But He surrendered that privilege to be sent to this earth per His Father’s will and gave His life for us! We don’t deserve anything but we are blessed by God with goodness simply because of His Son’s sacrifice. If the Son of God could surrender His life then why can’t I surrender my Binkies! It’s simple…it’s only THROUGH Christ that my desires can change. I am not equipped in any way, shape or form to be Christ-like. It’s only through His Holy Spirit and a willing heart that I can change.

Why then is my heart so stubborn and afraid to relinquish my Binkies? God can change my longings but here I lay in my corner clinging to my insecurities and clutching my fears. Paul said it perfectly in the book of Romans 7:14-25, and chapter 8, (paraphrased), “We do what we do because of our sinful nature and it seems too powerful to overcome BUT now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus, for the power of His life giving Spirit has freed us! If we allow God’s Holy Spirit to control us then we have freedom and peace but if we allow our sinful nature to control us then we are doomed.” Please read all of these verses in your bible for the full impact and truth, for apart from Him we can do nothing!

We have a clear choice in our behavior and through Christ we can have victory in all aspects of our life. The only way to break the hold of our sinful nature is to saturate ourselves in the presence of God. That seems so daunting when we just think about it because we have all experienced the high of being in His presence whether at church, during worship, when engaged in fellowship or prayer but when we are in the mix of everyday life it seems we falter. The enemy tells us that we are doomed to fail and that sooner or later God will not pull through for us. He tells us that if we choose humility, we are only setting ourselves up for a kick in the teeth. If we choose sacrifice, we will eventually give up and fail. If we choose a positive outlook, it will only be a matter of time before we go negative again! The enemy convinces us that we have a default and we are destined to revert to it no matter what!

I have been through so many barricades and over so many hurtles with the Lord and I found victory through Him in all of them. Why then do I fight the notion that I can have freedom from my straggling Binkies that I cling to! Well, at least I’m talking about them and considering the surrender of them. That is a good start and I’m excited that I have even put them on the plate of consideration before my Lord. I want freedom from them and I KNOW He can set me free…it’s my own fears and doubts that are keeping me sitting in my cell even though  the door is open.

Lord, take me even deeper into Your pool of love. Wash me, cleanse me and wrap me in Your robe of righteousness. Let me see even more clearly my station as a Daughter of the King and teach me to walk in the posture of Divine Royalty as Your child. Let my heart grow and dwell with You and change my sinful desires to Holy ones. Brand me with the truth that I am set apart from this world and its desires. Renew me and make me what You desire. Fulfill Your plans for my life and crush my fears under Your truth and love. I am unable to change but I know that all You want is a willing heart…Lord, It scares me to say this but I’m going to say it, “T Ta Tak Take my Binkies.” I feel guilty saying it because I don’t want to lay them down. That’s alright though, because I’m asking You now to start changing my desires. Begin a work in me that will lead to me surrendering these things. If I wait and keep hiding with my false idols of safety and comfort then I will never let go. I’m asking You now to begin this process. I trust you. Amen

Whatever it is that is your Binky…Are you co-dependent? (Really think about that one.) Do you stuff yourself with emotional eating? Do you lie or exaggerate or use negativity to get attention? Are you hiding something? Do you use manipulation to try to get love? Are you passive aggressive and think that's more godly than being aggressive? Are you self-deprecating so you can hurt yourself before someone else hurts you? Do you do something that is bad for your body? Do you persist in staying busy? Is busyness your Binkie? Is blaming others rather than seeking self-improvement where you hide? If you can't define your Binkie or you think you don't have one then sit in the presence of the Holy Spirit quietly and He will show you yours.What are the things that you cling to? Are you willing to admit you need to let go? I understand and so did the Apostle Paul and so do millions of other people. God can and will heal us…if we will just be willing. Even just willing to admit is a good start.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20, Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price (His Sons life). So you must honor God with your body.

Isaiah 40:31, But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on eagle’s wings; they will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.

2 Samuel 22:31, God’s way is perfect. All the Lord’s promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to Him…

Romans 8:17, And since we are His children, we will share His treasures – for everything God gives to His Son, Christ, is ours, too. But if we are to share in His glory, we must also share in His sufferings.

Not everything in life feels good or will work out the way we want it to. Great accomplishments come through great sacrifices and in order for us to sacrifice (because it is not in our human nature to desire restraint or pain) we MUST draw our strength, courage and good desires from God. He alone is able.

If we must, brothers and sisters, take baby-steps...Do whatever it takes to get to victory! Doing something is better than doing nothing. Starting is 90% of the task. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time! Inch by inch anythings a cinch! We can do all things through Christ who loves us! Take a step toward freedom.

Anything but...

Anything but…sitting at the Savior’s feet, being quiet as He speaks.

Anything but…trusting Him and resting in His plan, knowing fully that, “He can.”

Anything but…slowing down and keeping pace with Him, listening to hear, “Rest or begin…”

Why do I do anything but what I know He desires? Why do I run about when I know being still in His presence is where I belong? Why do I avoid the One who loves me and has plans to prosper me and not harm me? Why do I turn from Him and indulge in busyness? Why do I not trust Him with everything?

His love endures forever and there is nothing that can separate me from that divine love! He pursues me with love and never relents in that pursuit! The only way I will come to trust Him with all things is to begin trusting Him with some. It’s “my” heart that needs to see His faithfulness so that I can trust Him more. He is always faithful, compassionate and mighty and in His long-suffering He waits for me to run alongside of Him and take His hand. He is patient with me but will nettle my nest when needed. All He does…He does from love.

Run to Him when your thoughts are puzzled. Run to Him when your heart feels sad. Run to Him when you feel slighted. Run to Him when you feel bad.

Run toward, not away…from the Lover of your Soul. Sit with Him until His blessings flow. Those blessings come wrapped in joy but many more times in pain. Either way child…remain. Begin to choose “Anywhere but away from Him.” Don’t run where wisdom's light is dim. Choose “In His presence” to rest your soul and give to Him complete control. Anywhere but away from Him…now begin.

John 16:33, “In me…peace.”

Why do we try to fill our empty souls at every fountain but His? It's human nature to resist stillness and plunge forward in our own strength. Then, when we wear ourselves out we wonder why God would allow our sickness or weakness to disturb our busyness! Our nature is to empty ourselves then crawl in our deficit to the fountain of life to get filled just so we can go out again like lone wolves and wear ourselves out again! Jesus knew this and gave us wonderful wisdom to avoid this mad cycle..."Stay attached to the Vine! Stay attached to ME, your source of all you need! Make Jesus your flow-station, not your fill-up station.

Snowflakes

Since moving to Upstate New York I am enjoying the privilege of experiencing the snow again! I know it's different for me since I get to sit at home and view it through my window as I write while others are shoveling and driving in it but take a moment and see it through my eyes.  Although I lived in California for almost 40 years, my roots in the northeast are deeply embedded in me. I have wonderful memories of the snow from growing up here and now that I'm back in it, all those memories are filling my heart again! I'm an unusual breed of person that actually loves the cold weather and enjoys the snow. The cold makes swirlies in my cheeks that make me smile and I feel invigorated and jolly! I've always been like that and it's one of the few wonderful memories that I have from my youth.

I can recall feelings of joy and exhilaration from playing in the snow, skiing, skating, sledding, going to get our Christmas tree! I can still feel the happiness of opening the door at my parents’ house and embracing the chilly wool coats and cheeks of our relatives and friends who came to visit! My heart warms at the visions of walking in the snow down Park Avenue with my niece and going in and out of the scented shops along the way! The sides of my mouth curl up and a smile pops onto my face when I remember all the nights out with my girlfriends driving in snow storms but not being afraid because we were together, innocent and just simply laughing and living in the moment. And the nights looking out on freshly fallen snow and seeing colors that I knew only existed in God's palette and how that fascinated me! I would stare at the glistening snowflakes that looked like a lavender blanket of sparkling diamonds thrown across my lawn and a deep awareness that there was a heaven and it was beyond anything I knew would sweep over my soul. 

Being back here and experiencing the snow again has allowed God to add to my wonderful memories! Kissing the rosy, cold cheeks of my grand-children after they pound across my front porch stomping the snow from their boots. Seeing them poking their little red noses against the glass in my front door in anticipation of me coming around the corner and smiling from ear to ear with joy of their arrival! And laughing with my dear friend who moved here from California with us, just to have a new adventure, about how cold it is and we must be nuts for leaving the beach for this! But the most special of my new memories is a gift God gave me during the first falling of the snow. "Each one is different." is all He whispered to my heart. Then the Holy Spirit watered that seed and insights beyond my imagination blossomed from it!

I’m not sure I have the words to express the depth of God’s love that was revealed to me in that moment. I can simply say that He opened up a door and showed me how awesome He is! I realized beyond my ability to reason just how spectacular He is and that everything we have, from breath, procreation, photosynthesis, galaxies, human love and compassion…are all in and of Him! That profound thought spider-webbed out into a million revelations of His love! I felt overwhelmed by the truth that no person can count or account for every snowflake and its uniqueness. Only God designs and builds each human, each snowflake, each creature that roams the earth, flies in the air or swims in the deep. No two ever alike and not just different in physical appearance but down to the DNA and even deeper into what sets our talents and personalities apart! I saw even deeper things in that time with God, but put simply, He showed me a small portion of His majesty in a snowflake…all because I stopped for a moment and listened for Him.

Why do people fight Him. He is beauty, power, majesty, forgiveness, healing, love…. Yet they rejected Him and continue to do so.

Sit in your car a bit longer…turn off your t.v. for a bit…stare out your window more….settle into a calmness and a quietness that you tend to avoid. Be still….and know that He is God. (Psalm 46:10) 

Shame On You?

Shame is a secret that you keep with the enemy of your soul. It’s like a boil that festers and infects your spirit, never allowing it freedom to rest or heal. Do you have a habit that you’re ashamed of that makes you feel bad about yourself? That’s shame. Is there or was there someone in your life that you couldn’t help and you feel guilty about it? That’s shame. Have you gotten up in someone else’s business when it really wasn’t any of your business and caused a rift in the relationship that’s never been resolved? That’s shame.  Has someone hurt you and you’ve never gotten an apology or an admittance of guilt yet you feel bad and carry a sick feeling? That’s shame.

Shame is like being hooked up to an I.V. of poison that is slowly killing you. It not only kills your spirit but it has a myriad of physical ramifications also! We tuck our shame away deep in the recesses of our psyche because it doesn’t feel good to think about it and no person wants to feel bad. We think that if we hide it away or don’t acknowledge it that it will stay buried but it doesn’t. It festers and corrodes our hopes, our dreams and it holds us prisoner. How many of us live lives that are sick and weak because we let the fear of exposure hold us captive? Or maybe you enjoy playing the martyr and it allows you to spend your lifetime blaming others rather than taking personal steps toward healing your own spirit through the guidance of the Holy Spirit? How many of us choose to distract ourselves with hobbies or obsessions just so we don’t have to face the root problems? Is there any hope for us and our small thinking?

I believe that all of life comes down to two things, desire and choice. Saint Frances of Asisi made a choice in his prayer when he said, “Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love, where there is injury, pardon, where there is doubt, faith, where there is despair, hope, where there is darkness, light, where there is sadness, joy. O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console, not so much to be understood as to understand, not so much to be loved, as to love; for it is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, it is in dying that we awake to eternal life.”

If we treat ourselves with as much mercy as we would treat others, then our desire to be healed and whole will not be something we need to get from others but it will come from ourselves. Treating ourselves with kindness and concern sets us free rather than thinking  we need all that from others in order to have freedom. I believe that the mind-set of, “Someone else causes my pain.” is what holds us in a constant state of need and resentment. We must ask the Lord to be our all and desire only Him to be our salvation, freedom and source of healing. Our freedom will not come from someone else changing, but in our desire to change ourselves.

Healing is between God and us. It would be wonderful to get resolve and healing from those we have issues with but we can’t live a life of waiting. That’s a life of imprisonment. Our quest to be set free from shame is on our plate and Christ is present and willing to share that meal with us. We must pray for the courage to pull our shame from our dark closet and offer it before the Lord. If we are willing to realize that although others may cause us pain, it is ultimately our journey to sit alone with our Savior and break bread with Him, allowing His nourishment to heal our tattered spirits. His Holy Spirit is our source of healing and it will only be through God that we will be set free of our shame. As Saint Frances of Asisi said, “Lord, make “ME”…” not “Make others”.  It is time my brothers and sisters to take responsibility for our own shame and stop focusing on the shame of others. Healing comes only through quiet time with our Lord. We have to stop our busyness and start desiring that time at His feet. Shame makes us run from quiet because it is in that quiet that our fears are revealed and felt. The secret that the enemy keeps with you is a lie and we are falling for it! We are choosing to live lives of fear, shame and ineffectiveness rather than lives of freedom and joy all because we believe that our fears are bigger than our God! Choose now who you believe is bigger, more powerful and more compassionate! Is it satan or Jesus? Who desires freedom for you, satan or Jesus? Who wants you to experience joy, satan or Jesus? Which do you desire? Until we make that decision we will remain sick from the poison of shame.

Isaiah 41:10, “Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.”

Blaming others is just an excuse we use to remain in our shame. We proclaim that we are helpless to be joyful because “they” won’t set us free. Many times too, “we” are “they”. The prison door has been unlocked by Christ our Savior and it sits before us open.  We are free to leave….so why do we remain?

1 Peter 5:7, “Cast all your anxieties on Him because He cares for you.”

Isaiah 61:1-3, “The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, because the Lord has appointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to announce that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed. He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of the Lords favor has come, and with it, the day of God’s anger against their enemies. To all who mourn in Israel, He will give beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, praise instead of despair. For the Lord has planted them like strong and graceful oaks for His own glory!”

For whom do you live your life, for God’s glory or your own? Is your life all about “you” or all about “Him”?

I have to go now and take my own advice in these matters. This lesson is a tough one to dive into but I know it’s the right thing to do. Letting go of all my excuses is scary. This is going to be a process and I can only do it by abiding in Christ every step of the way. Make "ME" Lord....